[Help] Help with possible dementia

[Worried Man Blues]

Mum hadn't a clue who I was but before we were out of the car park she was singing along to a WW2 tape. She sang words to songs I hadn't even heard before. There's still something in there! Ice cream.. do you want chocolate or chocolate..........pause chocolate. She had people over from Aus to say hello, after a couple of minutes she just wheeled herself away, the look on their faces!!!

 

[Seagull58]

Mum hadn't a clue who I was but before we were out of the car park she was singing along to a WW2 tape. She sang words to songs I hadn't even heard before. There's still something in there! Ice cream.. do you want chocolate or chocolate..........pause chocolate. She had people over from Aus to say hello, after a couple of minutes she just wheeled herself away, the look on their faces!!!

That reminds me when we took my Stepmother to the Peruvian restaurant at the Marina for lunch and she was completely incapable of picking anything from the menu so, in the end, she decided to have what I ordered and didn't like it (I don't think she had any idea what it was). She just could not concentrate on the menu long enough to pick anything. My daughter tried to get her to focus but it was impossible. Best option when in that situation is to choose for them, preferably something you think they may like!

 

[Motogull]

There may also be an element of depression

I was going to mention that. Hopefully it is just that, not a stepping stone to something irretrievable.

 

[Thunder Bolt]

I was going to mention that. Hopefully it is just that, not a stepping stone to something irretrievable.

My Mum passed earlier this year aged 92 but she spent the last 5 years in two different homes. Hairdressers and manicurists visited regularly so the residents had that sort of care.

Another thing which people may not know, is that old people frequently get water infections, and confusion is amplified by these infections. As someone posted previously, make sure they drink regularly and if a water infection is suspected get antibiotics from the GP.

 

[Cheeky Monkey]

^ also bowel blockages produce dementia like symptoms and can see someone completely ‘away with the fairies.’ Once treated full lucidity is typically restored (unless there are other issues)

 

[BrightonCottager]

I recently bought my mum a Ravenscourt calendar clock and she really likes it. You can programme regular reminders to take medication, have a drink of water etc.

 

[um bongo molongo]

I have been through this with my stepmother. At times she was fairly lucid and at other times she was off with the fairies. Dehydration is a problem so get your Dad to make sure she drinks plenty of water. Sometimes, a drink of water results in an obvious improvement in mental faculties within minutes.
Get an Enduring Power of Attorney sorted out for health and finances.
Organise care at home to take the load off your dad and prepare for the day when that is not sufficient and she needs full-time care.

There’s loads of amazing advice on here (as others have said, NSC at its best) but this I found fascinating. I’m of a generation that’s had it drummed in to us to drink loads of water. And I drink a lot. But my wife and I have both noticed that neither my mum or my dad drink any really. Just tea/coffee (and occasional booze). But it had never occurred to me (perhaps stupidly) that it could impact mental faculty.

 

[um bongo molongo]

There may also be an element of depression as well, as you say, she's had a lot of health problems and pain.

I think this is very possible / probable. Compared to many of the examples given here (and my own experience with my gran and uncle) she is really quite lucid. She’s never had any problem knowing who I am, or where she is etc. But she is not living in the moment at all. I think the thing that struck us was her best friend visiting and her talking exclusively about things that happened 50 years ago, and not mentioning her grandkids (including a new one). Her friend phoned us immediately afterwards as she thought it was so odd.

 

[Icy Gull]

I lost both my parents to dementia in 2017 and 2018, it was devastating. Two pieces of advice from bitter experience: Don't kid yourself that you can somehow pull them back to reality; there's no point correcting them when they remember things incorrectly, it'll only cause arguments and distress. And the other is that you shouldn't be afraid of professional care. My mum was always adamant that she didn't want to be in a home, so I tried to look after her myself the best I could, and she only went into care when I'd completely run out of options and was at the end of my tether. But she turned out to be much happier in that environment because they were able to meet her needs much better than I could.

Same with my Mum, she had threatened to come back and haunt me if I ever put her in a home!

