[Misc] Joke de Jour

[Albion my Albion]

At first, I thought my chiropractor wasn’t any good, but now I stand corrected.

 

[Eeyore]

Ha! Fancy that - Barry’s comment sounds almost exactly like a line from one of the Bee Gee’s hit records!

I bet they had a good laugh about that, once they’d realised! (After they’d checked he was ok and it was simply a headache and nothing more sinister, obvs).

I'm glad he's okay. We wouldn't want a Tragedy.

(There's an open goal waiting here)

 

[Albion my Albion]

Q: What do you call a line of dads waiting to get haircuts?
A: The barberqueue!

 

[Albion my Albion]

Q: Why should you never brush your teeth with your left hand?
A: Because a toothbrush works better!

 

[Albion my Albion]

Q: Why can’t you send a duck to space?
A: Because the bill would be astronomical!

 

[Albion my Albion]

Q: Why are peppers the best at archery?
A: Because they habanero!

 

[Albion my Albion]

Q: Why did the computer get mad at the printer?
A: Because it didn’t like its toner voice.

 

[Stato]

I was at my doctor's yesterday. He said, "Don't eat anything fatty."

I replied, "You mean like bacon or sausage?" He answered, "No fatty. Don't eat anything!"

Sounds like you might go to the same doctor as Gary Delaney:

 

[Eeyore]

I see the concept of original jokes has been lost.

No chance of this thread stayin' alive

 

[Bodian]

An Eeyore original..

The Bee Gees were once painting a house. But Barry had a bit of a headache as a result.

He was asked if he felt it was down to the oil based primer. 'No' he said 'It's just emulsion that's taking me over'

Were they working on a weekend evening? Did they check to see if he had got a fever?

 

[Eeyore]

Were they working on a weekend evening? Did they check to see if he had got a fever?

Yes, it was quite toxic. Spirits having flown.

 

[maltaseagull]

Justice is a dish best served cold. If it were served warm, it would be justwater.




Think hard. You'll get it.


hint: just-ice

If you need to explain it, it's not working.
That wasn't.

 

[Normal Rob]

I've begun shoehorning large grey animals into every sentence, even when they're not relephant.

 

[Sid and the Sharknados]

I've begun shoehorning large grey animals into every sentence, even when they're not relephant.

My housemate brought an elephant home the other day. It's taking up the whole living room.
I'm refusing to acknowledge it.

 

[South Stand Bonfire]

At first, I thought my chiropractor wasn’t any good, but now I stand corrected.