[Help] Help needed - child with anger problems

[Normal Rob]

Hi NSC,

My daughter (middle child of 3, aged 9) has always been a feisty tomboy but recently her anger has really been getting out of hand. Lashing out at me/my wife/her sisters, throwing/breaking things etc. It's never her fault, always ours or her sisters as 'we make her angry'. It's getting to the point where I have verged on lashing back myself. My eldest child is in the early stages of puberty and i've seen the mood swings that it causes, and it's because of all of these reasons that its time that I/we/she seek help otherwise i fear for what may happen in a few short years time. Has anyone got any similar experience and advice on where to start? Is it a GP visit? with or without my daughter?

Thanks,

Rob.

 

[Bob'n'weave]

Hi NSC,

My daughter (middle child of 3, aged 9) has always been a feisty tomboy but recently her anger has really been getting out of hand. Lashing out at me/my wife/her sisters, throwing/breaking things etc. It's never her fault, always ours or her sisters as 'we make her angry'. It's getting to the point where I have verged on lashing back myself. My eldest child is in the early stages of puberty and i've seen the mood swings that it causes, and it's because of all of these reasons that its time that I/we/she seek help otherwise i fear for what may happen in a few short years time. Has anyone got any similar experience and advice on where to start? Is it a GP visit? with or without my daughter?

Thanks,

Rob.

Definitely speak with your GP about parenting support/child behaviourists etc. That 'Jo' character on TV (Supernanny?) had some good tips. Maybe try a You Tube search, you never know. Also, try and keep the other kids in on the loop if you are trying anything the curb the outbursts, they may be able to help.

 

[Cheshire Cat]

https://www.mencap.org.uk/learning-...MI5oq_0L7_1gIVKyrTCh3_iQgrEAAYAyAAEgKR7_D_BwE ? or not?

 

[Seagull kimchi]

What do her teachers say? They could have some insight to how she behaves/reacts in class. Just an idea.

 

[Normal Rob]

https://www.mencap.org.uk/learning-...MI5oq_0L7_1gIVKyrTCh3_iQgrEAAYAyAAEgKR7_D_BwE ? or not?

no, no indications of autism/aspergers whatsoever aisde from anger issues.

 

[crookie]

Hi NSC,

My daughter (middle child of 3, aged 9) has always been a feisty tomboy but recently her anger has really been getting out of hand. Lashing out at me/my wife/her sisters, throwing/breaking things etc. It's never her fault, always ours or her sisters as 'we make her angry'. It's getting to the point where I have verged on lashing back myself. My eldest child is in the early stages of puberty and i've seen the mood swings that it causes, and it's because of all of these reasons that its time that I/we/she seek help otherwise i fear for what may happen in a few short years time. Has anyone got any similar experience and advice on where to start? Is it a GP visit? with or without my daughter?

Thanks,

Rob.

Any changes at school or family life that may have exacerbated things ? Have you spoken to the school to see if they have any issues with her behaviour, or is it just at home ?

 

[Normal Rob]

What do her teachers say? They could have some insight to how she behaves/reacts in class. Just an idea.

this is one of the strange things. She behaves well in class, and is a rule follower. However at home it's different. I appreciate that a home should be a safe environment where a child can feel able to push boundaries, but this is way beyond that.

 

[Insel affe]

Hi NSC,

My daughter (middle child of 3, aged 9) has always been a feisty tomboy but recently her anger has really been getting out of hand. Lashing out at me/my wife/her sisters, throwing/breaking things etc. It's never her fault, always ours or her sisters as 'we make her angry'. It's getting to the point where I have verged on lashing back myself. My eldest child is in the early stages of puberty and i've seen the mood swings that it causes, and it's because of all of these reasons that its time that I/we/she seek help otherwise i fear for what may happen in a few short years time. Has anyone got any similar experience and advice on where to start? Is it a GP visit? with or without my daughter?

Thanks,

Rob.

A hard call fella, our daughter 7 goes to a good but not well thought of school here in Brighton (I love it) and there are some difficult children in the class who have smashed the class up, hit other children and the teachers. Our daughter likes these children and tries to calm them down, she appreciates and understands their different and sometimes difficult backgrounds, however she went through a spell about 6 months ago it started of being golden through the day but bedtime.... oh lordy she would kick off, she would scream, hit, punch, run, hide, actually hurting the wife. We struggled at bedtimes neither of us wanted to do it and were at a loss, it would take upto 3 hours to get her to sleep. I wanted to walk out, of course I did not, but there is no way after going through care myself and being hit, I was going to resort to that, but I was tested and had to walk away a few times. What do you do... It is horrible.

In the end it just stopped, and now thinking back with the wife we tied it into a the end of summer term and breaking up for summer holidays. Delta had become close friends with a boy who is no longer at her school and she really liked him, and tried to calm him down when he did have his outbursts. The boy did not come back for the start of term and we have not had any instances of her anger outbursts on the same scale since the start of summer holidays, I could be totally wrong, but she could have been mimicking his behaviour to get attention. She often said she found it unfair all the naughty children got to go in the quite corner and play, or go to the level sometimes for the afternoon to get out of the stressful environment of school.

