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Microsoft Word - the work of the devil



Seagull58

In the Algarve
Jan 31, 2012
8,516
Vilamoura, Portugal
You're probably seen this before: -
Windows vs. Ford
For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way computers have enhanced our lives, read on.
At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated,

"If Ford had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon."

In response to Bill's comments, Ford issued a press release stating:

If Ford had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics (and I just love this part):

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash.........twice a day.

2.. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.

3... Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.

4.... Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5..... Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five percent of the roads.

6...... The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation" warning light.

I love the next one!!!

7....... The airbag system would ask, "Are you sure?" before deploying.

8........ Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

9......... Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

10.......... You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.

PS - I'd like to add that when all else fails, you could call "customer service" in some foreign country and be instructed in some foreign language how to fix your car yourself!!!!
 




Commander

Arrogant Prat
NSC Patron
Apr 28, 2004
13,561
London
Thrilling thread.
 




Mellotron

I've asked for soup
Jul 2, 2008
32,478
Brighton
*awaits comments from people who have learnt all the knacks you have to use to make it work, thus missing the entire point that it should be a very simple "drag'n'drop" type procedure*

Don't! Copy from Excel and paste as Device Independent Bitmap. You lose the connection to original spreadsheet and it won't update automatically, but so much easier to work with and closer to wysiwyg than pasting an Excel Chart Object.

Et voila. That was quick.
 
















Bring back WordPerfect. Or Locoscript.

Those were the days.



Locoscript.png
 






TotallyFreaked

Active member
Jul 2, 2011
324
I think some of the problem is that people who use Microsoft office programs are mostly self taught whereas with other business specific applications staff will receive proper training. Once you get into a multi-page formatted sectioned document you are destined for hell unless you work in a well structured and methodical way. The other problem is that we are often given documents that are already been butchered to hell by its previous author and you have no idea how to pick through the rubbish. Poor product + Poor training = Big sad face
 


Cheshire Cat

The most curious thing..
Has anyone ever thought of using pencil 1.1 and a bit of paper 3.0? Low tech, nothing to go wrong (unless the nib breaks and even then you can use a knife 2.9 to sharpen it)
 






slinky

The Only Way Is Brighton
Jan 19, 2011
1,222
BN2
ubuntu, open office. wine. my world is complete
 


8ace

Banned
Jul 21, 2003
23,811
Brighton
VS10 is fine, but it's taken a long time and painful versions to get here. Devenv does consume huge amounts of mem too, and for some reason it keeps rising even wheny you're not doing anything

For as long as I've had task manager to monitor it all M$ apps have pissed memory up the wall.
 




HovaGirl

I'll try a breakfast pie
Jul 16, 2009
3,139
West Hove
Word and Excel were absolutely brilliant about 20 years ago. Then they tweaked them and updated them and ruined them. Again and again and again.
 






Gwylan

Well-known member
Jul 5, 2003
31,830
Uffern
Nope, that'll be iTunes

Absolutely. Only software that comes close to iTunes for awfulness is Powerpoint (he says, conscious that he's going to spend several hours today writing a PP presentation that should take 30 mins)
 


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