[Help] More anxiety as i get older

[Victor Chandler]

Another one raising a hand to say you're not alone. Lost all sense of purpose and even sense of identity a couple of years ago. Everything seemed a bit of a relentless churn without joy or anything to look forward to - days accumulating without any sense of progression. Exercise helps me enormously and while perhaps going against our natural inclinations talking with a therapist can change lives significantly for the better. I'd recommend both of those things, and keep talking to people here or elsewhere. You're very much not alone and plenty will be willing and able to support you.

Another vote for here for vigorous daily exercise.

I was diagnosed as having depression several years ago. I overreacted to minor issues and always thought the worse of every situation. It got so bad I thought I would be better off dead. I received CBT under the NHS which helped but the single most effective treatment for me is regular physical daily exercise. It is not a cure but it certainly helps me.

 

[Wrong-Direction]

I'm 32 and really don't like visiting new places, even if it's on holiday! I hate crowded places! I generally just don't like people!.
Me and the misses just want a garden to potter around in, we basically want the retirement life but 40 years early!

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Also think of all the times you've felt nervous or anxious about something in your life, probably tens of thousands of times, you got through each and every one of those times so why not the next time? [emoji6]

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[Weststander]

This is just heart warming.



and you won't mate...



Thanks [MENTION=1320]Notters[/MENTION]



I reckon you are just much smarter than the average person not just socially awkward.



Even NSC can be a binfest that i don't like to get involved with. I always believe in not saying anything if you can't say anything nice. The replies have been amazing. NSC is always amazing for such things. It is why i will never be scared to post on here.


Same mileage i do



I agree and may defer it. However we live in a 2 bed flat with 2 young kids and 3 cats. I just feel that the house in the country may be what i need to help my anxieties however i know the massive mortgage will hurt. The only thing is that the move to the countryside (which i feel would really help me) is likely to be off as my little one has got into a good school around here (Thames Ditton) so that means not just a big mortgage but all for a crappy tiny house.

Connecting with nature has helped me. I also love a walk up to cissbury ring with my 4 year old.

Life is hard... and i have it easier than most.

Hi,

Totally agree with you about nature. It's in our 'dna'. On a similar theme, gardening (beyond the chores of lawn mowing etc) is brilliant for the soul. Monty Don and many others have discovered it's literally a lifesaver. I love it, especially from May onwards when you see the fruits of your labour .... in my case flowers to attract pollinators and generally help ecosystems.

Perhaps there are rural or semi-rural places in south east England also with a good school that takes your fancy?

 

[Rambo]

Sorry to hear about your parents. I had similar with my parents and it’s tough. The pain does subside but one never truly gets over it. We just manage it and live with it.
And hey, you didn’t head off into oblivion because you have the anchor of children. Already you’ve done the right thing. That’s good man.

Thank you for your kind words.

 

[The Clamp]

I'm 32 and really don't like visiting new places, even if it's on holiday! I hate crowded places! I generally just don't like people!.
Me and the misses just want a garden to potter around in, we basically want the retirement life but 40 years early!

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I feel this.

 

[Rambo]

Really sorry about both your parents. You have had about a shit time as can be. You have had it much harder than me but that is how i feel. Any office environment i have been in has been filled with people that just do not seem nice. I just can't fathom people not being nice. I think another reason for the anxieties is the constant feeling let down by humanity in many ways, but not in this thread at all.

The other thing that gets me anxious is the thought of having to mix with parents at birthday parties, social gatherings etc when my eldest starts school in September. I hear from a few people how clicky it is where i live and i just don't want to be apart of the socialising or competitive kids.

I know exactly what you mean. I have worked in corporate environments all my career but lately I am just finding it intolerable. A lot of people just can’t do the basics and treat people kindly.

I get the mixing with other parent thing too, I let my wife do most of it and she is happy with that. She doesn’t work so can concentrate on giving the kids what they need. My 2yr old son has epilepsy and is probably going to have learning difficulties, this is challenging too.

You may feel a little like I do, in that you are not giving your kids everything by doing those social things, I know I do, maybe explain this to your wife and then spend lots of time with the kids at home.

It feels like we are living very similar lives!

