[Humour] Joke de Jour

[shingle]

Recently, there was a football match between the animals and the insects. At half time the animals were 3-0 up. At the start of the 2nd half the insects brought on their star player, a centipede called Dave. At the end of the match the insects had won 7-3 with Dave the centipede scoring all 7 goals. At the end of the game the captain of the animals team came up to the centipede and said, why didn't you start the game to which Dave the centipede replied.

It took me till half time to get me boots on.
BOOM

 

[jcdenton08]

Recently, there was a football match between the animals and the insects. At half time the animals were 3-0 up. At the start of the 2nd half the insects brought on their star player, a centipede called Dave. At the end of the match the insects had won 7-3 with Dave the centipede scoring all 7 goals. At the end of the game the captain of the animals team came up to the centipede and said, why didn't you start the game to which Dave the centipede replied.

It took me till half time to get me boots on.
BOOM

I find this story very unlikely.

And Dave, while clearly a talented footballer, showed a severe lack of preparation in his pre-match routine by not putting his boots on sooner.

Something seems off about this.

 

[The Wookiee]

The animals must be really crap to have only scored 3 goals against a team that aren’t big enough to even kick a ball !

 

[Is it PotG?]

I think an idea for the future might be a product endorsed by football legend Jamie Redknapp.

Slip-on Skechers would save Dave a lot of time in his preparation.

 

[Stat Brother]

I find this story very unlikely.

I find this story about 50 years old - and it wasn't funny then either.

Imagine not being funny when all we had for entertainment was coal.

 

[METALMICKY]

I find this story very unlikely.

And Dave, while clearly a talented footballer, showed a severe lack of preparation in his pre-match routine by not putting his boots on sooner.

Something seems off about this.

Indeed. It's a schoolboy error. And in an era of super light slipper like boots surely there were slip on boots available

 

[essbee1]

Just to let you know shittle, I'm laughing at you, not with you.

 

[Cotton Socks]

What size was the ball and the animals? Clearly going to be a difference in goal scoring ability between a size 5 football and a table tennis ball, depending on the animals.

 

[South Stand Bonfire]

If it took him so long to lace up his boots, why didn’t Dave start changing earlier?

Changing the subject slightly, I was in a pub once and a tortoise crawled up to the bar and ordered a pint. The barman said he didn’t serve tortoises, picked him up, walked to the front door and threw him out as far as he could. Six months later, the same tortoise walked into the same pub, walked up to the barman and said “Why did you do that?”

 

[el punal]

The centipede would have made a hell of a mess if he did knee slides after scoring. The ground staff would be very displeased.

 

[Goldstone1976]

Umm…insects are animals.

 

[shingle]

Just to let you know shittle, I'm laughing at you, not with you.

Bit weird. Have I upset you

 

[Herr Tubthumper]

Given centipedes can’t speak I don’t believe this story.

 

[US Seagull]

Umm…insects are animals.

This. Why did it take 10 posts before somebody pointed out this obvious problem with the whole set up. Did he mean mammals vs insects?

To not consider insects to be fully animals is, quite frankly, racist.

 

[Questions]

I find this story about 50 years old - and it wasn't funny then either.

Imagine not being funny when all we had for entertainment was coal.

We always had coke.

 

[Questions]

If it took him so long to lace up his boots, why didn’t Dave start changing earlier?

Changing the subject slightly, I was in a pub once and a tortoise crawled up to the bar and ordered a pint. The barman said he didn’t serve tortoises, picked him up, walked to the front door and threw him out as far as he could. Six months later, the same tortoise walked into the same pub, walked up to the barman and said “Why did you do that?”

Because he’d been told that’s why… Admittedly the barman was very much over zealous

 

[Baldseagull]

Recently, there was a football match between the animals and the insects. At half time the animals were 3-0 up. At the start of the 2nd half the insects brought on their star player, a centipede called Dave. At the end of the match the insects had won 7-3 with Dave the centipede scoring all 7 goals. At the end of the game the captain of the animals team came up to the centipede and said, why didn't you start the game to which Dave the centipede replied.

It took me till half time to get me boots on.
BOOM

No mention of the earwig with number 0 on his shirt. Crowd loved him, and were signing earwig o, earwig o, earwig o.

 

[Bodian]

Recently, there was a football match between the animals and the insects. At half time the animals were 3-0 up. At the start of the 2nd half the insects brought on their star player, a centipede called Dave. At the end of the match the insects had won 7-3 with Dave the centipede scoring all 7 goals. At the end of the game the captain of the animals team came up to the centipede and said, why didn't you start the game to which Dave the centipede replied.

It took me till half time to get me boots on.
BOOM

Although he may have scored all the goals, he wasn't the one that the fans were chanting for was he.

Oh no - that was Ear Wig, who wore the number 0 shirt.

 

[Bodian]

No mention of the earwig with number 0 on his shirt. Crowd loved him, and were signing earwig o, earwig o, earwig o.

I don't believe it - you posted that I was I was slowly typing my post!! Too slow Bodian, that's what they used to say to me before I stopped playing at 50.

 

[METALMICKY]

At which point did he put his shin pads and deep heat on?