Joke de jour

[Simster]

One evening, a man was at home watching TV and eating peanuts. He'd

toss them in the air, and then catch them with his mouth. In the middle

of catching a peanut, his wife asked him a question. As he turned to

answer her, the peanut fell into his ear. He tried and tried to dig the peanut out, but only succeeded in pushing it in deeper into his ear.



He called his wife for assistance, and after several hours of trying to remove the peanut, they became concerned and decided to go to the

hospital. As they were ready to go out the door, their daughter came

home with her date. After being informed of their problem, their

daughter's date said he could get the peanut out. The young man told the

father to sit down. The young man then shoved two fingers up the

father's nose and told him to blow hard. When the father blew, the

peanut flew out. The mother and daughter jumped and yelled for joy. The

young man insisted that it was nothing and the daughter brought the

young man to the kitchen for something to eat. Once he was gone, the

mother turned to the father.



"That's wonderful. He's so smart! I wonder what he's gonna be when he

grows up!"



"From the smell of his fingers, our son-in-law."

 

[hans kraay fan club]

That's a bit dodgy. How did he know...............

 

[Questions]

Do you have to marry them if you finger then then ?

 

[Cecil]

Very good ....

 

[Deano's Right Foot]

Sim, that is honestly one of the weakest jokes that I have heard. My seven year-old MAKES UP jokes better than that.

Like this one:

Knock Knock
Who's There?
Ineedap
Ineedap who?....
You need a poo?.

 

[Barnet Seagull]

The best Knock Knock joke is clearly

Knock Knock
Who's There?
Doctor
Doctor Who?

You just said it!

 

[Questions]

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right.....crap joke time is it ?

A guy from Glasgow walks into a bar in the Welsh valleys and orders a white wine. Everybody in the bar turns round and snarls at the stranger.

Barman says"You aint from around here are you boyo ? ''
Scotsman says"Does the kilt give it away ? I`m from Scotland''
Barman"What you do in Scotland"
Scotsman"I`m a taxidermist"
Barman"Taxidermist whats that"
Scotsman"I mount sheep and other animals"
Barman shouts to the locals
"He's ok lads he is one of us"

 

[Superphil]

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right.....crap joke time is it ?

A guy from Aberdeen walks into a bar in the Welsh valleys and orders a white wine. Everybody in the bar turns round and snarls at the stranger.

Barman says"You aint from around here are you boyo ? ''
Scotsman says"Does the kilt give it away ? I`m from Scotland''
Barman"What you do in Scotland"
Scotsman"I`m a taxidermist"
Barman"Taxidermist whats that"
Scotsman"I mount sheep and other animals"
Barman shouts to the locals
"He's ok lads he is one of us"

To the fans of Glasgow football teams, Aberdeen is considered "Sheepshagger" country

 

[Questions]

To the fans of Glasgow football teams, Aberdeen is considered "Sheepshagger" country

 

[Juan Albion]

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right.....crap joke time is it ?

A guy from Glasgow walks into a bar in the Welsh valleys and orders a white wine. Everybody in the bar turns round and snarls at the stranger.

Barman says"You aint from around here are you boyo ? ''
Scotsman says"Does the kilt give it away ? I`m from Scotland''
Barman"What you do in Scotland"
Scotsman"I`m a taxidermist"
Barman"Taxidermist whats that"
Scotsman"I mount sheep and other animals"
Barman shouts to the locals
"He's ok lads he is one of us"

After the events of the past week, I think that joke would be set more appropriately in South East England.

 

[essbee]

Simster,

End of Pier Standard I'm afraid!

Shockingly bad.

 

[¤DãŃn¥ §êãGüLL¤]

Well I liked it.

Hardly a glowing character reference I know.

 

[London Pompous]

Q: What do Shannon Matthews (remember her) and porn mags have in common?

A: You stick both of them under the bed after wanking over them.

 

[NMH]

Oldie, but.....

How do you now when it's bedtime in Neverland? (Michael Jackson's ranch)

When the big hand is on the little hand

 

[Questions]

A big, fat, useless, ginger left back, asked the new manager of a football club if there was any chance of hanging around for a bit longer for old

time sake and he would even butter him up in the local press.

And the manager said, ''Yeah ok then''