grummitts gloves
New member
Falkor, I don't know you personally, but just wanted to wish you all the best. Keep your chin up mate.
I feel I gone from letting people walk all over me in the past i used to buy people friendship, drink in pubs and food, gifts. I noticed when my breakdown started all these friends vanished and now I'm very angry and bitter probs why I can't hold a relationship.
I am not sure how to handle the anger but il try, I am no violent but I don't think I just say what's in my head.
Thanks for your PM and messages not been asleep due to Police and Dr visits, trying to build my relationship back with Lindsey and Mum, but i told my mum il never forgive my sister again.
I have felt depressed in the past but this is something else, i never felt so dejected in my life
I don't think my family understand how much my sister means to me she is my last connection to my birth family, and what she has done and doing. I can't understand and it's destroyed me.
I went nuts at Lindsey I'm away and accused her of cheating I just saw red and have hurt my family.
I love Lindsey more than life it's self she saved my life when we meet.
I'm now sat on a train going to meet her and dreading it.
That ellie song sums up how I feel, these demons from my past are eating me slowly. I get ontop but then they come back and it's a never ending cycle I'm scared to talk about my past as I'm worried about my health, but this can't go on. As one day the suicide thoughts will win.
Dear Falkor Im not really sure where to start or where to end so if I ramble a touch please forgive me. A while ago I started having panic attacks not little ones but massive heart thundering mind blanking come to on the floor with a crowd of people thinking your having a fit type panic attacks. I dont say this in a effort to hijack the thread or garner sympathy but to let you know where Im comming from and where I have been.
It takes nuts the size of footballs to admit to depression more so on a football forum and the fact that you have done so is a good step in the right direction. You have an illness a horrible infliction that is invisable and silent and soul crushing trust me I know how dark it gets. You can do nothing about your sisters behaviour or the way the outside world treats mental illness. But what you can do is seek the help that is out there you mentioned that you have a CPN talk to her talk to your Doctor and get in touch with MIND I cannot praise them highly enough for the help they gave me when I was really bad.
I understand the anger frustration and self loathing the feelings of worthlessnes and would say to you that that is the illness talking and not you.
Keep fighting it and know by asking for help they wont block access to your kids.
Peace out mate and feel free to pm Im almost always online
Ive done some daft things in my life and wandering around the pubs of newhaven at 11pm with the lurg on a saturday night looking for a bloke i did'nt have a clue what they looked like and who happend to be in a different county just randomly shouting out the name falkor at people could of been mis heard and got me a black eye
Not a clue what people who suffer from this type of thing must go through but it seems you are not alone judging by the comments on here there will always be somebody around to talk to .
LOLOLOL I managed to get a message eventually to your Mrs? I think to tell you that he was in Deal xxx
Thanks for trying though xxx your a star - any excuse to go to the pub eh? xxx
Well its the last time ile be allowed in the ship without adult supervision