#jokedujour

[narly101]

I wondered why the frisbee was getting bigger, then it hit me.

 

[Titanic]

I wondered why the frisbee was getting bigger, then it hit me.

Don't leave us hanging... tell us... why was it??

 

[The Rivet]

Jesus & St Peter were bored in heaven. Nothing ever happened. So the pair decided to experience a typical pub/club evening. Having materialised they took a perch at the bar in a town pub. Enjoying themselves they partook of a few too many 'shandies'. A group of young ladies caught their eye and they decided to chance their luck. Well to cut a story short the evening went well and our heroes went off separately into the night.
The next day Jesus finds St Peter and asked him how the rest of his evening went. 'Great, had a fun time and managed to root away blissfully. You?'
Jesus replies it was 'Good, however. After I had seduced her and I managed to run my hand up her inside thigh the bloody thing healed up!

 

[Vegas Seagull]

What's the difference between our Bobby Zamora and a bowl of tomato soup?

 

[SweatyMexican]

Why are you playing frisbee in this weather? It must be freezing outside.

 

[The Brighton Bear]

Jesus & St Peter were bored in heaven. Nothing ever happened. So the pair decided to experience a typical pub/club evening. Having materialised they took a perch at the bar in a town pub. Enjoying themselves they partook of a few too many 'shandies'. A group of young ladies caught their eye and they decided to chance their luck. Well to cut a story short the evening went well and our heroes went off separately into the night.
The next day Jesus finds St Peter and asked him how the rest of his evening went. 'Great, had a fun time and managed to root away blissfully. You?'
Jesus replies it was 'Good, however. After I had seduced her and I managed to run my hand up her inside thigh the bloody thing healed up!

So she healed the hand of Jesus!

 

[Titanic]

What's the difference between our Bobby Zamora and a bowl of tomato soup?

As the correct temperature to serve soup is between 85 and 90 degrees, I would say it is between 48 and 53 degrees centigrade... unless it is gazpacho?

 

[Vegas Seagull]

As the correct temperature to serve soup is between 85 and 90 degrees, I would say it is between 48 and 53 degrees centigrade... unless it is gazpacho?

Not even warm...

 

[Tony Towner's Fridge]

A Lion, a Witch and a Wardrobe walk into a bar in Northern Ireland

The barman turns around and says...

"I'm serving NARNIA"!

TNBA

TTF

 

[JC Footy Genius]

What's the difference between our Bobby Zamora and a bowl of tomato soup?

Tomato soup is a regular starter ...

 

[The Andy Naylor Fan Club]

A Dutch friend of mine had Sat Nav installed in his wooden shoes today. Bloody clever clogs.

 

[Ken Livingstone Seagull]

A Dutch friend of mine had Sat Nav installed in his wooden shoes today. Bloody clever clogs.

Heaven forfend that I should take issue with this excellent quip, however, technically Sat Nav is "smart" rather than "clever." Thus the punch line, Shirley, would be "Bloody smart clogs." Additionally, strictly speaking, wouldn't he, instead, really be "Bloody owner of navigationally accurate clogs?"

 

[knocky1]

What's the difference between our Bobby Zamora and a bowl of tomato soup?

The soup has a fly in it.

 

[Ken Livingstone Seagull]

What's the difference between our Bobby Zamora and a bowl of tomato soup?

I'm thinking, when the soup scores, it dribbles it in. Tomato soup especially is not kinetically able to propel the biscuit into the basket like a rocket from our Bobby. Am I right?

 

[Bry Nylon]

A Dutch friend of mine had Sat Nav installed in his wooden shoes today. Bloody clever clogs.

"Make a shoe-turn where possible."

 

[gjh1971]

I paid £5 to have my tyres pumped up. That's inflation for you

 

[The Rattler]

I paid £5 to have my tyres pumped up. That's inflation for you

£5??!!

That's not inflation, that's balloonacy