Fred the brickie at work went mad at his missus once when she refused to perform fellatio on him. He gave her a right volley of abuse. To be fair to her she took it on the chin.
Got something to say or just want fewer pesky ads? Join us... 😊
Islamic preacher issues warning
- Thread starter carlzeiss
- Start date
Fred the brickie at work went mad at his missus once when she refused to perform fellatio on him. He gave her a right volley of abuse. To be fair to her she took it on the chin.
Bonfires were originally known as bonefires where they disposed of bones from the dead. A handful of seared jizz will be fine in the afterlife so don't worry unduly Nibble.
Nibble
New member
- Jan 3, 2007
- 19,238
Thanks. It was a billion souls screamed out in pain. And then were suddenly silenced.
'Places you have been wanked off'..............I think it needs its own thread really. A bonfire will take some beating mind you. I doubt I'll ever be able to watch a Roman candle shoot it's hot flame into the air at a bonfire night display without regaling some stranger that story of yours. Should guarantee my place nearest the fire I expect.
Think it must be an affront to our human rights!
sydney
tinky ****in winky
ha ha ha ha ha hahaaahaaahaaahhaaaahhha...ffs .......am i wrong or is it 2015 ......what a clown , hands, pregnant.....hands cant get pregnant,
but i'm pretty sure goats can............why do the imbeciles continue to get air time...??
but i'm pretty sure goats can............why do the imbeciles continue to get air time...??
Uncle Spielberg
Well-known member
Also, Earth is 5000 years old and is Flat, like a Disc. This is a FACT
sydney
tinky ****in winky
glasfryn
cleaning up cat sick
this is undoubtedly the funniest and yet tragic thread I have read on here
hands pregnant ...............the man's an imbecile the tragic thing is these idiots will take over the world if they could
oh dear I'v just made my screen pregnant
hands pregnant ...............the man's an imbecile the tragic thing is these idiots will take over the world if they could
oh dear I'v just made my screen pregnant
Pretty pink fairy
Banned
- Jan 30, 2008
- 31,981
pastafarian
Well-known member
Nibble "no seriously luv,we are out of options......this is the only way left to put out this fire"
Depends if they let you finish first, I guess ...........
- Thread starter
- #33
further advise on the matter from the Islamic academy
http://www.islamicacademy.org/html/Articles/English/Masterbation_and_Islam.htm
************ in Islam
Allah (Exalted is He) says: “And those who guard their private parts from their wives and those (slave-girls) which their right-hands own - so there is no blame upon them. Then whoever seeks beyond that (which is lawful), they are the transgressors”.
************ is also considered as “seeking beyond” with reference to the Quranic verse above.
Suhail son of Sai’d (may Allah be pleased with them) narrates that the Holy Prophet (Allah’s’ Grace & Peace be upon him) said: Whoever gives me the assurance (not to unlawfully use) what is between their jaws and their legs (i.e. the tongue and the private parts), I give them the assurance of the Heaven. (Bukhari)
Abu Hurrairah (may Allah be pleased with him) narrates that the Prophet of Allah (Allah’s Grace & Peace be upon him) said: Whoever Allah protects, from the evil (sh’r) of what is between their jaws and between their legs, will enter Paradise. [Tirimzi]
Imam Shamsuddin Zahabbi (may Allah be pleased with him) narrates a Prophetic narration that, “Seven people are such that Allah has cursed them and He will not even cast a look of mercy upon them on the Day of Judgment. Allah will tell them to enter Hell with the people who are going to Hell, except those who repent.
1. One who performs the act of sodomy.
2. One upon whom the act of sodomy is performed.
3. One who does bad deeds with animals.
4. One who marries his mother or sister.
5. One who **********s.” (The words of the hadith says these seven people but lists five - Kitab-ul-Kaba’ir p.48)
Allama Mahmood Alussi (may Allah be pleased with him) narrates in Ruh-ul-Ma’ni: “Atta (may Allah be pleased with him) says that I have heard that on the Day of Judgment one group will be brought in such a way that their hands will be pregnant. I think they are the masturbators.” Allama Alussi further says: Saéed bin Jubayr (may Allah be pleased with him) narrates that the Prophet (Allah’s Grace & Peace be upon him) said: “Allah Exalted will inflict punishment on a group of people because they misused their private parts.” (Ruh-ul-Ma'ni p. 291)
Anas (may Allah be pleased with him) narrates that the Prophet of Allah (may Allah be pleased with him) said: “The person who performs marriage [nikah] with his hands (i.e. **********s) is cursed.” (Fatawa Razaviyya, Vol. 10, p.80)
Abdullah bin Masood (may Allah be pleased with him) reports that the Holy Prophet (Allah’s Grace & Peace be upon him) said: “O group of youth! Whoever from among you can marry should do so because it keeps the gaze low and it protects the private parts. And he who cannot marry should fast because fasting breaks lust.” (Muslim – Book of Marriage)
Mufti Waqar-ud-din Al-Qadri (Hanfi) writes in “Waqar-ul-Fatawa” (Vol. 1, P. 269): “If a person is overpowered by sexual desire such that there is fear of him becoming involved in adultery or he is not capable of marrying or his wife is so far that he can't go there. Then it is hoped there is no punishment for the one doing this [************]. It is written in “Durr-e-Mukhtar” (Vol. 2, Pp 109) (by Sheikh Alla’ud Din Muhammed son of Ali Haskiffi, died 1088H): ‘If there is fear of committing adultery then it is hoped that there is no punishment on the one doing this (************)’. Allama (Syed Mohammed Amin Ash-Shaheerba Bin Abideen) Shammi, (may Allah’s mercy be upon him, died 1253H) has also argued on this quite a lot and decided that if he does this with the intention of saving himself from committing sin it will not be a sin and if he does it with the intention of enjoyment he will be a sinner.”
