Lets have more fun/jokes

[Diablo]

All recent threads Political/Race orientated/Bemoaning Football team. Lets have some jokes to make us smile...I like this..

An RAF fighter plane was flying over Afghanistan when he noticed a flying carpet on each side of his plane both with a machine gunner on board. Sensing danger he shot them down. Back at base he got a right bollocking - apparently they were Allied Carpets!

 

[essbee]

I love your green jokes. That's plenty of re-cycling.

Perhaps we can also have jokes that are less than 100 years old?

 

[JamesAndTheGiantHead]

A man walks into a bar and he says why the long face because it's actually a horse!!!!!!!!!?

 

[atfc village]

Did you hear about the magic tractor?It turned into a field.

 

[Seaber]

http://badkidsjokes.tumblr.com/

 

[Questions]

An RAF fighter plane was flying over Afghanistan when he noticed a flying carpet on each side of his plane both with a machine gunner on board. Sensing danger he shot them down. Back at base he got a right bollocking - apparently they were Allied Carpets!

I do not believe a man on a carpet can actually propel himself through the air at any speed whatsoever. This story might have been believable if the carpets were on water because they might have had a sale on.

 

[Raleigh Chopper]

Last week I was working in a customers house, she used to live in Windsor, I used to live in Ascot, turns out we both had past associations with a certain chocolate company based in Slough, she had a boyfriend whose name was Robert Rocket who worked for that company.

He was driving to work when he was pulled over by the police for speeding.
"What's your name sir" asked the copper.
"Rocket" replies the boyfriend.
"And where are you going sir" the copper asks.
"I am going to Mars" was the reply.
He was arrested and taken to the station.

 

[maltaseagull]

I love your green jokes. That's plenty of re-cycling.

Perhaps we can also have jokes that are less than 100 years old?

Didn't have jet fighters 100 years ago.
Just to be accurate

 

[Tom Hark Preston Park]

I've just joined a wine club. We meet in the park every morning at nine o'clock.

 

[AmexRuislip]

How do you scale a giant thermometer?

You climate.

 

[Mo Gosfield]

How do you scale a giant thermometer?

You climate.

Talking of Colemanballs, has anything ever beaten these......

1) " and Juanterena opens his legs and shows his class "
2) " and Donna Hartley held firm as the giant Russian came inside her "

Priceless!

 

[Mo Gosfield]

Two old boys sitting on a park bench and one says to the other....
" What was the name of that racing driver that got badly burnt? "
" He was Hill wasn't he? "
" Yes, spent weeks getting rebuilt "
" What, the track or him?
" Him, you idiot and anyway Hill died in a plane crash, didn't he?"
" Hill? I never mentioned Hill "
" Yes you did... just now...you're getting old "
" Like you then and anyway, he did die in a plane crash, didn't he? "
" No, he's still around running his airline, isn't he? "
" What, like that Austrian guy?"
" Which Austrian guy ? "
" Lauda "
" WHICH AUSTRIAN GUY? "
" Lauda, Lauda, for Christ Sake Lauda "
" You wanna get your hearing fixed as well "

 

[StonehamPark]

Why did the Chicken cross the road?

 

[WSU Dilettante]

Broken pencils are pointless...

I was reading a book about anti-gravity the other day... Couldn't put it down!

 

[Nibble]

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?
























Cancer.

 

[BHAryan]

Ronaldo has agreed to play a game against the England team, when he asked if he wanted a team to play with he merely refused and insisted to take them on alone- 1 vs 11. The Portuguese staff are all back at home watching live updates and they see that he takes the lead after 1 minute. The game is settled when Wayne Rooney scores in the 90th minute to make it 1-1 and the game finishes a draw. The Portugaese coaches are all over the moon and can't thank ronaldo enough. They goto congratulate him and he is extremely annoyed. They said that 1-1 was still unbelievable and to be proud of himself. "No. No" he said "I'm upset because I was sent off after 9 minutes"

 

[Megazone]

There was a cannibal standing next to a pile of shit looking pretty depressed.

A man walks up to him and asks "why the long face?"

He replies " just dumped my girlfriend"

 

[Titanic]

This is a great idea... are you going to start a new thread for them?

 

[tip top]

It's a bad Valentine's Day when the lamppost by the pub gets more cards and flowers than I do.

 

[AmexRuislip]

I've just completed my 17th OCD awareness course.

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