 

[Harry Wilson's tackle]

I fear Im only at the early stages of this. End of May/June I found myself pacing up and down the living room and with very little desire to get out of bed. If I wasn't pacing I was only happy to sit in my regular spot and had no appetite to do anything beyond this. I continued to work, but stopped exercising which is something I have done everyday for 4 years. My appetite for food disappeared. We then decided that an opportunity to move house was too good to turn down. The anxiety levels I felt each time I woke up was almost to the point were I felt like being sick, this forced me to make a call to the GP who prescribed me Propranolol which worked brilliantly but left me feeling very low after. I haven'y considered doing anything to myself but have a new found understanding of why some well known figures would take their life if they had felt as bad for a greater length of time. I felt worthless at times and looked at my kids and thought that they deserved better. Its still bad today and have just been given my second prescription and self referred to Health in Mind for CBT in order to have a longer term plan.

I have been working from home for 18 months and think that these feelings have always been there but have been accelerated by Covid and a house move which would always have been stressful. Im a thinker and a worrier at heart but the feelings I have had over the last few weeks were the worst I have ever felt, wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. I never discounted mental health but I have a real awakening to it now.

Im 38 years old.

Propranolol is an odd drug for anxiety. It works entirely by reducing the physical symptoms such as a racing heart, sweating and shaking. It won't affect your thought processing. If only you could get yourself back into exercising (perhaps a new regime) it would be better. Propranolol will reduce your exercise tolerance, I should advise. Like several of the drugs for angina, it reduces chest pain, in part by making it hard to do vigorous exercise. That's not really what you need, I suspect.

Also, it takes a lot of effort to be worthless. I beat myself up over not doing enough for my son, for years. Later I realised that as long as you listen to them, try to be kind, and not be a shitter, you're doing a great job, and they're happy. When it comes to carefully mapping their path through life, that's really their job and yours is just to suggest anmd encourage. Superman is a character from a comic book

My best wishes.

 

[Weststander]

Touching on something in some recent posts.

Imho much of the socialising with a large gaggle of parents in the school years, is false. Much boasting face to face or on social media, over the top parties for a parent’s birthday where ego’s are fed by a numbers count of the numbers invited, the entertainment laid on and spend on fireworks. Who’s got the largest Merc or Range Rover? I remember different combo’s of women tearing apart the purported female friend not present, back-stabbing on steroids. Camping sorties to sites in Sussex at weekends and school holidays, got completely out of control, an arms race to have the best tent and biggest spend on shared food.

We loved it when it mainly fizzled out. Just another pressure in life to fit in and so that your kids don’t get ostracised.

A swathe of people are naturally a bit shy and prefer just the company of their loved ones or lifelong best mate.

Keeping life simple removes many external pressures.

 

[GREASED WEASEL]

Also, it takes a lot of effort to be worthless. I beat myself up over not doing enough for my son, for years. Later I realised that as long as you listen to them, try to be kind, and not be a shitter, you're doing a great job and they're happy. Whe it comes to carefully mapping their path through life, that's really their job and yours is just to suggest anmd encourage. Superman is a character from a comic book

My best wishes.

 

[SK1NT]

Touching on something in some recent posts.

Imho much of the socialising with a large gaggle of parents in the school years, is false. Much boasting face to face or on social media, over the top parties for a parent’s birthday where ego’s are fed by a numbers count of the numbers invited, the entertainment laid on and spend on fireworks. Who’s got the largest Merc or Range Rover? I remember different combo’s of women tearing apart the purported female friend not present, back-stabbing on steroids. Camping sorties to sites in Sussex at weekends and school holidays, got completely out of control, an arms race to have the best tent and biggest spend on shared food.

We loved it when it mainly fizzled out. Just another pressure in life to fit in and so that your kids don’t get ostracised.

A swathe of people are naturally a bit shy and prefer just the company of their loved ones or lifelong best mate.

Keeping life simple removes many external pressures.

That sounds like my worst nightmare. I won't be part of that but as you say don't want it to affect my little boy, with him not being invited to big parties because i don't socialise or play along.

 

[SK1NT]

I fear Im only at the early stages of this. End of May/June I found myself pacing up and down the living room and with very little desire to get out of bed. If I wasn't pacing I was only happy to sit in my regular spot and had no appetite to do anything beyond this. I continued to work, but stopped exercising which is something I have done everyday for 4 years. My appetite for food disappeared. We then decided that an opportunity to move house was too good to turn down. The anxiety levels I felt each time I woke up was almost to the point were I felt like being sick, this forced me to make a call to the GP who prescribed me Propranolol which worked brilliantly but left me feeling very low after. I haven'y considered doing anything to myself but have a new found understanding of why some well known figures would take their life if they had felt as bad for a greater length of time. I felt worthless at times and looked at my kids and thought that they deserved better. Its still bad today and have just been given my second prescription and self referred to Health in Mind for CBT in order to have a longer term plan.

