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[Help] Is the personal pronoun for a trans non-binary person singular or plural?







NooBHA

Well-known member
Jan 13, 2015
8,591
Someone came out to me a few days ago as "transgender, non-binary". After a bit of exploration by myself around what that actually meant, I was told that I needed to use "they" as a personal pronoun for them in future.

Aside from the fact that I'm really going to struggle to remember to do this - because I've known the individual as a man for nigh on a decade, so am likely to forget - there is a more pressing concern: should I be declining the reference in the singular or plural?

Is it "They is coming for a beer"? or "They are coming for a beer"?

Use their ''preferred name'' - That should maybe do the trick. I had to look up the ''terminology'' to come to this answer, never mind what ''pronoun'' I needed to use
 




Herr Tubthumper

Well-known member
NSC Patron
Jul 11, 2003
62,706
The Fatherland
Bear in mind too, if they is single, then they may also object to this label and instead ask to be referred to as being "self-partnering".

I enjoy a bit of self-partnering, if for example I’m on my own in a hotel or if the wife is away. I’m not sure I’d like some calling me one though.
 


Eeyore

Colonel Hee-Haw of Queen's Park
NSC Patron
Apr 5, 2014
25,927
He said= They said
He doesn't= They don't
They are coming for a beer= *Name* is coming for a beer.

I think folk can easily forget that a person who is non-binary still has a name.

Additionally, as in one case of a long term friend who is transgender, you'll generally find that they are tolerant of errors.

Language changes over time. A person born into such gender redundancy would find it second nature.
 






Lower West Stander

Well-known member
Mar 25, 2012
4,753
Back in Sussex
He said= They said
He doesn't= They don't
They are coming for a beer= *Name* is coming for a beer.

I think folk can easily forget that a person who is non-binary still has a name.

Additionally, as in one case of a long term friend who is transgender, you'll generally find that they are tolerant of errors.

Language changes over time. A person born into such gender redundancy would find it second nature.

Very good to know that if I get it wrong "they" will understand.....
 


Triggaaar

Well-known member
Oct 24, 2005
53,173
Goldstone
Is it "They is coming for a beer"? or "They are coming for a beer"?
Seriously?

Imagine a friend said 'My mate's joining us for a beer later' and you wanted to ask what time they'd be coming - but oh no, you don't know if their friend is male or female. Gosh, what to do? Could you say 'What time is they coming?' or would you need to say 'What time are they coming?'

Come on Goldstone, this is not beyond you.
 




Goldstone1976

We Got Calde in!!
Helpful Moderator
NSC Patron
Apr 30, 2013
14,124
Herts
Seriously?

Imagine a friend said 'My mate's joining us for a beer later' and you wanted to ask what time they'd be coming - but oh no, you don't know if their friend is male or female. Gosh, what to do? Could you say 'What time is they coming?' or would you need to say 'What time are they coming?'

Come on Goldstone, this is not beyond you.

"Is Steve coming?"
"Yes, he is coming"
"Chris?"
"Yep, Chris is coming too"
"How about PPF?"
"Yes, they is coming too" OR "Yes, they are coming too" ?

Yes, I know I could definitely say "they are coming", but in the context of the conversation outlined above, where I have used the present tense singular for the other two mates, it would be usual to continue with present tense singular for PPF too. Unless... I should always decline "they" with the plural irrespective of context...
 


Triggaaar

Well-known member
Oct 24, 2005
53,173
Goldstone
"Is Steve coming?"
"Yes, he is coming"
"Chris?"
"Yep, Chris is coming too"
"How about PPF?"
"Yes, they is coming too" OR "Yes, they are coming too" ?

Yes, I know I could definitely say "they are coming", but in the context of the conversation outlined above, where I have used the present tense singular for the other two mates, it would be usual to continue with present tense singular for PPF too.
That just sounds completely weird. You'd normally either say 'Yes, PPF is coming too', or 'Yes, he/she is coming too' (given that you probably know whether PPF is a he or she). But if it was Chris's friend - eg, 'How about Chris's friend?', then you should reply 'Yes, they are coming too'. Never 'they is'. It just sounds wrong, regardless of the fact it follows two lines where you say 'is'.

Unless... I should always decline "they" with the plural irrespective of context...
Yep.
 


Goldstone1976

We Got Calde in!!
Helpful Moderator
NSC Patron
Apr 30, 2013
14,124
Herts
That just sounds completely weird. You'd normally either say 'Yes, PPF is coming too', or 'Yes, he/she is coming too' (given that you probably know whether PPF is a he or she). But if it was Chris's friend - eg, 'How about Chris's friend?', then you should reply 'Yes, they are coming too'. Never 'they is'. It just sounds wrong, regardless of the fact it follows two lines where you say 'is'.

Yep.

...
 
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GT49er

Well-known member
NSC Patron
Feb 1, 2009
49,186
Gloucester
How about, "They is coming for a beer....................................








..............but I'll just get them a Babycham"?
 


monty uk

Well-known member
Sep 25, 2018
641
And if you buy a Babycham and pass it to someone first because he's nearer PPF, do you then say "could you please pass this Babycham to them"?
 


beorhthelm

A. Virgo, Football Genius
Jul 21, 2003
36,019














Napper

Well-known member
Jul 9, 2003
24,452
Sussex
leave The pub with them out until they’ve given their head a large wobble .

Could put this in the bell cheese thread
 


Rowdey

Well-known member
NSC Patron
Jul 7, 2003
2,588
Herne Hill
Thing, or IT?

Maybe we should just all refer to anyone a bit special as Dave, it'll be in the dictionary next year.

Err, no..please, i've had quite enough of 'Dave' being the butt of a fair proportion of TV ads as it is.. I don't even eat pot noodles.. :rant:
 


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