Joke Du Jour .......

[Northstander]

There was this guy and he had a girlfriend named Lorraine who was very
pretty and he liked her a lot.
One day he went to work and found that a new girl had started working there.
Her name was Claire-Lee and she was absolutely gorgeous.
He became quite besotted with Claire-Lee and after a while it became obvious
that she was interested in him too, but this guy was a loyal man
And he wouldn't do anything with Claire-Lee while he was still going out
with Lorraine.
He decided that there was nothing left to do but to break up with Lorraine
and get it on with Claire-Lee.
He planned several times to tell Lorraine but he couldn't bring himself to
do it.
Then one day they went for a walk along the riverbank when Lorraine slipped
and fell in to the river.
The current carried her off and she drowned.
The guy stopped for a moment by the river and then ran off smiling and
singing...



Get ready, it's good.....

Here it comes... .






"I can see Claire-Lee now Lorraine has gone"

 

[ben andrews' girlfriend]

thats terrible!!

 

[zefarelly]

I'm speecheless

 

[Titanic]

and if anyone was thinking of posting the similarly tired "It's a knick-knack, Patty Wack, give the frog a loan; his old man's a Rolling Stone." 'joke' - please don't!

 

[Northstander]

not heard it but sounds good!!

 

[seagull over spain]

That is so bad Northstander it is fuuny.

The following contribution is of an adult nature:

Bloke goes into a pub and the barmaid asks what he wants. "I want to
bury my face in your cleavage and lick the sweat from between your
tits."

"You dirty bugger" shouts the barmaid "get out before I get my husband"
The bloke apologises and promises not to repeat his gaffe. The barmaid
accepts this and asks him again what he wants. "I want to pull your
pants down, spread yoghurt between the cheeks of your butt and lick it
all off"
"You dirty filthy pervert. You're banned. Get out!!" she screams.
Again, the bloke apologises and swears never ever to do it again.
"One more chance" says the barmaid. "Now - what do you want?"
"I want to turn you upside down, and fill your pussy with Guinness, and
then drink every last drop from the cup" The barmaid is furious at this
personal intrusion, so runs upstairs to fetch her husband, who's
sitting quietly watching the telly.
"What's up love?"
"There's a bloke in the bar who wants to put his head between my tits
and lick the sweat off"
"I'll kill him. Where is he?" storms the husband.
"Then he said he wanted to pour yoghurt down between my arse cheeks and
lick it off"
"Right. He's dead" says the husband, reaching for a baseball bat.
"Then he said he wanted to turn me upside down, fill my pussy with
Guinness and then drink it all..."
The husband then puts down his baseball bat and returns to his armchair
and switches the telly back on.
"Aren't you going to do something about it?!!!!" she cries
hysterically.
Her husband replies, "Look love. I'm not f***ing around with someone
who can drink 15 pints of Guinness..."

 

[Soul Finger]

Excellent!

Just laughed out loud at work as my ex girlfriend walked past!

 

[Biscuit]

Saw it coming a mile of...

 

[Hiney]

Marvellous SoS

 

[Lord Cornwallis]

Al Capone has a brand new pair of Italian loafers made, hand tooled leather, the works.The cobbler tells him to let them air out naturally, so Al puts them on the window sill and opens the window.
A little later a big old stray tomcat jumps up on the sill and claws and chews the shit out of the splendid new loafers. Capone goes ape and puts a contract out on the cat. He gathers his heavies together and tells them that there's $1,000 to the first man to bring me the head of that tatty f***ing ginger tom.
An hour later one of the hitmen comes in carrying a dead moggy and asks Capone.












"Pardon me Al, is this the cat that chewed yer new shoes?"



Sorry, but Northstander started it.

 

[Lammy]

"Pardon me Al, is this the cat that chewed yer new shoes?"



Sorry, but Northstander started it.

Don't get it?

 

[Soton Seagull]

Don't get it?

Same here.

 

[Brovion]

Don't get it?

"Pardon me boy, is that the Chatanooga Choo-choo?"

Old Glen Miller song. Chatanooga choo-choo - cat that chewed your new shoes - geddit? Oh please yourselves.

Lord C - these youngsters eh?

 

[Lammy]

"Pardon me boy, is that the Chatanooga Choo-choo?"

Old Glen Miller song. Chatanooga choo-choo - cat that chewed your new shoes - geddit? Oh please yourselves.

Lord C - these youngsters eh?

Oh I get it now! It was just a shit joke!

 

[The Great Cornholio]

There was this guy and he had a girlfriend named Lorraine who was very
pretty and he liked her a lot.
One day he went to work and found that a new girl had started working there.
Her name was Claire-Lee and she was absolutely gorgeous.
He became quite besotted with Claire-Lee and after a while it became obvious
that she was interested in him too, but this guy was a loyal man
And he wouldn't do anything with Claire-Lee while he was still going out
with Lorraine.
He decided that there was nothing left to do but to break up with Lorraine
and get it on with Claire-Lee.
He planned several times to tell Lorraine but he couldn't bring himself to
do it.
Then one day they went for a walk along the riverbank when Lorraine slipped
and fell in to the river.
The current carried her off and she drowned.
The guy stopped for a moment by the river and then ran off smiling and
singing...



Get ready, it's good.....

Here it comes... .






"I can see Claire-Lee now Lorraine has gone"

It was Shirley when I heard it 15 years ago!

 

[Easy 10]

Sorry, but that is absolutely piss-poor

 

[The Great Cornholio]

"Pardon me boy, is that the Chatanooga Choo-choo?"

Old Glen Miller song. Chatanooga choo-choo - cat that chewed your new shoes - geddit? Oh please yourselves.

Lord C - these youngsters eh?

Thats similar to my dads favourite joke about the Irishman who keeps asking the pianist to play Paddy, me boy.

 

[Lord Cornwallis]

I did say I was sorry when I posted it. Bloody youngsters.
Thanks Brovian.

 

[trueblue]

and if anyone was thinking of posting the similarly tired "It's a knick-knack, Patty Wack, give the frog a loan; his old man's a Rolling Stone." 'joke' - please don't!

THAT is a truly GREAT joke!!!!