[Football] Ideas to further improve the ‘modern’ game

[portlock seagull]

1. Players arms to be strapped to their bodies to put an end to controversy about whether it’s a handball or not. Of course, could get rid of VAR but that’s crazy talk even if they mess up every week.

2. Helmets, to protect players when they fall over because arms strapped to bodies (see above) with added bonus that heading can still continue as part of the sport as every player who survives into old age will otherwise die of dementia. As they all have done so far to date.

3. More money for the big clubs and shorter the season to enable “Christmas Champions”, an exciting new development for the game that makes it possible for the league to be wrapped up by 25th Dec each season, thereby negating the need for further domestic games of no merit and freeing up big clubs to play more lucrative friendly matches overseas and make more money.

4. Twinning - PL clubs should be twinned with ones in other countries to enable these to send their best players to PL academies and create exciting new marketing opportunities for the ‘mother’ PL club in return for letting the twin (lesser) club keep 1% of any revenue.

5. Var24 - perhaps controversial but to ensure ‘fairness’ and remove ‘all doubt’, why not analyse the entire game, every decision throughout, including data-driven forecasts re: possible outcomes for tackles and decisions that weren’t made but on another day...? etc etc. And then publish, (here’s the gold marketing opportunity) the definitive CORRECT and FAIR result 24hrs later having forensically analysed. Providing, obviously, Liverpool, City etc still won. But imagine the excitement of losing a game on the day but still waiting for a potential get out of jail card 24hrs later. Again, lucrative money making opportunities (e.g. first releasing to fans belonging to a prestigious subscription) could be exploited to top up players, agents and shareholders earnings ensuring they receive true market values.

6. Fans cgi-ed into matches. Again, another unexploited revenue stream waiting to be realised, fans could pay to have their faces seen at corners, throw ins, goal celebrations etc on TV by placing theirs on the body of a fan who was in actual attendance but (and here’s the clever bit) who only paid for the ticket to enter the stadium - and has NOT necessarily paid to be seen around the globe. Instead this would enable loyal supporters from Korea, Malaysia and China to be part of the match without the hassle of actually ever going. Moreover, armchair fans could be released from their brand (club) contract if their club were to e.g. fall outside of the top 6, so they can support another team.The whole thing could work using t&cs similarly to other customer service plan agreements such as owning a mobile phone or a current stadia season ticket.

There must be others?

 

[Swansman]

On a more serious note I think that AI doing the refereeing is very likely at some point in the not too distant future.

 

[RossyG]

The new improved 2018 Selhurst could be CGI’d around what’s actually there.

Zaha sponsored by Weebles so he doesn’t fall down.

Every seat comes with a hosepipe connect to a sewer that you can wee down if taken short but not miss a moment of the game. Funnels for the ladies, of course.

Only fit birds allowed to play women’s football and the sprinklers to be left on during the game. The crowds would double or even treble overnight to about 450.

I was also going to say more carriages on trains running on the south coast or to and from Falmer on match days, but that’s just crazy talk.

 

[Foul Play Rocks]

The new improved 2018 Selhurst could be CGI’d around what’s actually there.

Zaha sponsored by Weebles so he doesn’t fall down.

Every seat comes with a hosepipe connect to a sewer that you can wee down if taken short but not miss a moment of the game. Funnels for the ladies, of course.

Only fit birds allowed to play women’s football and the sprinklers to be left on during the game. The crowds would double or even treble overnight to about 450.

I was also going to say more carriages on trains running on the south coast or to and from Falmer on match days, but that’s just crazy talk.

At last. Some sensible suggestions. It’s a yes from me.

 

[Mr Bridger]

scrap it, and return to:

Muddy pitches with the fog slowly coming down at half time.
The smell of piss in the urinals, which you slipped on on the way in.
Tripping up the little concert step walking up the terrace.
Proper metal floodlight pylons.
That bloke with long hair who used to be always at the front hurling dogs abuse at anyone.
Some old bloke with a rattle.
Shenanigans to and from the Station.

 

[Brok]

scrap it, and return to:

Muddy pitches with the fog slowly coming down at half time.
The smell of piss in the urinals, which you slipped on on the way in.
Tripping up the little concert step walking up the terrace.
Proper metal floodlight pylons.
That bloke with long hair who used to be always at the front hurling dogs abuse at anyone.
Some old bloke with a rattle.
Shenanigans to and from the Station.

Is that what they were called, before Wetherspoons took them over?

 

[LowKarate]

Each team should have their own ball.

End of.

 

[Nobby]

1. Players arms to be strapped to their bodies to put an end to controversy about whether it’s a handball or not. Of course, could get rid of VAR but that’s crazy talk even if they mess up every week.

2. Helmets, to protect players when they fall over because arms strapped to bodies (see above) with added bonus that heading can still continue as part of the sport as every player who survives into old age will otherwise die of dementia. As they all have done so far to date.

3. More money for the big clubs and shorter the season to enable “Christmas Champions”, an exciting new development for the game that makes it possible for the league to be wrapped up by 25th Dec each season, thereby negating the need for further domestic games of no merit and freeing up big clubs to play more lucrative friendly matches overseas and make more money.

