How do you cope

[symyjym]

 

[El Presidente]

What you have to do is make the best fist of things you can on a daily basis.

I find at 53 I can only make a best fist of things 3 times a week max.

 

[BigBod]

Go to France, join the French Foreign Legion....

 

[Nibble]

Volunteer to spend a day helping disabled people . Might help you put some perspective on your "plight".

 

[Danny-Boy]

Recently I just went through a traumatic experience of losing a job 3 months ago that I desperately wanted to improve at and I've done some heavy soul searching about what kind of person I have become and who I want to be. Sometimes I don't even know anymore.

I've done a lot of crazy things, many of them impulsively and now I have got to a point where I sometimes feel very alone and left out and I don't want to feel like that. People say I am a very outspoken and confident person but sometimes I feel terribly isolated and alone and I fear I am always gonna be so.

I'm 26 now and I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life. I've been living by myself in London for over a year now. I feel like at my age it is the time where you should be spending time with people you care about. I have no one. Some days I really do hate the way I feel. I just don't want to keep going on where it is just me dreaming about things that are not gonna happen. Is there anybody else out there who understands what I am going through?

Go to Australia while you are young enough to work there!

 

[crabface]

Volunteer to spend a day helping disabled people . Might help you put some perspective on your "plight".

A typical ignorant comment, regarding matters such as that of the OP's.

 

[OGH's Libido]

Is there anybody else out there who understands what I am going through?

Yes, I went through something similar.

I'm 3 years older than you, and some of what you are going through happened to me when I was 2 years younger than you are now. So 5 years ago.

I quit my job in quite messy circumstances while I was working in London. I'd made a life with a girl at that time and we broke up pretty abruptly too. My life in London had revolved around her, and suddenly I was very exposed.

What I did that was good:
1. Went home to Mum & Dad, and talked it over. Got some valuable advice and ideas, and of course didn't have to worry about rent. It wasn't a tail between the legs situation, it was about getting a breather and listening to people who knew me better than I did.
2. Talked to my friends who would listen - turned out it was refreshing having someone around who'd been at home bored all day and wanted to do something in the evenings, unlike their work friends.
3. Looked for something that I'd LOVE to do. I'd been miserable, so finding something that made me halfway happy was the key. All other considerations didn't matter. I was 24, you're only 26. I remember thinking **** it, the remainder of my 20's are for me. That became my motto. And frankly, as I near my 30s, I might extend that motto my another decade.
4. When I found my new work I threw myself into sports clubs and bars. Where I could, I went on a bit of a bender (this part might actually be terrible advice, but it worked for me). I was celebrating the decision I made and met a lot of people this way.
5. When the dust settled a bit, I began to think about my future career, and how to get there. It took about 2 years for the dust to settle because I was so happy I'd moved on, but I decided to go get more qualifications on the CV - the goal was to be better than I was when all this mess started.

From what you've said, you are the kind of person about whom people never seem to think is in trouble, even when others in the same situation would be adjudged to be in crisis - am I right? If so, It's annoying, and I know the feeling. Sometimes you feel that you don't get the support others do. But the flip side is that you can use it to your advantage. Being perceived as someone who is good in a crisis and always on an even keel will definitely come back to benefit you - and probably soon.

I'm sorry to hear that things haven't gone the way you'd like, but I think you will amaze yourself at how quickly you can turn it around.

 

[Nibble]

A typical ignorant comment, regarding matters such as that of the OP's.

That may be so to you but I've been in a very similar situation to the OP several times in my life ,the details of which I won't go into. I bet my suggestion would help more than most on here.

 

[crabface]

That may be so to you but I've been in a very similar situation to the OP several times in my life ,the details of which I won't go into. I bet my suggestion would help more than most on here.

Each to their own i guess.

 

[The Antikythera Mechanism]

A house share is a great way to meet new people. I went through a very messy relationship break up when I was 31 and moved from the house we owned to a house share in Putney. I immediately bonded with the others there, particularly with the 21 year old Welsh nymphomaniac in the room above mine, and had a brilliant social life for a few years, before getting back on the straight and narrow.

 

[Triggaaar]

A house share is a great way to meet new people. I went through a very messy relationship break up when I was 31 and moved from the house we owned to a house share in Putney. I immediately bonded with the others there, particularly with the 21 year old Welsh nymphomaniac in the room above mine

Alright, alright. This thread is about empathy, not making everyone jealous.

 

[Seagull58]

Its quite normal mate,don't be too hard on yourself,26 is a puppy tbh. Make sure you like/love yourself and things will happen for you in the future.

Good luck and take care (as others have said exercise is a boost)

This is absolutely right. I have gone through more than 1 period when I've been alone with little social life and wondered what on earth would happen. Feel confident that life will work out the way you want. Think positive but also do some thinking about your work and career and what your options are. Maybe join a sports club if you're into sports?

