[Misc] Having a pet put down and the guilt that follows

[theboybilly]

Dear all, I thought I'd ask the great and good of NSC if they had any advice on coming to terms with losing a pet (in my case a 14 year-old Staffy)

My Obi was a Battersea rescue and was 9 years old when he adopted us. It has been such a joy to have him in our lives an all has been well until about 10 days ago when he started leaving traces of blood on his blanket (when licking his paw or chewing a treat) Obi had lost a few damaged teeth that he had broken in the past so I put it down to gum problems. On Friday we took him to the vet only to find there was a growth in the roof of his mouth. Blood tests showed his liver enzymes were high too. We were told to take him back on Monday morning to have the growth (or as much of it as possible) removed for biopsy which we did at 8.30am. At around 11 o'clock my missus took a call and I knew it wasn't good news. There were tumours in Obi's lungs and something showed up on the ultrasound of his tummy. He was still under sedation. The vet asked did we want to continue with the tests. You can imagine the state the pair of us were in - I blubbed to the vet that we didn't want Our Boy suffering and did she think it best (for him) to just let him slip away quietly. She replied that in her opinion that at Obi's age his little body likely wouldn't have been up to all the stress of operations and treatments on that amount of issues. She said that, if we wanted, she would let him go (Obi's favourite nurse was there with him) and to give it an hour before going down to see him to say our goodbyes. We did this, he was laid out under a blanket and looked so peaceful.

But after a couple of days I'm still wracked with guilt - he was still his jolly old self, eating well and still wanting to go up the park (albeit he wasn't one for running about chasing other dogs) My missus is away and I'm faced with an empty house - it's horrible. Not for one second did I ever imagine I wasn't bring my boy home on Monday night. Am I being selfish? A silly old fool?

 

[Da Man Clay]

I had mine put down last year. She was 13 and we had her from a pup. Her back legs went overnight. Made my decision somewhat easier than yours. I’d take comfort that it was absolutely the right thing to do. The vets are pretty good at giving the appropriate advice as to what’s best for the doggy. The empty house after is horrendous but take solace from him not suffering as that would be much worse. RIP Obi.

 

[Si Gull]

It's a really difficult decision to take but you have to do what you think is best for your pet. It's part of our responsibility to them as they can't make the decision themselves. It's worse for them if you try to keep them going when they are in pain or discomfort. All you can do is take the vet's advice and do what you think is right. Awful thing to have to do, though.

 

[PILTDOWN MAN]

You did the right thing.

Problem with dogs and cats they are good at masking pain and therefore are normally in a bad way by the time we find out.

We have had to do it a number of times now and it never gets any easier.

RIP Obi

 

[SollysLeftFoot]

It's horrid, pets are family and they're not just animals. Each with their own personalities and mannerisms that make us love them, I had to make the decision to have my old boy put down 6 years ago and even today I felt so guilty despite knowing it was only right to do so. Prolonging his life would no doubt prolong his suffering.

I would definitely look at adopting again, as you know full well how much it would help the dogs at Battersea Rescue and also, pets make a home in my opinion.

 

[Napier]

It's a really difficult decision to take but you have to do what you think is best for your pet. It's part of our responsibility to them as they can't make the decision themselves. It's worse for them if you try to keep them going when they are in pain or discomfort. All you can do is take the vet's advice and do what you think is right. Awful thing to have to do, though.

This. Our cat was put to sleep four years ago and whilst I am sure we did the right thing, I still feel terrible about it.

 

[Thunder Bolt]

It's a natural part of grief, but the vet gave you good advice. You wouldn't have wanted Obi to suffer any more, so you did the right thing, although you won't think so at the moment.
14 is a good age for a dog, and you gave Obi a great home for 5 years where he enjoyed love, care and attention. When animals are really sick, it is time to let them go in peace, not suffer because we will miss them.

It's hard to imagine at the moment, but in a few months time, you can find another rescue dog to love who will fill that empty home. It's waiting for you now when you're ready.

 

[Wrong-Direction]

I had the same thing whenever one of my tropical fish died, just awful.

Sent from my SM-A600FN using Tapatalk

 

[wellquickwoody]

You made a choice based upon sound advice, and made it for the right reasons. Of course you question your decision, that is only natural, but the guilt will pass. When it does you will be able to think about sharing your life with a loyal friend once more.

 

[Blackadder]

Our two cats, sisters from the same litter, had to be put down at the ages of 14 and 17.

They were very frail towards the end, especially the older one. To be honest we should had probably done it earlier as she had no quality of life.She was incontinent and very thin.

The last cat's "Euthanasia" as the vets referred to it on the invoice was over two years ago. I don't feel guilty, just happy that they had a long comfortable life with us.

We still miss them, especially when we go past the IAMS food in Sainsburys. Still feels strange that we are not buying their food.

 

[marcos3263]

Well this is a miserable thread I chose to read whilst eating my crumpets. You are not a silly old fool. it is a horrible thing to have to deal with the death of a family member and the empty house afterwards.

I rank our cat higher than our child as we have had him longer. He also doesn't answer back and hog the TV.

 

[Icy Gull]

Totally sympathise having put down our 17 year old dog in January. She had gone from 15 kgs to 6 kgs in a six month period and shivered everytime I took her for a walk (wven with a thick coat) which she insisted on having twice a day, hassling like she always had. Intestinal problems which could have been cancer but at 17 we were advised not to have her operated on.

She was the same dog in character and energy right to the end and apart from her weight and constant diarrhea you wouldn’t have known she had a problem. It actually broke my heart to put her down and I wonder every day if we should have let her live longer but didn’t want her to suffer which she clearly was, as she groaned when lying down. The fact that she was the same dog in character and energy right to the end with no slowing down except for eating fills me with guilt.

