You thought it could be plausible? Look at the user name for Pete's sake. How many Yanks use the word 'todger'? And from the first line it was so obviously a wind-up. Can't get the positions right but knows Torres plays for Liverpool and falls over a lot - alarm bells should have been ringing loud and clear.
And you got the wrong drug. Cocaine doesn't create alternate universes. It just heightens the one you're in. Try acid or mushrooms or ketamine for that.
I'm a tired man!
Yes, now you mention it, i've been very dumb.
Definatly try some of that shit then.