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I am EXTREMELY hacked off...
- Thread starter murraymints4brighton
- Start date
Very true.
The QPR fan rant from a few weeks ago was the best I've ever heard. That is what needs emulating.
SeagullRic
New member
Sorry that I have to clog up the board with this rant, but no other message board could take it apart from this ONE.
I will begin with a list of things that have seriously fecked me off and I hope NSC can give me advice on how to fix my problems.
1. My computer. It has completely discombobulated in front of my very eyes. Every time it offers me the enthralling task of Disk checking every f***ing program and so I thought "yeah go on then, you are supposedly cleverer than me so disk check away..." The disk check took 2 f***ing DAYS meaning I have been cut off from cyberspace for way too long. I then find EVERYTHING I have ever done, saved, made, created, logged into, downloaded,stored, put in the recycle bin, history, paid for, typed in, filmed, stored photos on, written, recorded, emailed, signed up for... HAS ALL f***ing GONE!!! That shithouse bastard disk checking son of a bitch had deleted everything across the entirety of my expensive computer. Bill Gates you ****, give me every wasted pound I have ever even sent within a mile of you so I can personally use it to buy the program Trident and send every flippin nuclear weapon right into your lovely, gleaming gold platted mansion. My whole Itunes has goneNo more listening to the delights of Thomas Dolby, "She blinded me with science" and Alexi Sayle's "allo john, gotta new motor?". I am literally at the point of suicide here, even my facebook and twitter have bleeding gone. The only thing that works, of all things, is my NSC account
2. Flies from the recycling bin. Yeah they can do one as well. Every day I go to open the kitchen door and a hoard of angry flies burst in and begin to land on food and shit over everything. Why must the do it? The bin placed outside the house is no longer good enough for them so they must seek refuge in a lovely, warm central heated, middle class house with no f***ing computer
3.The cat. Why wont it just f*** off. So what you haven't got any food? go and kill a mouse and eat it. What you've got no water? didn't know I was the barman round here. It really is annoying me. Not only has it become nocturnal which is a pain in the ass considering it is too fat too fit through a cat flap so we have to open and close doors for oh great one thus letting flies seep in through the void where food is prepared, it has also started up it's very own choir with next doors tabby and two foxes and my the noise they make is simply music to me ear's at 4 a.m. as you can imagine
4. The dictionary. I am looking at this monumental book of intelligence with envy. It is laughing at me with all it's words and phrases such as pleb and binfest. It has hundreds of words that could mock and shame me for clicking yes to that f***ing nicely nicely how's your monkey? disk check
I wish it would f*** off. So what you can give me a definition for cornucopia and onomatopoeia? I can give you a definition for "go f*** yourself" it is actually on par in terms of hatred with the Da Vinci Code. Come on, what a load of old cobblers that is, give me "Where's Wolly?" any day.
5. Preston Park. Must everyone as soon as the weather hit's 12 degrees go over there and have a f***ing pick nic? It seems to be the meeting point of the brighton middle class mafia. Everyone congregates there to be so radical and hip and throw Frisbee's and various annoying breakable and pain causing things around while reading some pointless read like the stupid magazine for the 5 ways area. Why should those nobs up there have there own fricking mini magazine made to report on news with a radius of the co-op and Raven's bakery? I could give you a more interesting article each week about my SHIT than that.
6. The green party. Please can we stop voting for them in this area just to make Brighton seem this really zany and individual place? Brighton is a good enough place to eat, sleep and drink without those twats here. HBB made a good point about one of there policies before, not that they will EVER in a million years get a majority vote yet it shows you what a jumped up load of hippy toss pot's they really are.
A few brief mentions:
. Michael Buble. What a load of drivel his soppy music really is. If he is on any sort of mediocre chat show again I am going to ram all those countless cover versions he has made down his throat so he can never utter another note.
. Avocado's. Are they actually ever ripe? Answer: NO. They are a complete waste of money and we should stop importing them immediately.
. Politician's. Just run the country via an internet message board and use smiles to depict what you think of policies.
. Coconuts. you have to physically RAPE them to get them open and when you do you are met with a liquid that tastes like cat piss and some horribly hard, white chalky thing to eat. Again, stop importing them.