The Holy Prophet (Allah’s Grace & Peace be upon him) said, "No doubt the virtues wipe away the sins". Therefore a masturbator must repent sincerely with an intention that he will never commit it again and do good deeds. According to a Prophetic narration, "The one who repents is like the who does not have any sin."
http://www.islamicacademy.org/html/Articles/English/Masterbation_and_Islam.htm
************ in Islam
Allah (Exalted is He) says: “And those who guard their private parts from their wives and those (slave-girls) which their right-hands own - so there is no blame upon them. Then whoever seeks beyond that (which is lawful), they are the transgressors”.
************ is also considered as “seeking beyond” with reference to the Quranic verse above.
Suhail son of Sai’d (may Allah be pleased with them) narrates that the Holy Prophet (Allah’s’ Grace & Peace be upon him) said: Whoever gives me the assurance (not to unlawfully use) what is between their jaws and their legs (i.e. the tongue and the private parts), I give them the assurance of the Heaven. (Bukhari)
Abu Hurrairah (may Allah be pleased with him) narrates that the Prophet of Allah (Allah’s Grace & Peace be upon him) said: Whoever Allah protects, from the evil (sh’r) of what is between their jaws and between their legs, will enter Paradise. [Tirimzi]
Imam Shamsuddin Zahabbi (may Allah be pleased with him) narrates a Prophetic narration that, “Seven people are such that Allah has cursed them and He will not even cast a look of mercy upon them on the Day of Judgment. Allah will tell them to enter Hell with the people who are going to Hell, except those who repent.
1. One who performs the act of sodomy.
2. One upon whom the act of sodomy is performed.
3. One who does bad deeds with animals.
4. One who marries his mother or sister.
5. One who **********s.” (The words of the hadith says these seven people but lists five - Kitab-ul-Kaba’ir p.48)
Allama Mahmood Alussi (may Allah be pleased with him) narrates in Ruh-ul-Ma’ni: “Atta (may Allah be pleased with him) says that I have heard that on the Day of Judgment one group will be brought in such a way that their hands will be pregnant. I think they are the masturbators.” Allama Alussi further says: Saéed bin Jubayr (may Allah be pleased with him) narrates that the Prophet (Allah’s Grace & Peace be upon him) said: “Allah Exalted will inflict punishment on a group of people because they misused their private parts.” (Ruh-ul-Ma'ni p. 291)
Anas (may Allah be pleased with him) narrates that the Prophet of Allah (may Allah be pleased with him) said: “The person who performs marriage [nikah] with his hands (i.e. **********s) is cursed.” (Fatawa Razaviyya, Vol. 10, p.80)
Abdullah bin Masood (may Allah be pleased with him) reports that the Holy Prophet (Allah’s Grace & Peace be upon him) said: “O group of youth! Whoever from among you can marry should do so because it keeps the gaze low and it protects the private parts. And he who cannot marry should fast because fasting breaks lust.” (Muslim – Book of Marriage)
Mufti Waqar-ud-din Al-Qadri (Hanfi) writes in “Waqar-ul-Fatawa” (Vol. 1, P. 269): “If a person is overpowered by sexual desire such that there is fear of him becoming involved in adultery or he is not capable of marrying or his wife is so far that he can't go there. Then it is hoped there is no punishment for the one doing this [************]. It is written in “Durr-e-Mukhtar” (Vol. 2, Pp 109) (by Sheikh Alla’ud Din Muhammed son of Ali Haskiffi, died 1088H): ‘If there is fear of committing adultery then it is hoped that there is no punishment on the one doing this (************)’. Allama (Syed Mohammed Amin Ash-Shaheerba Bin Abideen) Shammi, (may Allah’s mercy be upon him, died 1253H) has also argued on this quite a lot and decided that if he does this with the intention of saving himself from committing sin it will not be a sin and if he does it with the intention of enjoyment he will be a sinner.”
The Holy Prophet (Allah’s Grace & Peace be upon him) said, "No doubt the virtues wipe away the sins". Therefore a masturbator must repent sincerely with an intention that he will never commit it again and do good deeds. According to a Prophetic narration, "The one who repents is like the who does not have any sin."
StonehamPark
#Brighton-Nil
What a load of Shi'ite.
Uncle Spielberg
Well-known member
By a quick calculation I think the average NSC user by age 52 will have got their hands pregnant 7696 times
I'm waiting......
The Spanish
Well-known member
silly americans. probably fat too.
symyjym
Banned
Did Bin Laden know about this?
Saladpack Seagull
Just Shut Up and Paddle
Twins!