[Humour] King for a day - 5 Rules

[Insel affe]

1: Revoke the Catholic Callander changed in 525AD & Revert back to 13 months a year like the Ethiopian or International Fixed Calendar.

2: Close the House of Lords, and look at & retrieve all privileges granted/payments that are unwarranted.

3: After the Queen dies, drastically overhaul the Royal Family, possibly bring an end to an outdated monarchy.

4: Invest heavily into the NHS, Schools and Apprenticeships (our future)

5: Every person of every ability does a minimum of 5 days a year (time allowed off from employer or state) working in the community or charity to promote togetherness and understanding and community.

 

[AmexRuislip]

How’s your asparagus

Can't keep up, had it in risotto with bacon last night

 

[Whoislloydy]

I'd abolish the monarchy

 

[Easy 10]

1. Make selling coffee in pubs illegal. You want a skinny caramel latte ? Then f*ck of to Starbucks, and stop wasting everybody else's time.

2. Decomission ITV. Immediately.

3. Piers Morgan to be strapped into a Tesla, and fired into space on Thursday.

4. USB sticks to be redesigned to fit into ports either way up.

5. Rachel Mackley to stop getting pregnant all the time and looking podgy.

 

[lawros left foot]

Nationalise all public utilities without reimbursement. Rail, water , electricity, gas, and any future green technologies.

All Crystal Palace, Dirty Leeds, and Manchester United players have to wear clown make up, including red noses to play any game.

Tony Blooms birthday to be a National Bank Holiday

Priti Patel, Nigel Farage, Tommy Robinson, Katie Hopkins, the entire staff of the Sun, Telegraph, Times, Mail, and Express to be deported to Rwanda.


Craig Cash to write a new series of Early Doors, with all the surviving original cast.

 

[CliveWalkerWingWizard]

Any Sussex kid playing football in any shirt other than Brighton (or Crawley) to be removed from their parents and placed in foster care in the town/city of said strip

To ban mrs brown’s boys and have any remaining copies destroyed

To swap the chefs at isaac@ with the cooks from the market diner, so that they serve something resembling food rather than cold air.

To replace the teaching staff of ‘failing’ schools in socially deprived areas with ofsted inspectors and government politicians, Michael Gove to teach all bottom set Yr 9 classes French.

Ed Sheehan and Taylor Swift any any of those artist who release a record **** x a@sehole x tosser featuring a talentless nobody to be stitched together a la human centipede

 

[DavidinSouthampton]

1. All state education secular (no cash for religious schools)

2. No tax breaks for private schools (they are not 'charities')

3. Voting age to be aligned with age of consent. I think that's sixteen, innit?

4. The right to vote replaced by a qualification based on passing an exam on a few basic fundamentals. Like the UK citizenship exam but a bit more rigorous.

5. Voting by the eligible to be compulsory - with the option to put an X in a box for 'nobody', with no representative for the constituency (local or national elections) if 'nobody' wins.

I could go on but five was the limit.

Certainly agree with #2, and have some sympathy with #1.

 

[The Clamp]

Monarchy gone and their palaces and stolen land to be returned to public ownership.

Tory assets frozen, personal and party. Johnson and his cronies made to apologise to the British public and the world at large before commencing ten years of labour intensive community service. All filmed for a long running reality TV series where we get to vote for various degrading tasks for them to perform. The true will of the people.

Something to do with climate that I haven’t thought through yet. But it will benefit mankind as a whole and will cost billionaires a lot of their personal wealth for the greater good.

Lush banned from every high street. Online sales only.

BHS resurrected along with my late Mum so I can enjoy lunch there with her on a Wednesday afternoon like we used to.

That’s all
Thanks
TC

 

[DavidinSouthampton]

Middle lane driving on motorways to be punishable by a lifetime ban.

Private education to be made illegal (no, I know it’s impractical, but…….)

Minimum income implemented to be linked to the cost of living/rate of inflation to ensure people can afford to both eat and heat their homes.

Some system of proportional representation to be implemented - anything rather than first past the post.

Ban the Daily Mail

 

[happypig]

1. Set a maximum wage
2. Introduce a right-to-buy scheme for private tenants
3. Rent control
4. Provide MPs with accomodation/transport etc and abolish expenses.
5. Michael Gove to be kicked in the goolies live on TV every saturday

 

[Barnet Seagull]

Inheritance tax at 100%
Free scool meals for all u16s
Free university education
Free public transport
Mass building of social housing

 

[Swansman]

1. No more internet

2. More Graham Potter

3. I would legalise inbreeding. England are too close to winning a cup and that would be a crime against tradition. Inbreeding would solve it.

4. Give me some money

5. I would probably reintroduce bears

 

[Stato]

5. I would probably reintroduce bears

"Mr Grizzly, you probably won't remember, but you met Mr & Mrs Polar a few years back at one of the Browns' parties."

 

[Stato]

1) Abolish the monarchy;

2) Oh... I should have thought more carefully about the order of these...

 

[Stato]

1. Make selling coffee in pubs illegal. You want a skinny caramel latte ? Then f*ck of to Starbucks, and stop wasting everybody else's time.

Fair point on the lattes, but pubs need to have black coffee. I'm not drinking that Red Bull swill when I hit a dip. I'll have whiskey in it if it makes you feel better.

 

[beorhthelm]

funny how King for a day varies from Monster Raving Looney to Socialist manifestos.

 

[Smirko]

1 - Make Veganism illegal, punishable by eating 1 big Mac for life

2 - Make all 'insulate Britain', 'Just Stop Oil' -and any other of their ilk- be transported to Venezuela or another 'Socialist Utopia' lets see how lack of free speech and a no shits given Police force treats them there...

3 - Bring back original size Wagon Wheels

4 - Ban all social Media platforms

5 - Hot apple crumble and cold custard to made a compulsory pudding every day in every household

 

[BadFish]

1. Make selling coffee in pubs illegal. You want a skinny caramel latte ? Then f*ck of to Starbucks, and stop wasting everybody else's time.

2. Decomission ITV. Immediately.

3. Piers Morgan to be strapped into a Tesla, and fired into space on Thursday.

4. USB sticks to be redesigned to fit into ports either way up.

5. Rachel Mackley to stop getting pregnant all the time and looking podgy.

I would add that all other inventors, IT people . . . in fact everyone . . . is redirected from their current work to fix this problem. Only continuing with current work once this problem is fixed.

Universal Service Bus ? Not that ****ing universal if you can only put it in one way up . . . and always the wrong way up.

. . . and its not a bus.

 

[The Clamp]

"Mr Grizzly, you probably won't remember, but you met Mr & Mrs Polar a few years back at one of the Browns' parties."

If it’s black - fight back
If it’s brown - lay down
If it’s white- goodnight!

 

[Stato]

If it’s black - fight back
If it’s brown - lay down
If it’s white- goodnight!

And if its Gerald Durrell's Spectacled - duck

(One for any fans of the Fish Brothers).