James Bond Joke!

[JAMC]

A very confident James Bond walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very
attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance then casually looks at his
watch for a moment.

The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"

"No," he replies, "Q has just given me this state-of-the-art watch. I was
just testing it."

The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about
it?"

Bond explains, "It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically."

The lady says, "What's it telling you now?"

"Well, it says you're not wearing any panties...."

The woman giggles and replies, "Well it must be broken because I am wearing
panties!"

Bond smirks, taps his watch and says, "Bloody thing's an hour fast."

 

[Marc]

thats a bloody GREAT chat up line

 

[Citrus]

 

[SK1NT]

LOVE THAT!

 

[Raphael Meade]

that is WELL good

 

[SK1NT]

if anyone gets a slap in the face for using that chat up line, let us know

 

[Braders]

quality

 

[Marshy]

old !

 

[CAFC Matt]

That is qaulity

 

[seagull over spain]

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door. "Hurry!" she said, "stand in the corner." She quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then she dusted Him with talcum powder. "Don't move until I tell you to," she whispered. "Just pretend you're a statue."
"What's this, honey?" the husband inquired as he entered the room. "Oh, it's just a statue," she replied nonchalantly. "The Smiths bought one for their bedroom. I liked it so much, I got one for us too." No more was said about the statue, not even later that night when they went to sleep. Around two in the morning the husband got out of bed, went to the kitchen and returned a while later with a sandwich and a glass of milk. "Here," he said to the 'statue', "eat something. I stood like an idiot at the Smiths' for three days, and nobody offered me as much as a glass of water."

 

[Biscuit]

 

[Le Premier Cru]

Both classics, oft to be retold.

 

[zefarelly]

nice one SoS !

the bond ones good . . .but about as the Albions Charity shield win !

 

[Marc]

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door. "Hurry!" she said, "stand in the corner." She quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then she dusted Him with talcum powder. "Don't move until I tell you to," she whispered. "Just pretend you're a statue."
"What's this, honey?" the husband inquired as he entered the room. "Oh, it's just a statue," she replied nonchalantly. "The Smiths bought one for their bedroom. I liked it so much, I got one for us too." No more was said about the statue, not even later that night when they went to sleep. Around two in the morning the husband got out of bed, went to the kitchen and returned a while later with a sandwich and a glass of milk. "Here," he said to the 'statue', "eat something. I stood like an idiot at the Smiths' for three days, and nobody offered me as much as a glass of water."

genius