[Humour] Joke du jour

[Shropshire Seagull]

My first stab at one of these so please go gentle on me ....
Might align better to the older generation of NSC'ers

My name is Alice Smith and I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist. I noticed his BDA diploma on the wall which gave his full name.

Suddenly, I remembered a tall, handsome, dark-haired boy with the same name who had been in my senior school class some 40-years ago. Could this be the same guy that I had a secret crush on, way back then?

Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, grey-haired man with a deeply lined face was way too old to have been my classmate.

After he examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended Longhill High School? "Yes. Yes I did. I was in Arundel House" he beamed with pride. "What year did you leave?" I asked. "In 1976. Why do you ask?" "You were in my class!" I exclaimed.

He looked at me closely. Then, that ugly, old, bald, wrinkled, fat, grey, decrepit, son-of-a-bitch asked, "What did you teach?"

 

[DavidinSouthampton]

Funnier than most I've seen on here.

 

[AmexRuislip]

Brilliant

 

[Eeyore]

 

[LlcoolJ]

Good.

 

[Mr Bridger]

My grandfather used to say, "As one door closes, another one opens"
Lovely man, terrible cabinet maker.

 

[essbee1]

Fair play. That was good.

 

[Sirnormangall]

I think that’s the first joke I’ve seen about Longhill school. It probably deserves more.

 

[Saladpack Seagull]

My grandfather used to say, "As one door closes, another one opens"
Lovely man, terrible cabinet maker.

That reminds me I've got a Stradivarius and a Rembrandt that are both worthless. It turns out Stradivarius couldn't paint and Rembrandt made terrible violins.....

 

[Shropshire Seagull]

I think that’s the first joke I’ve seen about Longhill school. It probably deserves more.

To be fair, I put the Longhill bit in myself to avert blatant plagiarism and to make it feel closer to home ...

 

[half time scores]

My grandfather used to say, "As one door closes, another one opens"
Lovely man, terrible cabinet maker.

I once had an Austin Allegro that did that.

 

[Blue3]

I once had an Austin Allegro that did that.

I had one of those worst car ever far far to many problems to list fully but it

Leaked oil
Burnt oil
Leaking Windows all of them
Leaking Suspension would wollow round corners and bottom out over bumps
Most rediculous seats huge spongy arm chairs that would catch light as soon as a bit of ciggy ash was near
Window winders always braking
Spongy Brakes
Shagpile carpet that like the seats was often on fire
Door hinges that were so worn the door need lifting to shut

 

[Norman Potting]

I had one of those worst car ever far far to many problems to list fully but it

Leaked oil
Burnt oil
Leaking Windows all of them
Leaking Suspension would wollow round corners and bottom out over bumps
Most rediculous seats huge spongy arm chairs that would catch light as soon as a bit of ciggy ash was near
Window winders always braking
Spongy Brakes
Shagpile carpet that like the seats was often on fire
Door hinges that were so worn the door need lifting to shut

But surely the square steering wheel made up for all that ?

 

[Blue3]

But surely the square steering wheel made up for all that ?

Oh I completly forgot about that car summed up everything that was wrong with the British motor industry in the 1970s, mind you look at the French they also made awful cars in fact it was a toss up which was worse but unlike our Governments the French supported their motor industry and while ours has mostly gone what was left is now owned by others, meanwhile the French have gone from strength to strength the PSA Groupthat make up the three big French brands fiat Nissan and others but also make engines for all sorts of other makers including Susuki, Ford,Volvo, Mazda, Nissan and others

 

[Easy 10]

This has to be the most random thread tangent of 2020.

 

[thedonkeycentrehalf]

I had one of those worst car ever far far to many problems to list fully but it

Leaked oil
Burnt oil
Leaking Windows all of them
Leaking Suspension would wollow round corners and bottom out over bumps
Most rediculous seats huge spongy arm chairs that would catch light as soon as a bit of ciggy ash was near
Window winders always braking
Spongy Brakes
Shagpile carpet that like the seats was often on fire
Door hinges that were so worn the door need lifting to shut

I wrote off an Allegro once. I was driving a Mk1 Astra and hit a patch of black ice driving at 10mph one morning. I managed to steer my way around the new Ford Orion and gently hit the Allegro. It cost me £14 for a new indicator glass for my car. The Allegro was written of by the insurance company as the slightest of touches managed to crease the floor of the Allegro and make it beyond economic repair!

 

[timbha]

My first stab at one of these so please go gentle on me ....
Might align better to the older generation of NSC'ers

My name is Alice Smith and I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist. I noticed his BDA diploma on the wall which gave his full name.

Suddenly, I remembered a tall, handsome, dark-haired boy with the same name who had been in my senior school class some 40-years ago. Could this be the same guy that I had a secret crush on, way back then?

Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, grey-haired man with a deeply lined face was way too old to have been my classmate.

After he examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended Longhill High School? "Yes. Yes I did. I was in Arundel House" he beamed with pride. "What year did you leave?" I asked. "In 1976. Why do you ask?" "You were in my class!" I exclaimed.

He looked at me closely. Then, that ugly, old, bald, wrinkled, fat, grey, decrepit, son-of-a-bitch asked, "What did you teach?"

I had some friends at Longhill around that time who might have also been in your class. What did you teach?

 

[driller]

The bda or British dental association do not award diplomas
They are effectively the dentist trade union giving advice and settling disputes.
A diploma would be awarded by the dental schools or their associated university
It is because of this I do not really believe this story.

 

[Shropshire Seagull]

The bda or British dental association do not award diplomas
They are effectively the dentist trade union giving advice and settling disputes.
A diploma would be awarded by the dental schools or their associated university
It is because of this I do not really believe this story.

Thanks for filling us in with your wisdom [teeth] !
The original that I amended mentions "DDS Diploma", "Morgan Park High School", being a "Mustang" [house] and "graduating in 1959" so I'll hope the British Dental Association cut me some slack for my oversight ....

Spoiler!

 

[Goldstone1976]

I’m not completely certain that the OP’s story is true, but this one is: on my last visit to the dentist I got chatting to the patient sitting beside me in the waiting room. He told me that he was in for root canal treatment but had told the receptionist that he was a Buddhist and didn’t want any anaesthetic during treatment. I guess he wanted to transcend dental medication. Slightly odd bloke, but calm enough I thought.