Baron Pepperpot
Active member
- Thread starter
- #41
was it a 'severe fertility' ?
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Memorable Train Announcements...
- Thread starter Baron Pepperpot
- Start date
was it a 'severe fertility' ?
HawkTheSeagull
New member
"We are now approaching East Worthing, hold onto your valuables folks."
"This train is the 16.47 from Victoria to....err.....where the hell are we going again ? Is this on ? Oh dear - sorry ladies and gentleman"
"Good morning, a miracle has happened today as for once we are on time !!"
"This train is the 16.47 from Victoria to....err.....where the hell are we going again ? Is this on ? Oh dear - sorry ladies and gentleman"
"Good morning, a miracle has happened today as for once we are on time !!"
dje shoreham
New member
- Nov 2, 2009
- 290
When I live in south London in the 80s I remember standing on the platform at Herne Hill and the announcer came on and "sorry that train that just went past should have stopped here"
forrest
New member
On a late night service a couple of Christmas's ago the trains were all mucked up due to high winds and rain. A tree across the line at Balcombe holding everyone up, the conductor comes on and says "Sorry for the delay everyone, hopefully the village idiots will have the tree moved soon. I know you all have had a long day and want to get home. Don't worry i'm p@ssed off as well as I'm going to be late home too and my wife has just informed me that my dinner is now in the dog"
SeagullSongs
And it's all gone quiet..
"Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen, this is the Southern service to Lewes, calling at London Road, Moulsecoomb, Falmer and Lewes. Up the Albion."
Lower West Stander
Well-known member
When the Electrostars came in a few years ago, there was a problem with on train tannoys and you could quite often hear the conversations the guard was having withthe driver.
On one such occasion just after a packed train had pulled out of Three Bridges, the guard came on the tannoy and said, "this train's ****in unbelievable!".
Cue mass laughing on the train. Even the pinstripes thought it was funny.
On one such occasion just after a packed train had pulled out of Three Bridges, the guard came on the tannoy and said, "this train's ****in unbelievable!".
Cue mass laughing on the train. Even the pinstripes thought it was funny.
Lower West Stander
Well-known member
And my second favourite.
This train will be on the move when we can find the guard who has apparently gone off and hidden somewhere in the station.
This train will be on the move when we can find the guard who has apparently gone off and hidden somewhere in the station.
Lord Bracknell
On fire
A ticket inspector, entering a crowded carriage on a very delayed late night train from Victoria ...
"Don't worry, folks. I haven't got the bottle to check whether you've paid good money for this journey".
"Don't worry, folks. I haven't got the bottle to check whether you've paid good money for this journey".
I was on that one!
RexCathedra
Aurea Mediocritas
I remember a few years ago going to a Moby concert at Wembley Arena, and after the concert being on the wrong side of a few, at the end of the journey, the underground train announcer starts breaking into song to the tune of My Way with "and now, the end is near, the train has reached, it's final station" - and carried on with this whole song in that genre.
Everybody on the train was wetting themselves.
Edit: in fact, I've remembered what day it as because I had been to Aldershot to see us win 6-2 in the FA Cup!
Everybody on the train was wetting themselves.
Edit: in fact, I've remembered what day it as because I had been to Aldershot to see us win 6-2 in the FA Cup!
Tony Towner's Fridge
Well-known member
From the great 1937 classic Oh Mr Porter
http://www.screenonline.org.uk/film/id/444280/
Harbottle's immortal line
'The next train's already gone'
May I recommend the full Will Hay back catalogue ?
TNBA
TT le F
http://www.screenonline.org.uk/film/id/444280/
Harbottle's immortal line
'The next train's already gone'
May I recommend the full Will Hay back catalogue ?
TNBA
TT le F
A few years ago the train I was on hurtled through Haywards Heath towards London then came to a sudden halt. After a while the conductor said that the power had been tuned off, due to someone throwing themselves under the train at Haywards Heath, "and the driver and I will now go and look on the track for the body, or parts thereof." (Amazingly the person who had tried to kill themselves had mistimed their jump, the train had gone over them, and they had got up and run away).
"The train just arrived at Platform 5 is Stevenson's Rocket. Railtrack would like to apologise to survivors on this train for the delay in its arrival."
"The train on platform 4 will be leaving for London Victoria just as soon as we can get it off platform 4 and back on the bloody rails where it belongs!"
(NOTE: May not be genuine announcements)
"The train on platform 4 will be leaving for London Victoria just as soon as we can get it off platform 4 and back on the bloody rails where it belongs!"
(NOTE: May not be genuine announcements)
Nibble
New member
- Jan 3, 2007
- 19,238
Heading up to Penrith a few years ago on a Sunday afternoon we halted just outside some tiny station. After about 10 mins the announcement came
"We are sorry for the delay, we will be on our way shortly....Oh, who am I kidding, we're gonna be here for hours. Smoke 'em if you got 'em" followed a minute later by "Ladies and gentlemen I ought to remind you it is an offence to smoke on this train".
"We are sorry for the delay, we will be on our way shortly....Oh, who am I kidding, we're gonna be here for hours. Smoke 'em if you got 'em" followed a minute later by "Ladies and gentlemen I ought to remind you it is an offence to smoke on this train".
Durlston
"You plonker, Rodney!"
On a train with some West Ham fans who were going up to Sheffield (United) on a Saturday morning about ten years ago when they were in the Championship.
The announcer sounded very annoyed and said: "For anyone throwing beer cans filled with urine out of the window at passengers, this train will terminate at the next stop and the British Transport Police will be waiting." Luckily I needed to change at Derby, which was the next stop.
The announcer sounded very annoyed and said: "For anyone throwing beer cans filled with urine out of the window at passengers, this train will terminate at the next stop and the British Transport Police will be waiting." Luckily I needed to change at Derby, which was the next stop.
Joe Gatting's Dad
New member
The one I can never understand:
"I am sorry for the delay, but it was due to a red signal"!
"I am sorry for the delay, but it was due to a red signal"!
Brighton Mackem
Active member
On the Sunderland to newcastle metro, stopped on the bridge over the tyne the day after keegan was sacked. Any newcastle fans can jump off now.
Wardy
NSC's Benefits Guru
Will try and explain it for you. You are aware no doubt that like with roads and traffic lights, there are things that are called signals. Now like traffic lights, if you are driving a car, you are not allowed to go through a red signal. Unlike traffic lights though these signals might be red for a number of reasons. For example a late running earlier train is already on the stretch of track after the signal. This means that the train you are on will need to wait until the track is cleared and the signal changes.