[Misc] Mental health and Christmas - 2022

[Happy Exile]

I started a thread like this last year and it was, I think, helpful for some. 1st December seems an appropriate time to re-open it. Quite a few people talked about not enjoying Christmas for all sorts of reasons, about struggling, and about how their mental health takes a battering more than any other time as we get closer to the festivities. And many people - as is common on NSC - gave support and advice and a compassionate, non-judgemental ear just to listen if just listening was what was needed.

So...how are you doing?

(of course I mean 2022, not 2023 if anyone can edit the title, thank you)

 

[Lenny Rider]

I’m 90 days of my AD’s today after over 6 years.

It’s been a challenge, good days and bad, but in the main we are moving forward, off to London with the Commander In Chief today, Winter Wonderland and Elf

As has been debated on NSC, many will always need prescription drugs to help them, I was told that, but at the moment have proved this is not the case.

If anyone is reading this and wants to give it a try without medication, obviously speak to your GP first, and if they think it’s right, do it.

Looking forward to an exciting 2023 for a multitude of reasons.

Take care everyone, and please remember, be kind, always

Harty x

 

[PILTDOWN MAN]

First Christmas since my wife died so really don't know how I feel if honest. I've always done the cooking and have the kids and grandchildren coming. My daughter who lives with me I worry about. My wife died on Jan 6th so very close to that date as well.

I'm off to Bruges with friends tomorrow for a few days which I've done for years (apart from lockdown) which will be nice.

 

[Thunder Bolt]

First Christmas since my wife died so really don't know how I feel if honest. I've always done the cooking and have the kids and grandchildren coming. My daughter who lives with me I worry about. My wife died on Jan 6th so very close to that date as well.

I'm off to Bruges with friends tomorrow for a few days which I've done for years (apart from lockdown) which will be nice.

Be kind to yourself and allow time to grieve.

 

[LamieRobertson]

First Christmas since my wife died so really don't know how I feel if honest. I've always done the cooking and have the kids and grandchildren coming. My daughter who lives with me I worry about. My wife died on Jan 6th so very close to that date as well.

I'm off to Bruges with friends tomorrow for a few days which I've done for years (apart from lockdown) which will be nice.

I think first anniversaries can always be a bit poignant…but also a time for remembering good times and what you have now…a daughter and friends …all the best for you both this Xmas and on January 6th

 

[SK1NT]

Great thread.

Bruges, what a lovely place to visit at this time of year. Hope you have a nice time PILTDOWN MAN.

I find this side of xmas ok. The lovely decs and everyone just seems a little nicer on the run up to xmas. It use to be Jan and Feb i suffered however i really stand by the tips below that i think helped me. I now try and embrace winter.

1) Take vitamin D. I get the 'BetterYou' D3000 vitamin D spray from holland and barretts. Vitamin D is crucial to your mood and immune system and at this time of year we don't get much.

2) I try and go for a nice countryside walk as much a possible. The peacefulness of winter, the crispness of the cold and the beautiful countryside really ccan clear the mind and bring out a smile from me. Life isn't all bad. Getting that day light always helps me when i am at home in the evening and it's getting dark. I use to stay in all over xmas and never got out during the day and it made the evenings and nights so much more depressing.

3) Try and embrace the dark and cold, get cosy, get the blankets out and sit by the fire (if you have one)

4) Try and see friends and family (the ones you like)

5) Balanced diet... eating well helps me.

6) Try and get a little exercise. Over xmas i use to stopped the gym and my football was cancelled. I really think this contributed to my mental health.

7) Most importantly always speak to someone if youre feeling down... even if it is NSC. 99% of the people on NSC are just a wonderful. I have only met a cpl of people from here and that was probably 2 decades ago however i still feel like i have grown up with you lot and am close to so many on here (even though they don't know it). I never feel scared to post feelings on here. That macho man bullshit has gone. Sharing any stresses or worries really helps... it's dam right that a problem shared is a problem halved.

Muchos love

Here’s a useful link: https://apple.news/A4o03w2K7TgKZnVr5GuHPnw

​

 

[Insel affe]

Ah, great thread.