Like you I tried to cope but couldn’t and eventually convinced her to go to a home on a two week trial. Tears, anger and confusion when I left her there, it felt like taking an unwilling child to a first day at school, only much worse, as I left. Within two days she had accepted it and was soon telling me that she liked the place and how kind the staff were. It was a small comfort during a horrible time and I made sure I visited her and took her out for drives regularly until she passed away.

 

[Icy Gull]

My Mum passed earlier this year aged 92 but she spent the last 5 years in two different homes. Hairdressers and manicurists visited regularly so the residents had that sort of care.

Another thing which people may not know, is that old people frequently get water infections, and confusion is amplified by these infections. As someone posted previously, make sure they drink regularly and if a water infection is suspected get antibiotics from the GP.

True, my Mum had a few UTIs in the care home and really was on a different planet until the antibiotics kicked in.

 

[Half Time Pies]

I have quite a lot of involvement with Dementia both on a professional level and within my local community, This is a such a difficult situation to go through but there is help out there.

As others have said the first Step is a GP appointment and referral to a memory assessment service.

If there are any concerns about the safety of your Mother and Father and/ or them being able to look after themselves properly, then you can contact Adult Social Care in Brighton and Hove https://www.brighton-hove.gov.uk/ad...ort-adults/who-can-get-help-adult-social-care

You may want to consider getting them some support at home from a care company, https://www.homecare.co.uk gives reviews of Home Care providers and a providers inspection results can be checked at https://www.cqc.org.uk/care-services (ideally look for providers that are good or outstanding).

There are lots of Dementia friendly services and support that your mum and dad can access within the Hove area for advice or just social interaction and connection to other people going through a similar thing: https://www.brighton-hove.gov.uk/ne...-friendly-activities-available-all-year-round

Its so important that the carers of people living with Dementia are also supported and there are a number of organisations that are set up specifically for carers: https://carershub.co.uk

I think in Brighton the Alzheimer's Society provides a lot of local services and also potentially access to a dementia support worker which is accessible through their website: https://www.alzheimers.org.uk

The feedback that we regularly get is that there is a gap in the availability of specialist medical knowledge around Dementia. Admiral Nurses help to bridge that gap and the charity Dementia UK provide a support line as well as a access to a qualified dementia specialist nurse online or over the telephone: https://www.dementiauk.org/get-support/diagnosis-and-specialist-suppport/

 

[um bongo molongo]

I have quite a lot of involvement with Dementia both on a professional level and within my local community, This is a such a difficult situation to go through but there is help out there.

As others have said the first Step is a GP appointment and referral to a memory assessment service.

If there are any concerns about the safety of your Mother and Father and/ or them being able to look after themselves properly, then you can contact Adult Social Care in Brighton and Hove https://www.brighton-hove.gov.uk/ad...ort-adults/who-can-get-help-adult-social-care

You may want to consider getting them some support at home from a care company, https://www.homecare.co.uk gives reviews of Home Care providers and a providers inspection results can be checked at https://www.cqc.org.uk/care-services (ideally look for providers that are good or outstanding).

There are lots of Dementia friendly services and support that your mum and dad can access within the Hove area for advice or just social interaction and connection to other people going through a similar thing: https://www.brighton-hove.gov.uk/ne...-friendly-activities-available-all-year-round

Its so important that the carers of people living with Dementia are also supported and there are a number of organisations that are set up specifically for carers: https://carershub.co.uk

I think in Brighton the Alzheimer's Society provides a lot of local services and also potentially access to a dementia support worker which is accessible through their website: https://www.alzheimers.org.uk

The feedback that we regularly get is that there is a gap in the availability of specialist medical knowledge around Dementia. Admiral Nurses help to bridge that gap and the charity Dementia UK provide a support line as well as a access to a qualified dementia specialist nurse online or over the telephone: https://www.dementiauk.org/get-support/diagnosis-and-specialist-suppport/

This is amazing, thanks

 

[BrightonCottager]

For anyone coping with someone with dementia this Christmas, this might help. https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/blog/how-support-dementia-christmas

And don't forget to take some time out yourself. Find a quiet place, go for a quick walk, ride, swim or surf.

