[Misc] Joke De Jour

[Eeyore]

Thanks. I honestly didn't understand what you were aiming for.

I was looking at the "were wolfs" thing thinking is the deliberate difference from "werewolves" a clue? Then I was looking at the end line with "at moment" and was it something about missing the word "the" in that sentence?

I was obviously over thinking it!

I think the joke was rather badly thought out in its final production. And when I suddenly started explaining the danger of proximity to werewolves I realised it was time to call it a day. I fear the moment now lost.

 

[South Stand Bonfire]

I don’t believe animals are allowed into the Amex unless they are service or guide dogs? They would therefore be picked up when they tried to scan their tickets on their smartphones - explain that one? How would they obtain and use a smartphone in the first instance? For this reason, I don’t believe the OP’s storey is correct. An alternative storey could have been along the lines of:-

A snail walks up to the Amex and tries to enter the stadium.
A steward says we don’t allow snails into the Amex, picks him ( or her/ them/ they) up and throws him into the nearest field.
Exactly one year later, the snail walks up to the steward and says “Why did you do that?”

 

[A mex eyecan]

I think the joke was rather badly thought out in its final production. And when I suddenly started explaining the danger of proximity to werewolves I realised it was time to call it a day. I fear the moment now lost.

you could try on another evening, maybe on the next full moon

 

[jcdenton08]

I don’t believe animals are allowed into the Amex unless they are service or guide dogs? They would therefore be picked up when they tried to scan their tickets on their smartphones - explain that one? How would they obtain and use a smartphone in the first instance? For this reason, I don’t believe the OP’s storey is correct. An alternative storey could have been along the lines of:-

A snail walks up to the Amex and tries to enter the stadium.
A steward says we don’t allow snails into the Amex, picks him ( or her/ them/ they) up and throws him into the nearest field.
Exactly one year later, the snail walks up to the steward and says “Why did you do that?”

The issue is, this relies on a talking snail existing, which frankly seems implausible

 

[GT49er]

The issue is, this relies on a talking snail existing, which frankly seems implausible

Implausible? Certainly inaudible - but surely more feasible than a snail walking?

 

[dsr-burnley]

I don’t believe animals are allowed into the Amex unless they are service or guide dogs? They would therefore be picked up when they tried to scan their tickets on their smartphones - explain that one? How would they obtain and use a smartphone in the first instance? For this reason, I don’t believe the OP’s storey is correct. An alternative storey could have been along the lines of:-

A snail walks up to the Amex and tries to enter the stadium.
A steward says we don’t allow snails into the Amex, picks him ( or her/ them/ they) up and throws him into the nearest field.
Exactly one year later, the snail walks up to the steward and says “Why did you do that?”

The point is that when they bought their tickets they were in fully human form. It was later on, when they had turned into werewolves, that they noticed that the crowd was a bit sparse. Probably a hold up with the trains and buses.

 

[Eeyore]

The point is that when they bought their tickets they were in fully human form. It was later on, when they had turned into werewolves, that they noticed that the crowd was a bit sparse. Probably a hold up with the trains and buses.

I'd suggest that after the game would be the perfect time to transition. That would clear the train queue quick enough. That said, it wouldn't stop the cancellations. They'd have to stay and amuse themselves by eating some unsuspecting students.

 

[bhafc99]

Is this a marketing campaign for the upcoming Fan Zone?

Show a couple of ‘unusual/unsociable’ people turning up to The Amex, and not being ‘in the know’ enough to realise everyone goes to the amazing new Fan zone before kick off?

Otherwise I don’t get it.

 

[ConfusedGloryHunter]

The point is that when they bought their tickets they were in fully human form. It was later on, when they had turned into werewolves, that they noticed that the crowd was a bit sparse. Probably a hold up with the trains and buses.

I always understood that werewolves were usually in human form until they see a full moon in the sky, when they transform into monsters until the moon is no longer visible.

So unless the game is an evening kick off with clear skies I dont think there would be an issue.

And once in the ground, light polution would probably prevent any mishaps anyway.

 

[Jack Straw]

Two werewolves buy tickets for a home match at the AMEX

Turning up half an hour before kick off, one turns to the other and says 'There doesn't seem to be many people around at the moment.'

I was one of the few people there, and they let me take this. They were really nice, and knew lots about the Albion. They were on the "92 Mission", and said that The Amex was the best stadium they had visited so far. They asked why there weren't many fans at any of the grounds they'd visited, but I couldn't give them an answer.

 

[Brovion]

Two werewolves buy tickets for a home match at the AMEX

Turning up half an hour before kick off, one turns to the other and says 'There doesn't seem to be many people around at the moment.'

