[Misc] How healthy are your stools?

[vegster]

Many many years ago I work for a fairly 'rough and ready' company.
One day a toliet became blocked.
The all-purpose handyman was tasked to clear the blockage.

When this now folklore was relayed back to me, the only way the handyman could describe what he found in the u-bend was by picking up a...







... 2 litre bottle of coke.

The fella who got the blame had an identical physique to Mr Greedy.

Years back there was a Phantom Turd Layer at my old factory, they were prodigious efforts, as thick as a mans fore-arm quite often. One wedged in the u-bend and managed to protrude 3-4 inches above the waterline and had to be " Dealt With " by the factory cleaner, who was not amused. We never identified the culprit despite a covert team being deployed to monitor.

 

[Pevenseagull]

I have to record this everyday along with referencing a colour chart.
I shit you not.

 

[Fungus]

What? No option for "pebbledash"?

 

[Aveacarlin']

How healthy are your stools? Using the self diagnostic Bristol Stool Form Scale which category do your stools generally fall in to? Type 4 and type 5 are considered normal.
The link provides a guide to interpreting the BSF scale.

https://www.gutsense.org/constipation/normal_stools.html

View attachment 95524

Just done a textbook '4'. Beautifully tapered like a Wizards hat. No post tissue issue either. Virtually zero deposits on the paper.

Sent from my SM-G900F using Tapatalk

 

[Cheshire Cat]

Type 6: Fluffy pieces with ragged edges, a mushy stool

This form is close to the margins of comfort in several respects. First, it may be difficult to control the urge, especially when you don‘t have immediate access to a bathroom. Second, it is a rather messy affair to manage with toilet paper alone, unless you have access to a flexible shower or bidet. Otherwise, I consider it borderline normal. These kind of stools may suggest a slightly hyperactive colon (fast motility), excess dietary potassium, or sudden dehydration or spike in blood pressure related to stress (both cause the rapid release of water and potassium from blood plasma into the intestinal cavity). It can also indicate a hypersensitive personality prone to stress, too many spices, drinking water with a high mineral content, or the use of osmotic (mineral salts) laxatives.

Sounds about right....

 

[RexCathedra]

 

[SIMMO SAYS]

Years back there was a Phantom Turd Layer at my old factory, they were prodigious efforts, as thick as a mans fore-arm quite often. One wedged in the u-bend and managed to protrude 3-4 inches above the waterline and had to be " Dealt With " by the factory cleaner, who was not amused. We never identified the culprit despite a covert team being deployed to monitor.

Wrong-Direction and I were called-out to a blocked loo at the old teachers training centre in Moulsescomb.
We found a massive turd in the bowl. We measured it at 21"long by an average of 3"in circumference. We didn't have mobile phones at that time.
If we had it would have gone viral

 

[Albion my Albion]

I've always heard that there was no one prouder of the shite that he produces than Mr. Kellogg. Think about that the next time you eat Kellogg cornflakes.

 

[LlcoolJ]

Fantastic advert underneath, pmsl.

A Busy Mum Tried HelloFresh: Here's What Happened!

I've got "Capture Nottingham with the GoPro Hero 6".

Nottingham is a bit of a shithole but still.....

 

[jackanada]

Having read the fuller description of the stools I am confused because mine are generally 3, but twice a day minimum, suggesting I should be on the soft blobs of 5 (which is a type of poo I generally consider to mean I've narrowly avoided t the shits)

 

[Tom Hark Preston Park]

If you ask me, OP is just going through the motions.

 

[BLOCK F]

Kitchen stools, bar stools, counter stools, camping stools?
The OP missed these out!

 

[goldstone68]

No mention of the Phantom poo, meaning you know you've been, but when you look in the pan there is nothing there, due to the velocity on its launch it makes its own way round bend without flushing