4. Twinning - PL clubs should be twinned with ones in other countries to enable these to send their best players to PL academies and create exciting new marketing opportunities for the ‘mother’ PL club in return for letting the twin (lesser) club keep 1% of any revenue.

5. Var24 - perhaps controversial but to ensure ‘fairness’ and remove ‘all doubt’, why not analyse the entire game, every decision throughout, including data-driven forecasts re: possible outcomes for tackles and decisions that weren’t made but on another day...? etc etc. And then publish, (here’s the gold marketing opportunity) the definitive CORRECT and FAIR result 24hrs later having forensically analysed. Providing, obviously, Liverpool, City etc still won. But imagine the excitement of losing a game on the day but still waiting for a potential get out of jail card 24hrs later. Again, lucrative money making opportunities (e.g. first releasing to fans belonging to a prestigious subscription) could be exploited to top up players, agents and shareholders earnings ensuring they receive true market values.

6. Fans cgi-ed into matches. Again, another unexploited revenue stream waiting to be realised, fans could pay to have their faces seen at corners, throw ins, goal celebrations etc on TV by placing theirs on the body of a fan who was in actual attendance but (and here’s the clever bit) who only paid for the ticket to enter the stadium - and has NOT necessarily paid to be seen around the globe. Instead this would enable loyal supporters from Korea, Malaysia and China to be part of the match without the hassle of actually ever going. Moreover, armchair fans could be released from their brand (club) contract if their club were to e.g. fall outside of the top 6, so they can support another team.The whole thing could work using t&cs similarly to other customer service plan agreements such as owning a mobile phone or a current stadia season ticket.

There must be others?

Paul Barber is taking notes - some of these may well now be discussed at the next Premier League meeting.....

 

[RossyG]

The smell of piss in the urinals, which you slipped on on the way in.
Some old bloke with a rattle.

We still have these in the North Stand.

 

[Weststander]

Strict 10 seconds from ball going dead to take throw ins, or forfeited to the other team.

Strict 10 seconds from ball in goalie’s possession, to take goal kicks or a booking.

VAR officials under instructions to apply the laws of the game, not the clear and obvious cop out to protect their colleague.

Mandatory yellow card for hauling someone down in an attacking move.

Retrospective red card ban, even if seen by the officials on match day, yellow awarded or not, for serious foul play or violent conduct. Double jeopardy, who cares?

 

[BensGrandad]

Adjust the offside rule so that a player cannot be offside from a set piece free kick and also there must be daylight between defender and attacker for it to be considered whether offside or not. Yellow card is automatic 5 min sin bin for the first and red as now for 2nd.

 

[amexer]

Handball below elbow only
Handball and fouls in area to be given by ref only no var.
As in other sports whole foot has to be over line for offside

 

[Tom Hark Preston Park]

Impose hefty fines on players who cup their ear or point to their head when they score. Ditto those who offer up thanks to the god of their choice. It's just total CRINGE for everybody other than the player concerned

 

[lawros left foot]

Play all games in empty stadiums, all shown on telly with cgi crowds. No need for expensive stewarding, no swearing heard from the crowd, or homophobia or racism at Chelsea.
Southern rail can continue to run trains for their own benefit, not the customers.
Games can be played at times most beneficial to the tv companies, with no thought for away supporters.

No Palace Ultras to embarrass the good name of their clubs great heritage.

 

[portslade seagull]

Make it compulsory for the Ref to check the pitchside monitor for controversial decisions

 

[happypig]

Get rid of the offside rule altogether.
If the ball goes behind and has been "shepherded out" by a defender, it's a corner.

Install sprinklers above the away end and turn them on when we play palace.

 

[Algernon]

VAR decisions to be decided by a customer vote (press button a,b or c on your handset) and a 3 man independent panel in the stadium after big screen review.
Those customers who voted against the VAR panel's decision will be given a small ish electric shock through their seat to keep them straight for future decisions.

Teams in the bottom half of the table at Christmas can nominate 3 remaining fixtures (2x losses, 1x draw) they don't actually have to play. This will help with injuries, recovery time, goal difference etc.

No opera singers singing National Anthems at International games.

 

[GREASED WEASEL]

Copy Rugby and let trainers on the pitch for injuries, without stopping the game,use temporary sub if needed.

 

[lawros left foot]

Seriously, an independent timekeeper.

Now with VAR, how many times do you actually get the correct amount of time added on. A timekeeper that can add time on for free-kick taking over a certain amount of time (30 seconds?) Goalies taking over the allotted 6 seconds to release the ball, throw ins, where one player picks the ball up, then changed his mind and throws it to his mate, who then steals 5 yards, and is sent back to the original place the ball went out of play, goalies that take so long to take goalkicks, that kids in the East stand reach the age of majority before the ball is back in play.

We pay a lot of money to watch a game of football that should last 90 minutes, we are probably lucky now to see 75minutes.

Rant over.

 

[Bob!]

Laser measurement for 10 yard distance for free kicks