*Breaks character*

Ok, look I know the whole point of Joke DU jour threads is that the joke is (usually) intentionally bad, and then the humour comes from the other posters and their witty deconstructions - but at least the OP actually supplies a joke in the first place. Did you miss out the punchline? Is the second werewolf supposed to say something like "Well I'm not surprised with tickets at £50 a pop", or "No, they're all drinking in the Swan as they're boycotting the new Fan Zone bar because it's prioritising Amex cardholders".

I can't actually see anything in that post that constitutes a 'joke'.

 

[ConfusedGloryHunter]

*Breaks character*

Ok, look I know the whole point of Joke DU jour threads is that the joke is (usually) intentionally bad, and then the humour comes from the other posters and their witty deconstructions - but at least the OP actually supplies a joke in the first place. Did you miss out the punchline? Is the second werewolf supposed to say something like "Well I'm not surprised with tickets at £50 a pop", or "No, they're all drinking in the Swan as they're boycotting the new Fan Zone bar because it's prioritising Amex cardholders".

I can't actually see anything in that post that constitutes a 'joke'.

I can see your confusion. The issue is that they were in werewolf form when they arrived causing everyone else to flee. That the first werewolf is surprised by this is where the humour comes in.

 

[Brovion]

I can see your confusion. The issue is that they were in werewolf form when they arrived causing everyone else to flee. That the first werewolf is surprised by this is where the humour comes in.

Ah! Thank you. That makes a bit more sense. Shit joke, but I get it now. However surely though they'd have seen the people fleeing? I don't get the surprise. Normally half an hour before kick-off the place is pretty rammed.

 

[ConfusedGloryHunter]

Ah! Thank you. That makes a bit more sense. Shit joke, but I get it now. However surely though they'd have seen the people fleeing? I don't get the surprise. Normally half an hour before kick-off the place is pretty rammed.

Yes, it has been suggested that there may be flaws in the narrative.

I wonder if perhaps two aliens would work better?

Two aliens buy tickets for a home match at the AMEX.

Turning up half an hour before kick off they circled around the stadium three times before finding somewhere to land. They slithered down the craft's ramp in a cloud of purple gas, before approaching the fan zone.

"Funny", growls the first alien, "The game hasn't even started yet so why is everyone leaving already?"

 

[smillie's garden]

I was one of the few people there, and they let me take this. They were really nice, and knew lots about the Albion. They were on the "92 Mission", and said that The Amex was the best stadium they had visited so far. They asked why there weren't many fans at any of the grounds they'd visited, but I couldn't give them an answer.
View attachment 198133

I find AI art much more frightening than lycanthropes. In fact, if this is our pictorial future, I’m probably going to offer my throat during an upcoming full moon - I may even slather some source on it.

 

[US Seagull]

I'd have to check the schedule, but did we have any games this season that were a) after dark and b) on a full moon and c) not overcast?

Otherwise it's just two blokes going to the Amex, and the whole thing falls apart.

 

[smillie's garden]

Yes, it has been suggested that there may be flaws in the narrative.

I wonder if perhaps two aliens would work better?

Two aliens buy tickets for a home match at the AMEX.

Turning up half an hour before kick off they circled around the stadium three times before finding somewhere to land. They slithered down the craft's ramp in a cloud of purple gas, before approaching the fan zone.

"Funny", growls the first alien, "The game hasn't even started yet so why is everyone leaving already?"

I imagine our algorithm driven recruiting operation is monitoring prospects in other galaxies? Think of the shirt sales if one comes good.

 

[dsr-burnley]

I always understood that werewolves were usually in human form until they see a full moon in the sky, when they transform into monsters until the moon is no longer visible.

So unless the game is an evening kick off with clear skies I dont think there would be an issue.

And once in the ground, light polution would probably prevent any mishaps anyway.

If you had studied Buffy the Vampire Slayer a little more closely, you would know that werewolves turn wolfy after sunset regardless of whether or not they can see the moon. And it covers three nights, the night before and the night after the full moon are included.

I think Buffy is the ultimate authority in these matters.

 

[bhafc99]

Yes, it has been suggested that there may be flaws in the narrative.

I wonder if perhaps two aliens would work better?

Two aliens buy tickets for a home match at the AMEX.

Turning up half an hour before kick off they circled around the stadium three times before finding somewhere to land. They slithered down the craft's ramp in a cloud of purple gas, before approaching the fan zone.

"Funny", growls the first alien, "The game hasn't even started yet so why is everyone leaving already?"

Doesn’t work if they haven’t also bought a parking ticket (Bridge, University etc).

 

[Jack Straw]

I think Buffy is the ultimate authority in these matters.

Would that be the same Buffy I've seen on xhamster?