Genuinely heart breaking for us

 

[Brovion]

Dear all, I thought I'd ask the great and good of NSC if they had any advice on coming to terms with losing a pet (in my case a 14 year-old Staffy)

My Obi was a Battersea rescue and was 9 years old when he adopted us. It has been such a joy to have him in our lives an all has been well until about 10 days ago when he started leaving traces of blood on his blanket (when licking his paw or chewing a treat) Obi had lost a few damaged teeth that he had broken in the past so I put it down to gum problems. On Friday we took him to the vet only to find there was a growth in the roof of his mouth. Blood tests showed his liver enzymes were high too. We were told to take him back on Monday morning to have the growth (or as much of it as possible) removed for biopsy which we did at 8.30am. At around 11 o'clock my missus took a call and I knew it wasn't good news. There were tumours in Obi's lungs and something showed up on the ultrasound of his tummy. He was still under sedation. The vet asked did we want to continue with the tests. You can imagine the state the pair of us were in - I blubbed to the vet that we didn't want Our Boy suffering and did she think it best (for him) to just let him slip away quietly. She replied that in her opinion that at Obi's age his little body likely wouldn't have been up to all the stress of operations and treatments on that amount of issues. She said that, if we wanted, she would let him go (Obi's favourite nurse was there with him) and to give it an hour before going down to see him to say our goodbyes. We did this, he was laid out under a blanket and looked so peaceful.

But after a couple of days I'm still wracked with guilt - he was still his jolly old self, eating well and still wanting to go up the park (albeit he wasn't one for running about chasing other dogs) My missus is away and I'm faced with an empty house - it's horrible. Not for one second did I ever imagine I wasn't bring my boy home on Monday night. Am I being selfish? A silly old fool?

You utterly, utterly did the right thing. It is really hard to know when to let go, and I think most of us actually err on the 'wrong' side and keep the family member alive for longer than we should, just because we can't bear to say goodbye. Unless they're actually howling in pain we kid ourselves that they're ok 'for the moment'.

And yes, it's horrible afterwards. It does ease slightly as the months pass, but you never forget them. Fortunately as time passes you focus on the good times and only occasionally upset yourself by remembering the end. Myself and many others on here know exactly what you're going through. All the best.

 

[Silverhatch]

Cried like I've never cried before when I had my dog put down. It was horrible but lovely at the same time. She was suffering and she died in my arms in her home. Don't feel guilty about it at all. I just wish that there had been something similar in place to help ease my mum and dad's suffering at the end of their lives. We really do handle the end of life of pets better than we do humans.

 

[Tim Over Whelmed]

As tough as it is you've done the right thing, no animal should suffer and, as hard as it is, there are many humans that should never go through the pain, quality of life and mental anixiety that we make them. RIP Obi

 

[theboybilly]

Well this is a miserable thread I chose to read whilst eating my crumpets. You are not a silly old fool. it is a horrible thing to have to deal with the death of a family member and the empty house afterwards.

I rank our cat higher than our child as we have had him longer. He also doesn't answer back and hog the TV.

That last bit cheered me up no end

 

[theboybilly]

It's horrid, pets are family and they're not just animals. Each with their own personalities and mannerisms that make us love them, I had to make the decision to have my old boy put down 6 years ago and even today I felt so guilty despite knowing it was only right to do so. Prolonging his life would no doubt prolong his suffering.

I would definitely look at adopting again, as you know full well how much it would help the dogs at Battersea Rescue and also, pets make a home in my opinion.

My missus says 'never again' but I just know, given time, it will be 'shall we just pop over to Dog's Trust - just to have a look?' It's a bit early for that but I know it's coming

 

[GJN1]

I had mine put down last year. She was 13 and we had her from a pup. Her back legs went overnight. Made my decision somewhat easier than yours. I’d take comfort that it was absolutely the right thing to do. The vets are pretty good at giving the appropriate advice as to what’s best for the doggy. The empty house after is horrendous but take solace from him not suffering as that would be much worse. RIP Obi.

Similar story with our 18-year-old cat. Her rear legs just went over the space of a few days - renal failure apparently - and the sight of her struggling around was heartbreaking, for me and the rest of the family. We took her into the vet on the Friday and made the decision to take her back in the following morning to have her put down. That last night at home was truly horrible - I'm welling up just thinking about it.

But it was for the best. It really was.

 

[Fignon's Ponytail]

Perfectly understandable feelings - pets are a massive part of family life. We had to have our eldest cat Poppy put down just over a year ago. She was 18, & we got her as a kitten just after we bought our first place together. Heartbreaking to see her health deteriorate so quickly towards the end when she lost so much weight & her hips went, but the vets gave us a lot of advice and help in deciding what was best for her....and I'll be eternally grateful for the way it was all handled. I was a blubbing mess as I held her in my arms as she drifted off - but we knew she was starting to suffer & it had to be done. Its the worst feeling in the world, but thank goodness the vets are there for us all in their expert capacity to do whats right.
Still get upset sometimes thinking of her, but more often than not I think of her & smile these days, knowing she led the life of luxury while she was with us. Getting a kitten last summer (to keep our other cat company who was getting lonely without her big sister) helped a lot too - especially with our kids who had grown up with Poppy around.

 

[Is it PotG?]

Same here, elderly cat we had for many years….renal failure, legs went.

We arranged to take her to the vet following day, she slept on my chest all night.

Nice to see what a bunch of softies we are.