'Jokes' (merged)

[Mr deez]

What's the most common owl in the world?


The teat.

 

[albion534]

A man at a retirement home was walking around with his zipper down holding his penis.

A young nurse says "Why are you doing that?"

He replies, "It died today."

"Oh that's terrible!", the nurse replied

The next day the man has his penis hanging outside of his pants again.

The same nurse says, "I thought it died yesterday."

The man replies, "It did. Today is the viewing"

 

[albion534]

One fine morning in Eden, God was looking for Adam and Eve, but couldn't find them. Later in the day God saw Adam and asked where he and Eve were earlier. Adam said, "The morning Eve and I made love for the first time."

God said, "Adam, you have sinned. I knew this would happen. Where is Eve now?"

Adam replied, "She's down at the river, washing herself out."

"Damn," says God, "now all the fish will smell funny."

 

[clif26]

2 things I hate about my son's new partner :
He's black.

 

[Seagull on the wing]

Went to an open air cafe' today... When it started to piss down.....took me four hours to eat my soup!

 

[Grombleton]

I think we might as well just copy in the link for Sickipedia in here and have done with it

 

[arfer guinness]

I thought it was "Eric" ??

When I first heard this joke in the 70's it was.

 

[catfish]

A vet and a taxidermist go into business together.Their slogan - "Either way you get your dog back".

 

[SausageTree]

What the difference between light & hard ?

you can sleep with the light on

Oh I don't know, I can't sleep until I've got rid of my hard-on.

 

[Dorset Seagull]

A woman goes for a check up on her 50th birthday and when she gets home her old man asks how it went
"He said I have the breasts of an 18 year old and the legs of a 20 year old" she says
And he says "What did he say about your 50 year old ****" to which she replies
"He never mentioned you"

 

[FamilyGuy]

What the difference between light & hard ?

you can sleep with the light on

What's the difference between an Egg and a w@nk?

You can beat an Egg (c 1975)

 

[Pbseagull]

When I first heard this joke in the 70's it was.

When I first heard it in the 60's it was Dobbin

 

[Birdie Boy]

Oh I don't know, I can't sleep until I've got rid of my hard-on.

 

[salty seagull]

How did the horse get in the pub? Most pubs have small, very difficult to negotiate doors.

So does the bookies,but you can back horses in there.