[Help] More anxiety as i get older

[BBassic]

You're not alone at all here.

I've long suffered with imposter syndrome because in my head I'm still a bloody child yet people keep employing me and giving me responsibilities etc etc. It's exhausting. Lock down I don't think has helped in this regard but is / was an obviously crucial element of the fight against COVID.

My other half is a psychologist and we've discussed, to put it bluntly, how much busier her already busy profession is going to be in a few years time when the mental health fallout from this last 18 months starts becoming clear.

NSC though, with all its characters and experience, is a great place to come talk. Just look at this thread. We're all here for each other when it comes down to it.

 

[Russconha]

Breathing exercises are great for treating anxiety. Mix that in with avoiding ********s wherever possible and those anxious moments will be a mere memory!

 

[Stat Brother]

Today i started a new role which is a role i have strived for over the last 15 years, however i have zero excitement or drive to do it. I am feeling constantly anxious and chatting to people on cam is a real effort.I have to remind myself to smile and nod, and not to look so dead eyes and bored.

I have noticed that as i get older i really do not want to meet new people. I have a few friends that i have made over the years and am happy with that. I have also become very anxious about new environments and new people. I just want to stop working and live in the Sussex countryside away from people (just having friends stay over). Am i just turning into a Victor Meldrew or are others experiencing this as they age?

I feel comfortable posting these thoughts as NSC has been in my life for 20 years so feels comfortable to me.

You're late - but now you're here you're welcome to join the club.

All I can suggest is exercise.

All my problems, similar to yours but without the 'once positive' vibe have escalated since whichever final straw that it was finally broke the back of me doing exercise.

From then on I have frequently amazed myself as to how much lower I can go and how 'odd' my behaviour has become.

I can do things like meet someone for coffee, once every 3-4 months, but I'm in bits before I force myself out of the house.
I work or go to the village that's it, my grid is about 3 miles sq.


As said I know I need an endorphin or two but the negative spiral I'm in means that won't happen.

Please do a regular outdoor exercise before it's too late.
It would please me if I could at least stop one other person from feeling like me.


One of the few highlights I have is knowing despite the fact I'm a mess there are actually posters on here who seemingly need me, to feel better about themselves.

Just how f**ked are they?

 

[The Clamp]

You're late - but now you're here you're welcome to join the club.

All I can suggest is exercise.

All my problems, similar to yours but without the 'once positive' vibe have escalated since whichever final straw that it was finally broke the back of me doing exercise.

From then on I have frequently amazed myself as to how much lower I can go and how 'odd' my behaviour has become.

I can do things like meet someone for coffee, once every 3-4 months, but I'm in bits before I force myself out of the house.
I work or go to the village that's it, my grid is about 3 miles sq.


As said I know I need an endorphin or two but the negative spiral I'm in means that won't happen.

Please do a regular outdoor exercise before it's too late.
It would please me if I could at least stop one other person from feeling like me.


One of the few highlights I have is knowing despite the fact I'm a mess there are actually posters on here who seemingly need me, to feel better about themselves.

Just how f**ked are they?

Agree. Exercise is a life saver, physically and mentally. I’d be lost without it. And for me, walking. Regular walks on the downs saved my sanity after my older brother literally dropped dead at aged 39 a few years ago. To this day I still do at least one good walk a week. I do my thinking a d rationalise my anxiety’s out on the hills. It’s my sanctuary.

 

[marcos3263]

A lot of people have repetitive mundane lives and after doing the same thing everyday for 30 years start to think "whats the point?"

I don't know many people that really love their job and most do it for the money which is then spend living in a very expensive part of the country. So it can be hand to mouth or at least nothing exciting.

Lockdown has added to this by stopping any fun activities so you are just left with the grind.

Now that things are getting back to normal, hopeful some basic pleasures will return which will lighten spirits and give people outlets and options to do something/anything different.

 

[Insel affe]

Thanks for sharing. Some interesting replies. I will add my tuppence.

I too am going through the motions at work (which I'm still doing from home) when I'm not losing the plot with dimbot colleagues, and I always prefer to be by myself. I have a Teams meeting later this afternoon where a collegue on my union is trying to post a motion to press my employer to disinvest from and boycoot Israel (the prat) and am likely to become rather rude....because I don't instinctively know how to deal with unexpected ****wittery, and it stresses me out (This is why I put so many NSC users on ignore).....