George Michael, Ox-bow lakes, Heston blumenthal, Pencil's, Paper, robotic dogs, poems, Papa Bouba Diop, the number 9, Hitler, Siamese twins, doctor do little, Papa New guinea, carling, Shopping trolley's, Andy Gray, mantle pieces, Doors, Ikea, Allo, Allo, Dad's army, KFC, Pork, Ian rankin, Sheffield Wednesday, ply wood, Aliens, Washington, alabama, John Travolta, Jennifer Lopez, Tuna, When Harry met Sally, Paul Merson, frasier, Loose Women, Broad Beans, Luton Town, Guilford, Glastonbury, Aldi, Bananas, pine tree's, Candles, pin cushions, Lorries, Road works, The game of life, remote control boats, Andy Warhol, Joana lumely on the nile...
YOU CAN ALL DO ONE AS WELL!!!
Apologies, UP THE ALBION, UP THE GUS BUS, THE CHAMPIONSHIP HERE WE COME!!!!! (OPINION APPRECIATED)
Top work One Strap
sorry murraymints4brighton but point 1 - if this had been at work, you would be blaming the shit IT dept. Guess what the only person who is suffering here is you, so guess who is responsible for backing up your data.
a stoopid IT
b Bill Gates
c you
and please lay off the broad beans, the fresh ones have to be in the top three veg ever.
Here's one for free for next time Dropbox - Home - Online backup, file sync and sharing made easy. simple backup for those important files (2Gb free)
For everything else about 40 quid will buy you a decent USB drive for backups.
a stoopid IT
b Bill Gates
c you
and please lay off the broad beans, the fresh ones have to be in the top three veg ever.
Here's one for free for next time Dropbox - Home - Online backup, file sync and sharing made easy. simple backup for those important files (2Gb free)
For everything else about 40 quid will buy you a decent USB drive for backups.
Lord Bamber
Legendary Chairman
carling - Julia, Will or Lager?
Guilford - has your d button stopped working on the f***ed computer?
Joana lumely - is she the same girl as Joanna Lumley?
This ranting is screwing you up more than you think?
First thing I thought as well.Bluejuice
Lazy as a rug on Valium
I thought it was quite funny.
Some of you people need to lighten up.
With regard to the fly problem, how often do you empty your recycle bin and do you not have some outside area to store it in?
Some of you people need to lighten up.
With regard to the fly problem, how often do you empty your recycle bin and do you not have some outside area to store it in?
surrey jim
Not in Surrey
spot on
Lewes' best seagull
New member
- Jan 31, 2008
- 1,145
This is a very good rant, and everybody needs a rant occasionally, so everybody else, lighten up and rant.
Durlston
"You plonker, Rodney!"
Why don't you keep your cat in at night then? About 80% of felines go missing when its dark or get squashed by cars. I've had more pussies than Russell Brand.
Great rant btw!
Great rant btw!
Horsham Gull
H Block Offender
Yes,Yes,yes, maybe
murraymints4brighton
Well-known member
- Thread starter
- #33
Grimsby fan? There are enough look at me threads on here to last a life time so let me have this one. Whoever I am supposedly impersonating could you please enlighten me as I will look to follow in the footsteps of this marvelous, complete, intelligent GRIMSBY FAN. Show me who he is and I will personally like his balls until they shrivel up into acorns.
¤DãŃn¥ §êãGüLL¤
Banned
A lot of people like my balls, but they're still huge
murraymints4brighton
Well-known member
- Thread starter
- #36
Do you want to go on the list? Do you really think that I am bothered by the fact I missed the D out of Surrey's shitest town Guildford? Fair enough they have one massive ice rink there and an alright festival but apart from that?
the wanderbus
Well-known member
Why have you listed Tuna immediately after Jennifer Lopez, do you know something we don't?
murraymints4brighton
Well-known member
- Thread starter
- #38
¤DãŃn¥ §êãGüLL¤;3482865 said:
Sorry there, I was dancing on your patch of NSC's most crude poster.
murraymints4brighton
Well-known member
- Thread starter
- #39
Just thought I would update you with my latest computer problems. I feel a bit like that guy with half a f***ed up face from Bat man as half of the computer screen is now a shade of purple and is getting increasingly darker by the second.
I don't know if this is related but the keyboard, every time I press a key, is making a noise resembling Rolf Harris and his wobble board.
I don't know if this is related but the keyboard, every time I press a key, is making a noise resembling Rolf Harris and his wobble board.