I have been working from home for 18 months and think that these feelings have always been there but have been accelerated by Covid and a house move which would always have been stressful. Im a thinker and a worrier at heart but the feelings I have had over the last few weeks were the worst I have ever felt, wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. I never discounted mental health but I have a real awakening to it now.

Im 38 years old.

I feel for you as this is me but only occasionally. This morning was one of those days where i was pacing around the lounge, felt sick and have only just eaten 5 mins ago all day. Fingers crossed that this is jus a little phase. As many have said on here exercise is a big help. I also found solace in nature and country walks.

I actually long for autumn and winter again as this means i can stay in more and when i do go out for walks it is that much quieter. Long, a dark grey, wet weekend. Maybe that is just to accompany my current mood. There was a thread about thing you wouldn't admit and i was surprised at how many like the winter and rain

 

[Kalimantan Gull]

Oh you guys are not alone, I have really been struggling these past six months. I've blamed it on the lockdown, and maybe that is why - but the change feels permanent. I should love my job, but I'm really struggling to get anything done. I want to get in a car and just drive - I live in Cornwall and got so fed up back in April that I was going to just put some stuff in my car and slowly make my way to John O'Groats. And then my wife had a cancer scare (she's fine) and how could I possibly go away for a bit at that moment, so I stayed, and felt a bit better for a while, but I'm back to being miserable. I just want to spend my days gardening or pottering around - but too many people rely on me - I'm the boss, its my charity, I can't just leave things undone - so I feel the pressure even more and its just overwhelming. Meanwhile I'm spending less time with my wife and kids, I need to get a new car, deal with all kinds of things around the house - the to-do list is off the charts and it is all too much. Several days I just want to break down and cry but what good does it do.

Is it the classic 'mid-life crisis'? I'm 47, and I've felt all my life that I've been building up to something, reaching for the summit, was still young and aspiring - but in the last couple of years I've finally felt that I've got there, that I've finally 'grown-up' - maybe this is whats triggering it? I want to do something new but don't know how to extricate myself from this current mess....

Sleep... lack of sleep, I'm sure thats killing me. I just can't get myself to bed - think about going at 11 and find myself still up at 2, and am knackered next morning when I get up at 7. Rinse and repeat... And so much time on screens, my eyes are suffering so much.....

Anyway, thanks for listening... all will feel better in the morning, it usually does....

 

[Weststander]

That sounds like my worst nightmare. I won't be part of that but as you say don't want it to affect my little boy, with him not being invited to big parties because i don't socialise or play along.

Sorry, I meant the parents own b’day parties. In the parallel universe of this Brighton suburb, it was another pressure. On the theme of our own anxiety as adults.

Obviously kids were unaware of all that shite, ours given as a good a childhood as we could manage as new to the job.

 

[Deleted member 2719]

Anxiety runs down one side of our family tree and can easily put anyone in a spin. I don't mind saying that germs are an OCD trait I have picked up through the family, so when covid landed, it was like a nightmare on elm street for me.
But over the years I have managed to get to grips with any hint of it early on and gain control quite quickly, but I do know many struggle with this.

If anyone wants to chat on PM, I am always open to that, It comes with a guarantee no politics mentioned!

 

[SK1NT]

Oh you guys are not alone, I have really been struggling these past six months. I've blamed it on the lockdown, and maybe that is why - but the change feels permanent. I should love my job, but I'm really struggling to get anything done. I want to get in a car and just drive - I live in Cornwall and got so fed up back in April that I was going to just put some stuff in my car and slowly make my way to John O'Groats. And then my wife had a cancer scare (she's fine) and how could I possibly go away for a bit at that moment, so I stayed, and felt a bit better for a while, but I'm back to being miserable. I just want to spend my days gardening or pottering around - but too many people rely on me - I'm the boss, its my charity, I can't just leave things undone - so I feel the pressure even more and its just overwhelming. Meanwhile I'm spending less time with my wife and kids, I need to get a new car, deal with all kinds of things around the house - the to-do list is off the charts and it is all too much. Several days I just want to break down and cry but what good does it do.

Is it the classic 'mid-life crisis'? I'm 47, and I've felt all my life that I've been building up to something, reaching for the summit, was still young and aspiring - but in the last couple of years I've finally felt that I've got there, that I've finally 'grown-up' - maybe this is whats triggering it? I want to do something new but don't know how to extricate myself from this current mess....