But....on prompting from Mrs T have recently discovered that I am probably on the Aspergers/Autism spectrum. I took a couple of online tests and despite subconsciously answering some questions mendaciously to make myself appear more sociable, I was off the scale. When I redid the tests more honestly it was worse. This has come a bit of a shock to me, but it explains a great deal. In some respects it is good to know, but my characteristics are hard if not impossible to fix, and I'm now torn whether to declare it to colleagues or not. Here is the thing. If someone sends me a shocking poor set of minutes to check, or rewrites my exam paper using an unofficial new college format made up last week in the academic centre, introducing errors, I get very cross and point out the problems. I have learned to be much less rude than I used to be, but, **** me, I am cross because I'm dealing with needlessly shit work, people changing forms for no good reason etc. Not because I'm on the spectrum. The best I can do is park things till I'm 'out of touch with anger' (a small prize for naming the artist whose lyric I stole, here). I'm better at parking, now, but I confess getting a buzz from being angry and rude. Who knew?

However....so, the best thing is to find out what's going on in your head, then see if you can mitigate against it. I have an elaborate and dense yet particular architecture to my life, from how I interact with friends and family, and use my interests in music and humour and current affairs and football and gardening and cycling and on and on to keep myself happy and generally useful. Somehow I have blagged my way through a nice career, and I still have pals I occasionally see who I've known for 50 years (FFS). So life is generally good, now. But I have trashed numerous relationships in the process. It's rather sobering to realise this is probably all my fault

So there are ways and means. Quite a lot of people, especially those who are socially (and sometimes politically) conservative find me a bit weird, even mad, but I can live with that. One thing I wish I could do is avoid mistakes when I need to read people. I cannot read between lines. I see only the lines. The way my mind works is that when people use ambiguous language with no context (i.e., not as part of some longstanding joke or something that has shared reference points) I'm lost. I am also too 'in your face' some times (appearing to like too much the sound of my own voice). In my head I'm thinking that if I don't say it all quickly I'll forget what it was I wanted to say. So you can always spot me in a reception, at a party, or other social gathering (even chatting at half time in West Upper); I'm the only one who isn't having a conversation because everyone else has mentally backed off. I don't really mind, because smalltalk is really boring, but even so

In the last 10 years I have started to learn how to listen to people. I get on effortlessly well with fellow gabblers, especially lateral thinkers and certain types (hard to explain what I mean here), but it's nice to be getting along better now with lots of people who were pretty much strangers to me previously, without any shared psychological space, if that can be invoked as a thing.

Sorry, that was all 'me me me' wasn't it. Best of luck. Do something, though, if you're feeling dysfunctional.

Why did you type that

I just did this test truthfully, and got 18 Borderline indication, thanks

https://www.clinical-partners.co.uk...autism-test/adult-autism-test-results/results

I am not sure about that, I know I can be odd, and the wife thinks I have some weird ways, and wonders why I come to some conclusions about problems or issues. I just thought that was because I am English and a male and she is American and a female.....

I am not telling her about this.

 

[Lethargic]

Today i started a new role which is a role i have strived for over the last 15 years, however i have zero excitement or drive to do it. I am feeling constantly anxious and chatting to people on cam is a real effort.I have to remind myself to smile and nod, and not to look so dead eyes and bored.

I have noticed that as i get older i really do not want to meet new people. I have a few friends that i have made over the years and am happy with that. I have also become very anxious about new environments and new people. I just want to stop working and live in the Sussex countryside away from people (just having friends stay over). Am i just turning into a Victor Meldrew or are others experiencing this as they age?

I feel comfortable posting these thoughts as NSC has been in my life for 20 years so feels comfortable to me.

I have similar feelings, in my mid-fifties lost my job at the beginning of COVID and went through months of trying to get a new job (now have good job who genuinely promote a happy work/life balance) and like you I have found it difficult to get motivated in new environments. This has not been helped by lockdown as it has taken away many of the things that help me unwind and as an example I cant be bothered to go to the pub as I just don't find this half way house enjoyable I go to a pub to mingle and chat as much as have a beer. I even struggle to get up for the football at present.

Things have improved over the past few weeks as I have pushed myself to do the things I like but just that bit further away, even got a train last week for the first time in 15months (I used to commute).

I don't think you should feel its all bad as it can also be a case that you have found things you are happy doing that don't necessarily involve meeting new people, keep your head up. Push yourself a bit for example as you like the Sussex countryside visit those parts you have not visited before rather than your regular haunts and as you see by the many replies remember you are not unique and alone in your feelings.

 

[Brighthelmstone]

Today i started a new role which is a role i have strived for over the last 15 years, however i have zero excitement or drive to do it. I am feeling constantly anxious and chatting to people on cam is a real effort.I have to remind myself to smile and nod, and not to look so dead eyes and bored.

I have noticed that as i get older i really do not want to meet new people. I have a few friends that i have made over the years and am happy with that. I have also become very anxious about new environments and new people. I just want to stop working and live in the Sussex countryside away from people (just having friends stay over). Am i just turning into a Victor Meldrew or are others experiencing this as they age?

