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*MASSIVE team NEWS for TONIGHT & DUCK shocker*



El Presidente

The ONLY Gay in Brighton
Helpful Moderator
Jul 5, 2003
40,005
Pattknull med Haksprut
Is ENREST claiming we lost the first leg of the playoff because Dick Tight BLEW four players?


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John Bumlick

Banned
Apr 29, 2007
3,483
here hare here
Excellent, that's tonight sorted then as surely this exposé will prevent dastardly Dick getting away with it again. I look forward to the next installment BEFOUR the playoff final.
 












Dick Swiveller

Well-known member
Sep 9, 2011
9,524
As his status does not show Banned, I guess this is another sidesplitting wheeze.
 








studio150

Well-known member
Jul 30, 2011
30,227
On the Border
No new posts for 3 days would probably give a clear indication that some action has been taken
 








skipper734

Registered ruffian
Aug 9, 2008
9,189
Curdridge
Free the head ARS. :moo:
 


Dick Swiveller

Well-known member
Sep 9, 2011
9,524
meh-cat_featured.png
 




Frankie

Put him in the curry
May 23, 2016
4,383
Mid west Wales
Rail bosses have dismissed in Ernest a spoof employee newsletter that mocks management, company policy and treatment of staff as poor taste.

Southern Rail’s official employee newsletter, Southern Life, has been reproduced under the name Own Goal.

The provocative re-make jibes at Southern Rail’s decision to cut staff, close stations and “poor treatment of employees.”

Believed to be written by a Southern Rail employee or ex-employee, the front page of the newsletter includes a horoscope section which reads: “2014 will be a stressful time, particularly for those in the Southern hemisphere.


“Work hours will increase, you will feel constantly undervalued and may even find your occupation taken over by machines and Indian call centres.

“Later in the year you will be looking at a new job with better opportunities and life fulfilment from another company that will value you and the work you undertake.”

Another section features a picture of an elderly lady with a cigarette in her mouth, with the caption: “My name is Lil and I was a Southern cleaner helping to keep trains spick and span.“Now I have been pushed out and have to work zero hours at Poundland where they treat me better than Southern. I’m 87.”

A competition offers readers the chance to win a “signed photograph of the MD at Southern (unframed) and a Southern pencil.”

Another fictional employee called Alexandrou, pictured wearing a tight leotard, reveals he used to work in the Hampden Park ticket office, but had since been “removed” from his job and now works as a part-time pig inseminator and a server at a burger bar.

A spoof news story on the letter reports Southern staff are extremely dissatisfied with shifts and working arrangements.

In response to the claims, a fictional character by the name of Sunita Poon – Southern’s head of HR and diversity – says: “We displace staff, introduce half-baked new shifts, increase ticket office queues and sack cleaners because it is the right thing to do and makes even more profit for our shareholders.”


A spokesman from Southern Rail said it was aware of the spoof newsletter.

He said: “It has been sent anonymously in Enrest, so none of the contents can be verified or taken seriously. We have dismissed it as a prank which is in very poor taste.”

Hmmmmmmm :lolol:
 










Beach Hut

Brighton Bhuna Boy
Jul 5, 2003
72,315
Living In a Box
We need an ARS freedom campaign
 




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