I posted on another thread, I am struggling

I have recently been feeling dizzy, and unbalanced when walking plus quite anxious about things.
So much so I booked an appointment at the doctors at the surgery on Lewes Road, I have never seen the same doctor twice, and I went a few years ago and they did some tests etc and I was border line anaemic, they were supposed to get me on some tablets or something, but during Covid they never got in touch with me or something. They also mentioned at the time my high blood pressure and how I felt was probably anxiety, but offered no help other than, cut down on alcohol, lose weight etc.
Anyway this time I got the same feeling when I was explaining to him my issues, that he was not really interested, he suggested it was just anxiety, but other descriptions I gave are a slight concern like my blood pressure was high, but that could also be anxiety, I asked what if it is not and he reluctantly suggested I take my blood pressure twice daily and after two days they vary from 186/112 and today 163/102, they also have me going back for ECG in two weeks, so I guess they are not that concerned.

Work and home life (teenage daughter and cat about to die of cancer) is stressful, maybe it is just anxiety, but why do I feel like I am wasting his time at the doctors ? Am I ?

Should or can you have dizziness and that high blood pressure through just anxiety ?
Can or how do you treat that then ?

I do go to dark places sometimes, but do not feel like that at the moment, just really confused.

PS: My wife as much as i love her is not much help, as in a true American brough up tuff and get on with it man up mentality, I tried talking to her, but it was not helpful, so much so, I questioned am i mad.
I am not having a go at my wife for that, it is what it is, I do love her and I know she loves me.

Sorry for boring you all.

 

[Zeberdi]

Some excellent points raised (especially @SK1NT above thanks to @Happy Exile for starting the thread.

I know this is about ‘mental health’ but I would just like to highlight that poor mental health can effect you physically.

Many many of us experience stress, anxieties, pressures of day to day living. However, as we get nearer and nearer to Christmas, combined with the current ‘economic crisis’, the risk of mental health having a significant effect on physical health increases.

I’ve noted several posts lately from members talking about stress, social anxiety, pressures at work, at home - all these things can trigger high blood pressure - I don’t want to scare anyone but do keep an eye on your blood pressure - you don’t need a GP, blood pressure monitors are available from high street pharmacies or you could just walk into the nearest health clinic since most of them now have a BP machine in the waiting room anyone off the street can use.

There aren’t any real symptoms of high BP tbh - so it really can be a ‘silent killer’ putting you at risk of heart disease, strokes, heart failure.


Please keep an eye on the Blood Pressure!

More info here

High blood pressure

High blood pressure or hypertension is when your blood pressure is higher than the recommended level, and can increase your chance of having a heart attack or stroke.

www.bhf.org.uk

 

[Zeberdi]

As I typed, @Psychobilly cross posted with me so this is in response

Work and home life (teenage daughter and cat about to die of cancer) is stressful, maybe it is just anxiety, but why do I feel like I am wasting his time at the doctors ? Am I ?

Sorry mate things are a bit rough.

If it’s any help, pharmacies can offer to fit you with an electronic BP cuff that you wear continuously for 24hrs to get a picture of whats going on. I too have very high blood pressure at times and a few months ago was rushed to hospital with a BP of 220/120 (life threatening). Following that, I went to the pharmacy (after the doctors were crap) and said the doctors are concerned about my BP can you monitor it? I wore it as instructed and it took my BP twice hourly for 24hrs. The pharmacist then produced a printout and electronic file which he forwarded to my doctor.

Obviously, this is a chat forum not somewhere you can (or should get) qualified medical opinion but just a heads up, yes, anxiety can cause spikes in blood pressure, anxiety attacks (difficulty breathing, chest pain, dizziness). Low blood pressure can cause dizziness and loss of balance, so a 24hr BP test should rule out you experiencing rapid drops in BP.

Hope that helps a bit..
PS - Feel free to PM anytime it hits the fan

 

[Thunder Bolt]

Ah, great thread.