I feel comfortable posting these thoughts as NSC has been in my life for 20 years so feels comfortable to me.

You're not alone mate, if it wasn't for my 5 year old daughter i doubt I'd set foot outside the house. I'm not depressed but everything has become 'meh'. As others have said, lockdown has almost accustomed us to not going out and now its becoming a real effort and challenge for a lot of people, myself included! My social circle these days is Amazon Prime, Netflix and NSC!

 

[DJ NOBO]

A couple of months ago I fell apart.
Moving house, new born baby, difficult 4yo, money mistakes, dread of going back to the office (I’ve loved WFH), pressures at work, studying for a new career on the side, depression, crazy anxiety, chronic stress.
I would go on long walks ranting out loud to myself. Little things like being kept in hold by HSBC would make me lose My shit. At night, it was one anxiety attack after another.
I ended up being signed off work for what became a month. I wondered if I would work again. I have now returned and am slowly getting better. I’ve started playing football again which has helped.
If it wasn’t for my wife I don’t know where I’d be right now.
To everyone on this thread who is struggling - you are not alone. Nothing is more important than yourself and family.

 

[SK1NT]

I think that is totally normal and ok. I'm much the same as I've got older. Yes you can certainly post on here. In fact you made me feel better now knowing I'm not the only one who feel this way. Good luck to you and thanks for sharing as this has helped me by reading this.

This is just heart warming.

My only real anxiety is seeing that people my age or even younger have died.
I don't want to go yet!

and you won't mate...

Do PM me if you want to share anything!

Thanks [MENTION=1320]Notters[/MENTION]

I'm not losing the plot with dimbot colleagues, and I always prefer to be by myself.

I reckon you are just much smarter than the average person not just socially awkward.

NSC though, with all its characters and experience, is a great place to come talk. Just look at this thread. We're all here for each other when it comes down to it.

Even NSC can be a binfest that i don't like to get involved with. I always believe in not saying anything if you can't say anything nice. The replies have been amazing. NSC is always amazing for such things. It is why i will never be scared to post on here.

I work or go to the village that's it, my grid is about 3 miles sq.

Same mileage i do

Whilst you're feeling like this, my advice would firmly be not to move house and take on a bigger mortgage. Those two events alone could tip you over the edge.

I agree and may defer it. However we live in a 2 bed flat with 2 young kids and 3 cats. I just feel that the house in the country may be what i need to help my anxieties however i know the massive mortgage will hurt. The only thing is that the move to the countryside (which i feel would really help me) is likely to be off as my little one has got into a good school around here (Thames Ditton) so that means not just a big mortgage but all for a crappy tiny house.

Connecting with nature has helped me. I also love a walk up to cissbury ring with my 4 year old.

Life is hard... and i have it easier than most.

 

[The Clamp]

I’d like to add as well, most people are doing better than they think they are. Times are tough man, life is not easy. Add middle aged angst etc into the mix. People are feeling bad. You know?
Everyone needs to give themselves a bit of credit for keeping it together.
Forgive the comparison but I remember watching a documentary about WW1 soldiers suffering from shell-shock. Thousand yard stare, trembling limbs, incoherence. And a commentator said; “that’s how humans should react to war. That’s a natural reaction. It’s not healthy to accept what they’ve been through”

What I’m fumbling to say is that anxiety is a perfectly natural reaction to a ****ed up situation. Go easy on yourself.

 

[Bry Nylon]

It would please me if I could at least stop one other person from feeling like me.

Just know that in some of our PM exchanges over the years you have helped me enormously, more than you would realise. That's quite a thing for one stranger to do for another.

You're a decent chap and I'm glad you post on here

 

[Happy Exile]

Another one raising a hand to say you're not alone. Lost all sense of purpose and even sense of identity a couple of years ago. Everything seemed a bit of a relentless churn without joy or anything to look forward to - days accumulating without any sense of progression. Exercise helps me enormously and while perhaps going against our natural inclinations talking with a therapist can change lives significantly for the better. I'd recommend both of those things, and keep talking to people here or elsewhere. You're very much not alone and plenty will be willing and able to support you.

 

[Rambo]

This is me... if it wasnt for my 4 year old and 1 year old i'd love to just live remotely somewhere.

I am sad to see others feeling the same things as me, however i feel a little less weird now I was expecting the whole woke, snowflake replies.

I am in this club too. I lost my job as covid started, then I lost both of my parents(not covid) over Christmas just a few days apart. I got a new job but I have zero interest in building new relationships with people which on the face of it are all 2 faced snakes.

I too have 2 kids (5 and 2) and if it wasn’t for them I think I would have paid up the mortgage and headed off into oblivion.

Sadly I have to somehow reintegrate into society and carry on for another 20 years.

