[Help] More anxiety as i get older

SK1NT · Jul 5, 2021

Today i started a new role which is a role i have strived for over the last 15 years, however i have zero excitement or drive to do it. I am feeling constantly anxious and chatting to people on cam is a real effort.I have to remind myself to smile and nod, and not to look so dead eyes and bored.

I have noticed that as i get older i really do not want to meet new people. I have a few friends that i have made over the years and am happy with that. I have also become very anxious about new environments and new people. I just want to stop working and live in the Sussex countryside away from people (just having friends stay over). Am i just turning into a Victor Meldrew or are others experiencing this as they age?

I feel comfortable posting these thoughts as NSC has been in my life for 20 years so feels comfortable to me.

Insel affe · Jul 5, 2021

Lockdown is too blame, your not alone....

I generally have complete apathy for doing anything right now, hopefully it will pass.
Actually I really enjoyed going to the pub to watch England v Germany, it reminded me of what we have all been missing, real human contact.

Chin up fella, life is short, enjoy it.
PS well done on your new position, they obviously value you.

Mancgull · Jul 5, 2021

Yes, I think Lock down has made a lot of people feel like this. It's not surprising really when tens of thousands of people have died in this country alone from Covid, that we are feeling more anxious generally. There's also the getting older and feeling miserable with it syndrome....I definitely suffer from this.

Simster · Jul 5, 2021

I can relate to a lot of that. I feel dead inside, unhappy with a lot of things in my life, yet not manically depressed. Brexit has also take it's toll on my mental health if I'm honest. I have two jobs that don't interest me at all. Sometimes I feel that if wasn't for my kids I would just run away from everyone.

SK1NT · Jul 5, 2021

Thanks mate. I was going to say lockdown has massively sped up my turning into a hermit, but i was going that way anyway. Hate to admit it but i quite enjoyed not seeing anyone, no family, no work. I saw a cpl of friends for a walk but that was it.

As you say going to the pub was nice however i went with a group of friends i had known for years so it was made bearable.

SK1NT · Jul 5, 2021

This is me... if it wasnt for my 4 year old and 1 year old i'd love to just live remotely somewhere.

I am sad to see others feeling the same things as me, however i feel a little less weird now

I was expecting the whole woke, snowflake replies.

sams dad · Jul 5, 2021

How old are you?
Are you financially secure, could you give up your current job and do something you really want to do?

Seasidesage · Jul 5, 2021

When you get to a certain age, kids have gone, career has gone as far as it can etc etc. There is a tendency to wonder what the point is? I certainly feel that way from time to time. My work requires me to talk to people all day everyday and I just don't want to anymore but money is money. Home is alright but samey. Friends lost touch with a lot of them even though I still live close by just can't be bothered with them mostly. Football isn't as important as it once was but still go. I think its just life you reach a certain stage and you just lose your zest for it?

KeegansHairPiece · Jul 5, 2021

https://www.anxietyuk.org.uk/

I had a course of CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) and it helped a lot, 12 sessions and I was feeling better with a closer understanding of what my thoughts were doing to me. It's very pragmatic and practical, no interpretations, no bullshit, it makes sense. Amazing how patterns of thought become habit forming, to the extent the worse happening starts to feel inevitable.

As a friend said to me, 'don't be your own enemy', there is enough in the world wanting a piece of everyone, don't be the harshest critic to yourself. I kind of relaxed afterwards. Things like circles of responsibilities, healthy and unhealthy beliefs – it's easy to start believing unhealthy, untrue beliefs about yourself and they can become real. To some they turn into facts.

I was ready to walk away, but kind of enjoying my work again now. It's not a magic wand, but just shaken off some thought cycles that just weren't necessary. Worth a look imho.

The Clamp · Jul 5, 2021

That doesn’t sound like anxiety, more like depression. Have you talked to a professional about the way you are feeling?

West Hoathly Seagull · Jul 5, 2021

You are definitely not alone. I am suffering from what I call "social agoraphobia". I've been working at home since March 2020 and have basically got used to it. I'm really not keen to go back to the office, though, or to travel on public transport, especially with Boris making it a free for all where mask wearing is concerned. I've kept my mother and me free of Covid all this time, and though we've both been double vaccinated, I've got this in built fear that she or I will be one of the ones the vaccines don't work for. My boss and work have been brilliant over my working from home, but he wants me back in now.

Socially, I've been back to my church a few times, which has been fine, but I'm not looking forward to large gatherings. I'm normally fine at a sit-down meal or such like, or meeting with friends, but I'm no good with the sort of do where you stand around with drinks. We sometimes do that at work before big staff meetings, and it just isn't me. The other thing I'm absolutely hopeless with is team building exercises, and the sort of work days where you listen to someone for half an hour then have a table discussion and someone feeds back on a flip chart. Not being an extrovert type, I always find I end up saying nothing in the table discussion and feeling embarrassed. Such sessions also often start with standing around for drinks, and often with interactive ice-breakers, such as those with odd birthdays standing one side of the room, those with even the other, then you have to talk to the person opposite you. If you like that sort of thing, fine, but please don't make me do it.