I posted on another thread, I am struggling

I have recently been feeling dizzy, and unbalanced when walking plus quite anxious about things.
So much so I booked an appointment at the doctors at the surgery on Lewes Road, I have never seen the same doctor twice, and I went a few years ago and they did some tests etc and I was border line anaemic, they were supposed to get me on some tablets or something, but during Covid they never got in touch with me or something. They also mentioned at the time my high blood pressure and how I felt was probably anxiety, but offered no help other than, cut down on alcohol, lose weight etc.
Anyway this time I got the same feeling when I was explaining to him my issues, that he was not really interested, he suggested it was just anxiety, but other descriptions I gave are a slight concern like my blood pressure was high, but that could also be anxiety, I asked what if it is not and he reluctantly suggested I take my blood pressure twice daily and after two days they vary from 186/112 and today 163/102, they also have me going back for ECG in two weeks, so I guess they are not that concerned.

Work and home life (teenage daughter and cat about to die of cancer) is stressful, maybe it is just anxiety, but why do I feel like I am wasting his time at the doctors ? Am I ?

Should or can you have dizziness and that high blood pressure through just anxiety ?
Can or how do you treat that then ?

I do go to dark places sometimes, but do not feel like that at the moment, just really confused.

PS: My wife as much as i love her is not much help, as in a true American brough up tuff and get on with it man up mentality, I tried talking to her, but it was not helpful, so much so, I questioned am i mad.
I am not having a go at my wife for that, it is what it is, I do love her and I know she loves me.

Sorry for boring you all.

Walking is gentle exercise and will help to reduce your blood pressure, plus boosting your feel good endorphins. Try to get a good walk in every day if you can, maybe 30 minutes or so.
I don't know how old you are but your blood pressure does go up with age. I used to be 120/96 but now the first figure is more like 156. If the doctor had suspected anything really bad, he would've referred you. The lower figure is the one to look out for, I was told in May, when I went in for a minor op.

 

[Titanic]

Great thread...

1) Take vitamin D. I get the 'BetterYou' D3000 vitamin D spray from holland and barretts. Vitamin D is crucial to your mood and immune system and at this time of year we don't get much.

2) I try and go for a nice countryside walk as much a possible. The peacefulness of winter, the crispness of the cold and the beautiful countryside really ccan clear the mind and bring out a smile from me. Life isn't all bad. Getting that day light always helps me when i am at home in the evening and it's getting dark. I use to stay in all over xmas and never got out during the day and it made the evenings and nights so much more depressing.
...

Great advice... both my wife (last year) and my mother (onging) have had remarkable improvements when taking Vitamin D

and a country walk is always uplifting!

 

[Norman Potting]

Thoughts with all of you - will try the vitamin D suggestion.

 

[Triggaaar]

I started a thread like this last year and it was, I think, helpful for some. 1st December seems an appropriate time to re-open it. Quite a few people talked about not enjoying Christmas for all sorts of reasons, about struggling, and about how their mental health takes a battering more than any other time as we get closer to the festivities. And many people - as is common on NSC - gave support and advice and a compassionate, non-judgemental ear just to listen if just listening was what was needed.

Yeah good idea. Good health to all, and for those who could benefit from support, I hope you can reach out somewhere, because it's sure to be there.

 

[Weststander]

Ah, great thread.

I posted on another thread, I am struggling

I have recently been feeling dizzy, and unbalanced when walking plus quite anxious about things.
So much so I booked an appointment at the doctors at the surgery on Lewes Road, I have never seen the same doctor twice, and I went a few years ago and they did some tests etc and I was border line anaemic, they were supposed to get me on some tablets or something, but during Covid they never got in touch with me or something. They also mentioned at the time my high blood pressure and how I felt was probably anxiety, but offered no help other than, cut down on alcohol, lose weight etc.
Anyway this time I got the same feeling when I was explaining to him my issues, that he was not really interested, he suggested it was just anxiety, but other descriptions I gave are a slight concern like my blood pressure was high, but that could also be anxiety, I asked what if it is not and he reluctantly suggested I take my blood pressure twice daily and after two days they vary from 186/112 and today 163/102, they also have me going back for ECG in two weeks, so I guess they are not that concerned.