Sleep... lack of sleep, I'm sure thats killing me. I just can't get myself to bed - think about going at 11 and find myself still up at 2, and am knackered next morning when I get up at 7. Rinse and repeat... And so much time on screens, my eyes are suffering so much.....

Anyway, thanks for listening... all will feel better in the morning, it usually does....

Firstly... great news about your wife. Fantastic news.

Lack of sleep definitely does bring my mood down more. I don't think it's a midlife crisis for me as i am not that bothered by that, if anything i look forward to not working. I do get that feeling that nothing would really cheer me up. I just feel most as ease doing the simple things out in the countryside, looking for bugs with my 4 year old, walking in the rain.

I hope we can all get over this crap we all feel and hope it's just a phase. We have all been through a lot with covid.

 

[Barnet Seagull]

I'm not great either to be honest.

Sole earner, very pressurised job with limited career growth but good salary., Family and young kids to support.

Need to move house and increase mortgage.

Havent seen my best mates in a year.

Only thing that seems to help are some little targets. 2 or 3 achievable jobs a week.

This weekend 1. Take rubbish to tip, 2. Fix brake lever on kids bike. 3. Clear mould in shed.

Jobs well done help, however small.

I'm also in IT and it has been a rough 15 months. Motivation is at an all time low hence back on NSC more frequently

Outwardly apt work I'm motivated, busy and arguably inspiring but its a sham. Right now, i really cant be ****ed.




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[Questions]

Talking helps. Finding the strength to open up is difficult but a massive help once you’ve done it.

 

[Brighton Rocker]

Some really revealing posts on this thread. Thanks all for sharing.
I have suffered from anxiety and depression for many years.
Had a great career and achieved a lot. Worked with a fantastic team of colleagues who remain good friends although I retired a couple of years ago. Last 8 years of work were really difficult as I had lost all motivation.
Always felt a bit of an imposter in my career but, just got on with it for many years.
Retirement has on the whole been good but, as I suffer with social anxiety, it is very easy now to avoid social situations where I feel uncomfortable. Have always been crap at small talk and have no patience with people who churn out the same boring anecdotes!
Since retiring, I have made an effort to learn about where my anxiety and depression comes from. I can highly recommend the free courses put on by Sussex Recovery College. To access treatment there are online services like Health in Mind that you can self refer to.
Since retirement, I have been far more open about my mental health and have a number of close friends I can talk to about it. This really helps.
I don’t believe I will ever fully recover from depression but, I have found that using my lived experience to help improve mental health services in Sussex and nationally has transformed me from a victim of depression to someone who can contribute to the recovery of others.
As others have said, exercising in the wonderful Sussex countryside is a great way of lifting your mood.
The pandemic for me has been an opportunity to help vulnerable people in the village and I now feel much better connected with my neighbours (most of whom are really good people).
I doubt there can be anyone who suffers with depression who has not thought ‘is it worth it’ at some point.
My Dad walked off Beachy Head when he was the age I am now. I was 32 at the time and my four sons have no recollection of my Dad. Having recently become a grandad for the first time during lockdown, I want to make sure I am around for my grandchildren. I suppose my depression Can’t be too bad at present!

 

[Icy Gull]

Anxiety runs down one side of our family tree and can easily put anyone in a spin. I don't mind saying that germs are an OCD trait I have picked up through the family, so when covid landed, it was like a nightmare on elm street for me.
But over the years I have managed to get to grips with any hint of it early on and gain control quite quickly, but I do know many struggle with this.

If anyone wants to chat on PM, I am always open to that, It comes with a guarantee no politics mentioned!

Hi, my name is Lewis I am going though a tough period, are you the man to help me

Being serious, this thread shows how great NSC is

 

[Guinness Boy]

Age is definitely a thing. I'm 50 later this year and dreading it. It's probably the first time in my life I've felt "old". All of a sudden, probably only in the last year, I've noticed how many people are younger than me. Colleagues, my new boss, MPs, Doctors. People who used to be the adult in the room are now the kids in the room, so guess what that makes my heavily mortgaged, tiny pensioned backside? It's the first birthday that's ever affected me like this. Spent 30 in Amsterdam with the lads getting trollied, 40 at a VERY nice restaurant. Pre Covid I'd always thought I'd have a massive 50th bash and just go ***k it but the nearer it gets, the more I plan to mark it with a long run, a takeaway and a nice bottle of red at home.