The thought of that is utterly depressing.

 

[DJ NOBO]

I fear Im only at the early stages of this. End of May/June I found myself pacing up and down the living room and with very little desire to get out of bed. If I wasn't pacing I was only happy to sit in my regular spot and had no appetite to do anything beyond this. I continued to work, but stopped exercising which is something I have done everyday for 4 years. My appetite for food disappeared. We then decided that an opportunity to move house was too good to turn down. The anxiety levels I felt each time I woke up was almost to the point were I felt like being sick, this forced me to make a call to the GP who prescribed me Propranolol which worked brilliantly but left me feeling very low after. I haven'y considered doing anything to myself but have a new found understanding of why some well known figures would take their life if they had felt as bad for a greater length of time. I felt worthless at times and looked at my kids and thought that they deserved better. Its still bad today and have just been given my second prescription and self referred to Health in Mind for CBT in order to have a longer term plan.

I have been working from home for 18 months and think that these feelings have always been there but have been accelerated by Covid and a house move which would always have been stressful. Im a thinker and a worrier at heart but the feelings I have had over the last few weeks were the worst I have ever felt, wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. I never discounted mental health but I have a real awakening to it now.

Im 38 years old.

There’s a lot I empathise with in this post.
It’s good you are getting help and I hope you get out exercising.
Things do get better in time.

 

[The Clamp]

I am in this club too. I lost my job as covid started, then I lost both of my parents(not covid) over Christmas just a few days apart. I got a new job but I have zero interest in building new relationships with people which on the face of it are all 2 faced snakes.

I too have 2 kids (5 and 2) and if it wasn’t for them I think I would have paid up the mortgage and headed off into oblivion.

Sadly I have to somehow reintegrate into society and carry on for another 20 years.

The thought of that is utterly depressing.

Sorry to hear about your parents. I had similar with my parents and it’s tough. The pain does subside but one never truly gets over it. We just manage it and live with it.
And hey, you didn’t head off into oblivion because you have the anchor of children. Already you’ve done the right thing. That’s good man.

 

[Harry Wilson's tackle]

Why did you type that

I just did this test truthfully, and got 18 Borderline indication, thanks

https://www.clinical-partners.co.uk...autism-test/adult-autism-test-results/results

I am not sure about that, I know I can be odd, and the wife thinks I have some weird ways, and wonders why I come to some conclusions about problems or issues. I just thought that was because I am English and a male and she is American and a female.....

I am not telling her about this.

I'm sorry about that However you got the same score as my ex boss. He barely raised an eyebrow when he saw the results and you shouldn't either. I got something like 29 out of 34. You should be fine.

I hope I was not suggesting that folk should just rush off and do a test. I really shouldn't have done it, but Mrs T prompted me. I couldn't even talk about the outcome for weeks, and even now I find it quite difficult, and although the information is in some respects liberating, it has the unintended consequence of giving me a get out of jail card for when I'm off on one, meaning that sometimes I try less hard to not go off on one.

My union has just voted to boycott Israel. I was one of two people who voted against. I was very well behaved. My guess is that it won't make the news. We shall see.

 

[Bry Nylon]

My key take outs from this thread so far:

1. It seems like many of us feel like this to one extent or another, which in a strange way offers a degree of comfort.
2. Exercise helps
3. When the chips are down, NSC is a wonderfully honest, open and supportive community. Frankly, like no other I have ever come across.
4. Thank god for NSC and threads like this that just pop up out of the blue. And all of us who - in our own ways - make up this place and what it means, wherever we are in the world.

 

[SK1NT]

I am in this club too. I lost my job as covid started, then I lost both of my parents(not covid) over Christmas just a few days apart. I got a new job but I have zero interest in building new relationships with people which on the face of it are all 2 faced snakes.

I too have 2 kids (5 and 2) and if it wasn’t for them I think I would have paid up the mortgage and headed off into oblivion.

Sadly I have to somehow reintegrate into society and carry on for another 20 years.

The thought of that is utterly depressing.

Really sorry about both your parents. You have had about a shit time as can be. You have had it much harder than me but that is how i feel. Any office environment i have been in has been filled with people that just do not seem nice. I just can't fathom people not being nice. I think another reason for the anxieties is the constant feeling let down by humanity in many ways, but not in this thread at all.

The other thing that gets me anxious is the thought of having to mix with parents at birthday parties, social gatherings etc when my eldest starts school in September. I hear from a few people how clicky it is where i live and i just don't want to be apart of the socialising or competitive kids.

 

[Wrong-Direction]

I'm 32 and really don't like visiting new places, even if it's on holiday! I hate crowded places! I generally just don't like people!.
Me and the misses just want a garden to potter around in, we basically want the retirement life but 40 years early!

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