Work and home life (teenage daughter and cat about to die of cancer) is stressful, maybe it is just anxiety, but why do I feel like I am wasting his time at the doctors ? Am I ?

Should or can you have dizziness and that high blood pressure through just anxiety ?
Can or how do you treat that then ?

I do go to dark places sometimes, but do not feel like that at the moment, just really confused.

PS: My wife as much as i love her is not much help, as in a true American brough up tuff and get on with it man up mentality, I tried talking to her, but it was not helpful, so much so, I questioned am i mad.
I am not having a go at my wife for that, it is what it is, I do love her and I know she loves me.

Sorry for boring you all.

Sorry to hear that. I recall your angst when Trump/Biden were doing everything possible to stop you visiting the US … was it last Xmas?

The nearest and dearest are often the worst at listening at listening and helping when someone has anxiety and/or depression. Reveal that side of things to your GP. Mental health resources are ridiculously stretches, if if it’s right for you, may I suggest The Rock Clinic.

 

[SK1NT]

Thoughts with all of you - will try the vitamin D suggestion.

This is what i get... Amazon product ASIN B00AWNART4

 

[chaileyjem]

I watched this during the week. A remarkable film about the actor Jonah Hill and his astonishing therapist - Phil Stutz . It’s a poignant film about both of them , especially their early family life but it’s also full of tools and advice to help anyone struggling with mental health and wellness or fighting off depression. I found it really uplifting.

Want to Change Your Life? Start with Stutz’ Tools from Jonah Hill’s Therapist

“Anyone can take an unpleasant experience and turn it into an opportunity.”

www.netflix.com

PS: good luck everyone else. I’m ok now - touch wood - but went through some difficult episodes in my thirties. Hearing from others like this is incredibly supportive and useful. Thank you.

 

[Superphil]

Some difficult things to read in this thread, and I hope that everyone can follow the guidance of the health professionals and also the advice of the posters here.

It seems quite irrelevant for me to simply say that I thoroughly hate this time of year, it’s not irrational, I have my reasons, but it does make me somewhat difficult to be with. I try to ensure that my wife, friends and family all enjoy the Christmas period, I do all the presents, join in with family/friends get togethers, but overwhelmingly I cannot stand everything that goes on at this time of year. I hate the commercialism of it, the crap that spouts on the tv, the radio, the high street. I’m all for the true story of Christmas, I’m all for family and friends, but I utterly dread the next 3 and a bit weeks, I honestly hate it, it makes me angry, sad and sick.

 

[Mr Banana]

Ah, great thread.

I posted on another thread, I am struggling

I have recently been feeling dizzy, and unbalanced when walking plus quite anxious about things.
So much so I booked an appointment at the doctors at the surgery on Lewes Road, I have never seen the same doctor twice, and I went a few years ago and they did some tests etc and I was border line anaemic, they were supposed to get me on some tablets or something, but during Covid they never got in touch with me or something. They also mentioned at the time my high blood pressure and how I felt was probably anxiety, but offered no help other than, cut down on alcohol, lose weight etc.
Anyway this time I got the same feeling when I was explaining to him my issues, that he was not really interested, he suggested it was just anxiety, but other descriptions I gave are a slight concern like my blood pressure was high, but that could also be anxiety, I asked what if it is not and he reluctantly suggested I take my blood pressure twice daily and after two days they vary from 186/112 and today 163/102, they also have me going back for ECG in two weeks, so I guess they are not that concerned.

Work and home life (teenage daughter and cat about to die of cancer) is stressful, maybe it is just anxiety, but why do I feel like I am wasting his time at the doctors ? Am I ?

Should or can you have dizziness and that high blood pressure through just anxiety ?
Can or how do you treat that then ?

I do go to dark places sometimes, but do not feel like that at the moment, just really confused.

PS: My wife as much as i love her is not much help, as in a true American brough up tuff and get on with it man up mentality, I tried talking to her, but it was not helpful, so much so, I questioned am i mad.
I am not having a go at my wife for that, it is what it is, I do love her and I know she loves me.