Anyway that was our experience and may not have any relevance to your situation and good luck.

 

[Bold Seagull]

Hi NSC,

My daughter (middle child of 3, aged 9) has always been a feisty tomboy but recently her anger has really been getting out of hand. Lashing out at me/my wife/her sisters, throwing/breaking things etc. It's never her fault, always ours or her sisters as 'we make her angry'. It's getting to the point where I have verged on lashing back myself. My eldest child is in the early stages of puberty and i've seen the mood swings that it causes, and it's because of all of these reasons that its time that I/we/she seek help otherwise i fear for what may happen in a few short years time. Has anyone got any similar experience and advice on where to start? Is it a GP visit? with or without my daughter?

Thanks,

Rob.

You could spend sometime with my eldest (13) and my youngest (7), and it may make you feel perfectly normal. My daughter actually has anger issues in her sleep and regularly wakes the entire house screaming that her brothers get out of her room or stop touching her stuff. Dunno, been trying herbal tea, breathing meditation etc. reckon kids are blighted by screens and devices, doing a lot of restrictions at present.

With hard working parents it is tough, pressures of work last thing you need is meltdowns at 7pm. Easy for past generations to look on disapprovingly but the world is a different place to when I was a kid.

 

[Triggaaar]

My eldest child is in the early stages of puberty and i've seen the mood swings that it causes, and it's because of all of these reasons that its time that I/we/she seek help

Sounds like a good plan (I also have a feisty daughter who is 10). I don't know where you can get help, so I'll follow this thread in case there's something I can learn too.

this is one of the strange things. She behaves well in class, and is a rule follower. However at home it's different.

Same as ours, although ours hasn't gone 'way beyond' yet.

 

[Seagull kimchi]

this is one of the strange things. She behaves well in class, and is a rule follower. However at home it's different. I appreciate that a home should be a safe environment where a child can feel able to push boundaries, but this is way beyond that.

It's a good thing that she maintains herself in school, proves the problems aren't endemic. Do you get any time alone together away from the rest of the kids - an hour at the park a couple of times a month maybe.

 

[Normal Rob]

It's a good thing that she maintains herself in school, proves the problems aren't endemic. Do you get any time alone together away from the rest of the kids - an hour at the park a couple of times a month maybe.

yes, some but like most working families not as much as I probably should. Both my wife and i work and this means having to get the kids up early and into pre-school clubs and child minders after school. This is relatively new thig as my wife has recently changed job and this may well be a contributing factor, but there have been signs for a long time before this shift in routine.

Anyhow i have to take her to her swimming lesson now so i'll catch up on any other replies later. Cheers all

 

[GT49er]

Hi NSC,

My daughter (middle child of 3, aged 9) has always been a feisty tomboy but recently her anger has really been getting out of hand. Lashing out at me/my wife/her sisters, throwing/breaking things etc. It's never her fault, always ours or her sisters as 'we make her angry'. It's getting to the point where I have verged on lashing back myself. My eldest child is in the early stages of puberty and i've seen the mood swings that it causes, and it's because of all of these reasons that its time that I/we/she seek help otherwise i fear for what may happen in a few short years time. Has anyone got any similar experience and advice on where to start? Is it a GP visit? with or without my daughter?

Thanks,

Rob.

I could also say, 'Welcome to Second Child Syndrome!'

Seriouly, though, the GP might be a good idea, but I'd start with trying to arrange a meeting with her teacher and head teacher first (not with your daughter present).

 

[Beach Hut]

There is normally a reason for the anger so suggest some time alone with her to understand what is causing it.

 

[Bold Seagull]

yes, some but like most working families not as much as I probably should. Both my wife and i work and this means having to get the kids up early and into pre-school clubs and child minders after school. This is relatively new thig as my wife has recently changed job and this may well be a contributing factor, but there have been signs for a long time before this shift in routine.

Anyhow i have to take her to her swimming lesson now so i'll catch up on any other replies later. Cheers all

We heading toward a society where both parents end up doing 40 hour weeks, really isn't the way forward, we should be striving to work less not more!

 

[Sheebo]

Sorry to hear this Rob but all I will add is fair play & well done for the post - it's good to talk mate, and there's a lot of good folk on NSC to help when the chips are down which is why I love this place

 

[imissworthing2]

Hi mate, my fiance is a clinical psychologist focusing primarily on children. Drop me a PM if you'd like any advice from her.

 

[timbha]

The fact that you’re seeking help is a sign that things will most probably work out. She could be starting puberty, seeking attention (middle child), pushing you to find out how far she can get, trying to act like someone older, who knows......or there could be a problem (school, friends, child minded, etc). Try to get some time with her where she might chat - in the car coming home from swimming play a game - you both list 3 things you like - you go first, Albion, sweets, happy times with the family. She might open up if when you ask about 3 things she would like to change.
Good luck

 

[junior]

Have you got us confused with mumsnet?

 

[timbha]

Have you got us confused with mumsnet?

there are no barriers to asking for help. Like minded people on NSC perhaps