 

[Seagull58]

53 next month. My point is the OP at 26 is no age and he can really turn his life around, after 50 opportunities definitely diminish, career wise, health wise, romance wise, the best years are behind you. What you have to do is make the best fist of things you can on a daily basis. There is some good advice for the OP on here and I wish him well

That's a load of rubbish! I moved to South Africa aged51 having been divorced for 7 years and feeling I was stuck in a rut. I've had the best 5 years of my life and expect it to get better and better.
Don't give up on life!

 

[Danny-Boy]

True I went out to Australia and NZ for a year aged over 40. Whilst I could not legally obtain work under a travel visa, I was able to support myself.

If you are 26 I believe you can (or could) work out in Oz with a permit, I don't know about NZ though. But the age-limit barrier is close to that (or was).

 

[1066gull]

Yes, I went through something similar.

I'm 3 years older than you, and some of what you are going through happened to me when I was 2 years younger than you are now. So 5 years ago.

I quit my job in quite messy circumstances while I was working in London. I'd made a life with a girl at that time and we broke up pretty abruptly too. My life in London had revolved around her, and suddenly I was very exposed.

What I did that was good:
1. Went home to Mum & Dad, and talked it over. Got some valuable advice and ideas, and of course didn't have to worry about rent. It wasn't a tail between the legs situation, it was about getting a breather and listening to people who knew me better than I did.
2. Talked to my friends who would listen - turned out it was refreshing having someone around who'd been at home bored all day and wanted to do something in the evenings, unlike their work friends.
3. Looked for something that I'd LOVE to do. I'd been miserable, so finding something that made me halfway happy was the key. All other considerations didn't matter. I was 24, you're only 26. I remember thinking **** it, the remainder of my 20's are for me. That became my motto. And frankly, as I near my 30s, I might extend that motto my another decade.
4. When I found my new work I threw myself into sports clubs and bars. Where I could, I went on a bit of a bender (this part might actually be terrible advice, but it worked for me). I was celebrating the decision I made and met a lot of people this way.
5. When the dust settled a bit, I began to think about my future career, and how to get there. It took about 2 years for the dust to settle because I was so happy I'd moved on, but I decided to go get more qualifications on the CV - the goal was to be better than I was when all this mess started.

From what you've said, you are the kind of person about whom people never seem to think is in trouble, even when others in the same situation would be adjudged to be in crisis - am I right? If so, It's annoying, and I know the feeling. Sometimes you feel that you don't get the support others do. But the flip side is that you can use it to your advantage. Being perceived as someone who is good in a crisis and always on an even keel will definitely come back to benefit you - and probably soon.

I'm sorry to hear that things haven't gone the way you'd like, but I think you will amaze yourself at how quickly you can turn it around.

Inspiring. Thank you for taking the time in sharing this. I've only just read it.

xx

 

[1066gull]

Pack your bags & move to Brighton

You're not the first person to have told me that. So many people close to me have said that too

 

[1066gull]

Some great advice here, I'd say first and foremost you should speak to people. You'll be surprised how many people are willing to listen and how many people have gone through similar things.

I've lived on my own for the last 5 years, since I was 26 in fact, and I know exactly how you feel. I've gone through periods when I've been completely fed up and despite having friends and family nearby, felt very alone. Last year I got so fed up after failed relationships and fed up of commuting to London that I jacked it in and went to Asia for a month, it's one of the best decisions I've ever made and I had an amazing time. Since then I've done a lot more thinking and I'm about to spend 18 months studying in Canada, life feels good despite not having a special someone.

Don't be afraid to make a big change, I would highly recommend going travelling, it doesn't matter where it is, just get away for a while. Don't go straight away though, the anticipation and excitement before the trip is almost as good as the trip itself.

One of the things that gets me down is seeing other people getting married and supposedly settling down to their happy lives and being jealous that it's not me. I've learnt to understand that they probably have just as many problems to deal with as me, and it's not EVERYONE else who are happy with their lives, I'm likely to be in the majority.

I never saw it like that about being in the majority before. Also the funny thing about this thread is that not even after 24 hours after I started it when I was working long hours by myself as I decided to save a bit to do some travelling I had one of the people who I was sharing a house with break in to my room and assault me. Something that was not my fault but I he was a bully who I was forced to live with. Anyway moving on I finally escaped a month later. I didn't go to the police initially but than it happened again which is when I did. For the past 10 days I've been back at my parents but I have been going up to London every day for my job. I now have come to a dilemma in my life what I really want to do. I either continue struggling to live in London but I am around some of the people I dearly care about although I may not see them everyday and there is the chance I can meet new friends or I move to Brighton and start again in a new job. I already have some friends I speak to as regularly and if not more than my friends up in London.
There is also the remote possibility of even relocating up north but I only will do that with somebody. Right now I am not sure if anything will happen but this person has been there for me at my absolute lowest recently.

 

[Justice]

Exercise.

For me I need to get my lazy, good for nothing endorphin's pumping.

Everything feels a lot better when a little weight comes off, and I improved on a PB.

Paul Barber certainly does go beyond the call of duty at times.