Sorry for boring you all.

Have the same problem. The trouble is that knowing anxiety is basically killing me exacerbates the anxiety. I can see that exercise, meditation and dropping the booze would help. The issue with the latter is that I've been snaffling the weekly units of a Slavic vodka hound for the last 20 years or so – and it does provide a few hours a time of relief, so I have to consider the pros and cons. Anyway, solidarity and I hope you find peace with it. Being told to man up etc is a bit like being told to stop drowning by throwing haymakers at the water.

 

[Zeberdi]

…I hate the commercialism of it, the crap that spouts on the tv, the radio, the high street. I’m all for the true story of Christmas, I’m all for family and friends, but I utterly dread the next 3 and a bit weeks, I honestly hate it, it makes me angry, sad and sick.

You’re certainly not alone in that experience of Christmas by a long shot - I can certainly relate to that: When I was first diagnosed with cancer it made me take stock of what was important in life and what to get rid of - I came to hate the shallow way that everyone around me spent Christmas - as if getting drunk, being loud and getting stressed about how much money they were spending was the only way to ’get through it’

Many years later and now being diagnosed with a painful and progressive neurological condition, I don’t even engage with stuff that I know will make me feel emotionally shit - life’s too damn short tbh

My suggestions - not directed at anyone in particular but based on my own experiences of what has worked for me at various times over the years would be:

• If extended/close family members that do not normally live with you, cause you (have caused you) pain and stress which is unresolved, then don’t spend Christmas with them - or at least tell them before you make any plans ‘how’ you would find it difficult and ‘why’ - you never know, that might be the conversation that makes a breakthrough to improving relationships but it’s a conversation better had before you all sit down for a Christmas meal together and all your shit starts hitting the fan after a few bottles of wine!

• We all have a choice how much money we spend, how much we eat and drink etc etc It’s your choice, no one else’s - make it and be ok with it! Only spend money you can afford to - believe me, a big hug and telling someone you love them is far more valuable to them and if that is not enough for the other person, question how much they love you - and why you would put yourself under so much financial pressure for them.

• You don’t have to be religious IMO to have a ‘true meaning’ Christmas and certainly don’t have to be abstentious but if the commercialism and over-indulging is making you sad or leaves you feeling you‘re being somehow deeply ‘cheated’ out of a more ’meaningful’ experience, just one little act of unselfish love to a friend or stranger is enough in my book to fully honour the Christmas ‘message’ whether it be helping out at a drop in centre on Christmas morning to help with the homeless or taking time to drop in to see an elderly neighbour who is on their own - maybe taking them a small gift of food. I honestly believe people would find Christmas less anxious ridden and less painful if they could just do a little something like that and if they already are, maybe a bit more of it.
  
  
• Kids really respond well to having the opportunity to carry out acts of love and generosity too - take them with you when doing any neighbour visits etc or even, if old enough, to help with the homeless for an hour on Christmas morning. It doesn’t have to be acts of kindness to humans either - for example, taking young kids out on Christmas day to feed the ducks ‘so they have a christmas dinner too’ also engenders a sense of the Christmas ‘giving’ story in them.

If all else fails, go to a local Church and sing some Carols on Christmas morning!

 

[Triggaaar]

a slight concern like my blood pressure was high, but that could also be anxiety, I asked what if it is not and he reluctantly suggested I take my blood pressure twice daily and after two days they vary from 186/112 and today 163/102, they also have me going back for ECG in two weeks, so I guess they are not that concerned.

Are you on blood pressure meds? Those numbers are way too high. When you take readings at home, sit and relax with the monitor ready for a good 5 minutes before starting it, to get a good reading.

why do I feel like I am wasting his time at the doctors ? Am I ?

No, you're not.

PS: My wife as much as i love her is not much help, as in a true American brough up tuff and get on with it man up mentality, I tried talking to her, but it was not helpful, so much so, I questioned am i mad.

Well I expect that you're not mad. But if you are, that needs treatment too. Either way, you need some help, so get it.