GT49er · Jul 5, 2021

Glad CBT has worked for you. I too had a course of CBT - it made things far, far worse, as it brought home the fact that the things were causing my depression couldn't be changed, and I was powerless to do anything about them. They've put me on the happy pills now, I guess for life. They help a bit - some days.

Tom Hark Preston Park · Jul 5, 2021

Seems to me like a perfectly natural reaction to me. Gone are the days (hopefully just for the short term) when we just jumped ship jobwise or just jumped on a plane travelwise. There's multiple additional layers of angst and BS to navigate any time you want to venture outside your room. It sucks for sure. But for now it's the new normal.

Good luck mate :thumbsup:

Greg Bobkin · Jul 5, 2021

Well done on the new job. Might be worth explaining to someone there how you're feeling – employers are duty-bound to look after their staff a LOT better than they used to, plus there's bound to be support online, or within the workplace.

You're certainly not alone – I know of a lot of people who have increased anxiety, stress and/or far less confidence than before the pandemic. Even people who would be out all the time and never have any trouble socialising.

Working at home is also a tough one – fortunately I've been doing it for 13 years so am fully used to it, but for people used to the completely different environment of an office, they will struggle in some way to adjust.

Nothing wrong with wanting a simple life – hope it gets better for you soon.

The Clamp · Jul 5, 2021

I’ve suffered from travel anxiety for years, I’ll travel but it takes a lot of talking myself into it. I also started suffering some social anxiety due to a combination of the Covid situation and three years of being made to feel like dog-shit by an (thankfully) ex. Without going into detail, she was just a very negative, energy sapping person.
I gave up hobbies and the stunt performance work that I’d been enjoying for decades. My esteem was rock bottom. It’s taken me two years to regain the confidence to pick up interests and meet new people. I didn’t realise just what a detrimental effect I had let one person have on me.

I am always most comfortable in the small group of friends I’ve had for most of my adult life, we’ve always stuck together and always keep in close touch. Which is great and will continue to be so.

But yesterday I went to a party held by a woman I met recently. I didn’t know anyone there except her and spent last week being very anxious about the idea of it all.
But I got on the train and made my way there, a place I’d never been before and I ended up having a great time. Really good people, interesting and friendly. Couldn’t have been nicer. I’m so glad I did it. But it took its toll in the lead up. I was thinking about it non-stop!

Also with age comes less desire to make new friends or push oneself in new directions, and that can be healthy. To slow down a bit, not be rushing about socially. It just takes some adjustment to realise that’s not a bad thing to slow down and want a quieter life.

Anxiety can be communication. A healthy signal from your body that something needs to change.
It can be neurotic too,
Ou god will I be liked? Will I have anything to say? Will I miss the train? Should I buy this? That? Should I get two of them? Etc etc. It’s unhelpful, obstructive even but not unusual, we all have bouts of this in our lives at some point.

But communicative anxiety, where you feel deeply troubled aand question your ability to function in your life is your body and mind telling you it’s time for help and for change. It’s healthy if you listen to the message.

MTSeagulls · Jul 5, 2021

I had similar to you for years. Hated gatherings, hated having visitors to the house or even visiting other people.
I would subscribe myself to planned work meals out or meetings at pubs on here and then get anxious a few days before and then just bail out last minute.
I always went to watch football alone as I hate chit chat during a game.
Work was ok, I had an office to myself from which I would just appear from for lunch and coffees which I would take back to my room.
In the last few years both my parents have passed and I have gone through a difficult divorce.
I have since met a new partner and once my father died I decided there was nothing to keep me in the UK anymore. I got depressed during the long winters and my knees had the start of arthritis which got worse during the cold and wet of winter.
So we decided to relocate to Brazil to be close to her parents and it was the best thing I have ever done.
We live in a rural area in between the Amazon and Pantanal. Our town is 3 hours drive on a dirt track to the nearest town of any size and 12 hours drive to an airport. The days are pretty much an even 12 hours day/night all year and I haven't been troubled at all by the arthritis.
Of course it's not perfect by any means, Brazil has it's issues, but getting away from it all has worked for me.

The Clamp · Jul 5, 2021

Fantastic. Brave too. Great to hear it’s worked out.

MTSeagulls · Jul 5, 2021

Thanks, it was brave but to be honest I didn't want more of the same at 53 years old.
I still struggle with Portuguese but on the whole I am healthier and happier.
Plus the BBQs are a whole lot better and the beer cheaper

phoenix · Jul 5, 2021

I think that is totally normal and ok. I'm much the same as I've got older. Yes you can certainly post on here. In fact you made me feel better now knowing I'm not the only one who feel this way. Good luck to you and thanks for sharing as this has helped me by reading this.

banjo · Jul 5, 2021

we’ll done for posting, they say the best thing is to talk and you’ve made the first step and opened up about how you feel. I get the work thing as I getting closer to retirement age, we’ll not that close,
I’m finding it hard to motivate myself to go to work in a job I’ve had for 18 years. But try and look at the positives in your life, the glaringly obvious one is your 2 young kids. Try to really enjoy your time with them as they grow up so quickly.
The other thing I try to do is plan evenings out or little trips away with the wife in advance, this gives me things to look forward too.
Oh and I’d love to live in the county too, but the wife prefers town life.

Hopefully things will become closer to normal soon. We’ll done on the new job.

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