It's gone 11pm, I've had a whiskey, lets hear some of our favourite VIZ quotes;

[JamesAndTheGiantHead]

 

[JamesAndTheGiantHead]

 

[surrey jim]

AVOID jet lag by simply taking an earlier flight, thus arriving fully refreshed and on time.

 

[surrey jim]

SAVE money on expensive personalised car number plates by simply changing your name to match your existing plate – Mr KVL 741Y

 

[Simster]

Billy Bound, it's always his round:

Mate: ''Shite I've left my keys in your car, back in a sec.''
Billy: ''It's all right I'll get 'em.''
Mate: ''Cheers mate, mine's a Stella, I'm just going to get my keys.''

Mate:I'm going home to a lovely tea tonight
Billy: Oh, what you having?
Mate: I'll have a pint please Billy, cheers.

 

[Hove Seagull]

The "Shit things on tick" badge just made me spit my coffee all over my desk!

 

[Gersgull]

Drill a hole in your fridge door, to check the light goes out when you shut it.

 

[Danny-Boy]

"There's nuffin to do around here, let's go and torch the community centre". Kappa (lately Tasha, for legal reasons) Slapper.

"USS Enterprise crew members, if you have never before appeared in an episode and Captain Kirk orders you to "beam down" to an alien planet with him and the other well known cast members it is best to refuse. If you do you will be killed."

Remember that Startrek one. Will have to go digging under my bed for some back issues now.

No, not THOSE kind of back issues....

 

[JamesAndTheGiantHead]

I'd not seen this one before, had me lolling all over the place.

 

[fire&skill]

Motorists; Don't waste money on air-conditioning; just buy a car that's been involved in a fatal road traffic accident and the ghosts will keep you cool.

 

[Lord Bamber]

Fun sized mars bars make ideal normal-sized Mars bars for dwarfs

Pretend you've reached the 'Eliminator' stage on Gladiators by running the wrong way up an escalator in Marks & Spencer

Dyslexics. Try deliberately spelling words wrongly.This way at least you have a chance of spelling them correctly.

 

[Durlston]

I loved Viz. Roger Mellie (the man on the telly) and Sid the Sexist were my favourites.

Save on booze by drinking cold tea instead of whisky. The following morning you can create the effects of a hang-over by drinking a thimble full of washing up liquid and banging your head repeatedly on a wall.

Ramblers. In the country, leaving gates open will help the farmer out as he will not have to climb down from his tractor.

 

[FamilyGuy]

Fun sized mars bars make ideal normal-sized Mars bars for dwarfs

Pretend you've reached the 'Eliminator' stage on Gladiators by running the wrong way up an escalator in Marks & Spencer

Dyslexics. Try deliberately spelling words wrongly.This way at least you have a chance of spelling them correctly.

Normal sized Mars bars make great fun sized Mars Bars for Giants!!
Beer bottle tops make great lifeboats for flies!

 

[Lord Bamber]

Normal sized Mars bars make great fun sized Mars Bars for Giants!!
Beer bottle tops make great lifeboats for flies!

 

[JamesAndTheGiantHead]

Motorists; Don't waste money on air-conditioning; just buy a car that's been involved in a fatal road traffic accident and the ghosts will keep you cool.

That's brilliant!

 

[The Brighton Bear]

Use a teaspoon to press on the bridge of your nose to make it look as though you wear glasses.

 

[JamesAndTheGiantHead]

Convince your colleagues you're Andy Murray by bringing your mum and girlfriend to work with you.

 

[birthofanorange]

I sent them an idea for a new character a few years ago - 'Tourhett Butler - the swearing manservant'. They did use it for a one-off cartoon (and they even paid me) but it had loads more mileage in it, imho.

"Frankly my dear, I don't give a f****** c****** etc..etc..damn! "

 

[NUFC1892]

Sid the Sexist is ridiculously funny!

 

[JamesAndTheGiantHead]

I sent them an idea for a new character a few years ago - 'Tourhett Butler - the swearing manservant'. They did use it for a one-off cartoon (and they even paid me) but it had loads more mileage in it, imho.

"Frankly my dear, I don't give a f****** c****** etc..etc..damn! "

That's quite the claim, of which I'm jealous. WE WANT PROOF!