Help the club sell Guy Butters!

[Lady Whistledown]

As Giant Haystacks still seems to be on the scene following his last disastrous season (second only to Glenn Thomas in the league of appalling Albion centre backs) how about we give the club a hand in getting his £2000 a week wages off the bill?

My suggestion is for everyone to place an advert in the classified sections of their local paper (Croydon Advertiser anyone?) and spread the word. The following copy should help, or feel free to write your own.

For Sale: 1 Centre Half, king-size, as new, hardly used. Still in original condition, complete with large quantity of protective padding. Unwanted impulse purchase, selling due to high maintenance costs. Would suit Screwfix Western League team or similar. Possible use as whale simulator for training Eskimo children to hunt. Cost £2000/week new, now free to first caller. Will deliver.

 

[Gwylan]

What about eBay?

 

[Lady Whistledown]

A gold medal and permament place in the NSC Hall of Fame to the first person who does it!

Hold on though, isn't it illegal to trade in endangered species, like whales and hippos?

 

[Everest]

"As new"?
Trading standards might be brought in there!

 

[Biscuit]

Possible use as whale simulator for training Eskimo children to hunt.

Quality! I have some Eskimo's next door I can ask...

I think e-bay would be the best idea, it would prove that you really can buy anything.

 

[Mendoza]

ebay, thats what sunderland fans did to John Oster - quality

 

[Lady Whistledown]

I think we can say "as new", as he is clearly still in the condition he was when we purchased him. ie fat.

Interestingly, speaking of trading standards, if you buy something in a shop which is faulty or clearly not fit for the purpose for which it was sold, you are legally entitled to a free replacement or a full refund. Haystacks is clearly both, therefore I will personally drive him back to the Gillingham club shop and demand our money back.

I'll tell them Hinshelwood lost the receipt.

 

[Dunkstar]

May also be used as punchbag after a stressful day at work!

 

[Lady Whistledown]

101 Uses for a Guy Butters

ok then, new twist to this thread.

101 uses for a Guy Butters

1. Whale simulator for training Eskimo children to hunt

2. Punchbag after stressful day at work

3. Draught excluder for very large doors

Any other offers? Let's make it to 101.

Perhaps we could turn this into a book and at least make some money out of him.

 

[Blue&WhiteSea]

4. Soap
5. Dog food

 

[brighton rock]

should be good at treading grapes in france?

 

[Lady Whistledown]

8. Form a new all-male strip act with Neil Ruddock, Paul Merson and Tomas Brolin along the lines of the Roly Polies

9. Donate him to the US Air Force to drop on North Korea. The impact of a nuclear weapon without the radioactive fallout!

 

[teaboy]

10. bouncy castle
11. heavy roller for Sussex CCC
12. steam roller for the Highways department mainanence team

 

[watsongooal]

Somone pleassssssssse put him on E-Bay.

 

[JJ McClure]

13. Mr Blobby impersonator (No costume required).

 

[teaboy]

14. stunt whale for Free Willy 4
15. balast for a hot air balloon - anyone got Richard Branson's number?

 

[Everest]

16. Footballer impersonator

 

[Lush]

17. Bird Feeder at Arundel Wildfowl Park

 

[Soton Seagull]

18. Temporary Postcode

 

[Lady Whistledown]

Bird feeder What, we cover him with lard (probably not necessary) and seeds, and sit back and wait for every pigeon in the southern hemisphere to descend?

Class idea.