 

[aolstudios]

I’m at a bit of a loss so turning to the collective wisdom of NSC in the hope someone can provide some expertise or point me towards some.

My mum is 78 and over the last few years has become increasingly withdrawn. It’s now to the extent that my dad can’t get her to leave the house pretty much, she hasn’t had her haircut in ages, and she’s cut off all social contact, even with closest friends. When her best friend came over, she didn’t recall it, and the friend said she only spoke about stories from her youth (and didn’t talk at all about her two grandchildren, one of whom is only 3 months old). My mum has had a long history of mobility problems, with many operations on her back and hips and has been in pain (part paralysed) for over 45 years. So one possible explanation is that the pain is just too much and she doesn’t want to leave the house. But I think it’s more mental. My gran (her mum) developed Alzheimer’s at about this age, but I remember that seeming very different. And her brother also has severe dementia.

In truth, I don’t really know what to do. As well as her, I’m worried about the impact on my dad, who is a sprightly 83, but is losing all social contact as well as a result. Any thoughts on what to do next would be welcome, but especially keen to hear from any medical professionals or those who’ve experienced similar issues. I live in north London and my parents are in Hove (and I’m an only child) so that doesn’t make anything easier.

Went through this recently with my Mum. Get Social (or age related) services involved asap. They did so much for us & helped us make decisions my Dad needed to but wouldn't have got around to. For my parents' safety & wellbeing at the time they were brilliant

 

[Neville's Breakfast]

Good luck with the AA form, as unfortunately like all government claims forms they are a ******* to fill out!

I filled one out for my Mum who has dementia. Takes a while but pretty straightforward. I wouldn’t want anyone put off by the form.
The comment above about having a good partner seems to be key. Unfortunately my Dad died 14 years ago which has made Mum’s care very difficult.

 

[FamilyGuy]

Went through this recently with my Mum. Get Social (or age related) services involved asap. They did so much for us & helped us make decisions my Dad needed to but wouldn't have got around to. For my parents' safety & wellbeing at the time they were brilliant

Absolutely this!! Theyre great.

 

[FamilyGuy]

I filled one out for my Mum who has dementia. Takes a while but pretty straightforward. I wouldn’t want anyone put off by the form.
The comment above about having a good partner seems to be key. Unfortunately my Dad died 14 years ago which has made Mum’s care very difficult.

Absolutely this too (the "filling out the form bit")

 

[Cheeky Monkey]

Had our Christmas today for the first time ever, rather than tomorrow, due to my dad’s dementia, made sure people were on the road before the sundowning fully kicked in with him. A cruel disease that spreads its tentacles far beyond the sufferer. Good luck to all dealing with it.

 

[thedonkeycentrehalf]

Sorry to hear about your situation.

You should get her checked by a doctor as soon as possible as it could be a urinary tract infection (https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/urinary-tract-infections-utis/) as some symptoms are similar. My grandmother suddenly started acting confused and forgetful without any previous signs of dementia and it turned out to be a UTI.

Best of luck.

 

[Cheeky Monkey]

Anyone have any experience of psychotic episodes with dementia and potential medication used to treat? My dad (82) has night psychosis/hallucinations/verbally violent episodes but has also suffered with sleep aponea so being sedated overnight is risky. He's currently on Memantine only. We're stuck in a nightmare situation of my mum having had a mild heart attack five days ago following one of his aggressive /threatening night time episodes and her now being back home with him, but him generally being far too lucid for a nursing home. I'm currently off work and sleeping in their house to safeguard her and will contact the crisis team and GP surgery tomorrow. All feels a bit desperate, haven't slept in days. He was an abusive and violent person in his younger years and I'm guessing the dementia episodes are an exaggeration of that underlying personality trait that hasn't surfaced in decades.