[Misc] Having a pet put down and the guilt that follows

[Questions]

I don't have advice, we're in a similar position.

Our cocker spaniel is 15.5 years old and struggling. She's deaf and her eyesight is terrible now. She's not off her food or drink, and doesn't appear to be in any discomfort, but she also doesn't seem to have any joy in life any more, and I think she has dementia (she doesn't really know who we are ). She's been an amazing loving pet, she's never so much as shown her teeth at anyone, despite years of having her fur pulled by toddlers etc. Now she's not easy to look after (regular ear and eye cleaning, and she goes to the toilet inside more than out), but I don't want to put her down just because it would be easier for us.

Speak to your vet. They actually love animals. Don’t just presume your dog is in discomfort.... ask.

 

[Super Steve Earle]

Funny old place, NSC. There must be so many other outlets for grief and guilt, yet here we are supporting a fellow Albion fan, therefore one of the family. My absolute sympathies for your loss. You did the right thing and think of it as your final gift, act of kindness to a much loved family member. We lost a wonderful cat 5 years ago and the grief was truly awful, but our only guilt was that we held on to him a week or two longer than we should have done. But we love our pets so much. I would caution you not to dive straight in with another pet. Individually, they are irreplaceable and you will find you own moment to bring another pet in to your family. We have not found that moment yet, but I feel sure it will come. All the best.

 

[portslade seagull]

My daughter had her dog Charlie put down last year aged 15. She was gutted for quite a while, and then two weeks ago, she went to the Rescue Centre and came home with this lovely bitch. She is two years old, loving and so quick to learn.

View attachment 107456

There are some beautiful dogs just waiting for loving homes to go to.

Oh my God she's lovely. Our 1st dog was an Alsatian/ Black Labrador cross. Not a bad bone but was protective of the boys when they were young. Never turned on anyone was well behaved

 

[Cheshire Cat]

You will feel completely shit, and that you have betrayed them somehow. I still feel this several months after having a cat put down, despite the vet's advice that she wouldn't be able to last much longer. I made the decision, I watched the light go out of her eyes, and I watched her die. It was and is crap. All you can console yourself with is that you did the best you could for then. No-one lasts for ever.

 

[Triggaaar]

We let our girl live six months longer than she should have. She had all the symptoms you mention - especially the No Joy bit. In hindsight the delay was all to do with what we wanted - not what she needed. Be strong.

How do you know the delay was bad for her?

It might be best for us to have her put down, we don't know, but we're certainly not keeping her alive for ourselves - looking after her is not exactly a joyous experience any more.

Speak to your vet. They actually love animals. Don’t just presume your dog is in discomfort.... ask.

I think you mean 'isn't in discomfort'?

When she gets stuck somewhere, like in the garden, she'll howl to let us know something's not right. She might also make a bit of noise if we're late with dinner, but otherwise she doesn't say much. I'm sure she would if she was in pain. But I'll see what the vet says.

 

[theboybilly]

We let our girl live six months longer than she should have. She had all the symptoms you mention - especially the No Joy bit. In hindsight the delay was all to do with what we wanted - not what she needed. Be strong.

It's so difficult to know when it's 'that time'. But it must be better to let them go a little early when all the signs are there than guess everything is fine (not that I'm saying [MENTION=4019]Triggaaar[/MENTION] is)
I have taken great comfort from all of these replies that we have done what's best in the long run for our boy. I can't thank you all enough for taking the time. They've been most heartwarming

 

[theboybilly]

Speak to your vet. They actually love animals. Don’t just presume your dog is in discomfort.... ask.

They do indeed. Gail (who looked after Obi nearly all the time and always called him 'Obes' was crying her eyes out when we went down to say goodbye. 'I'm so sorry, this is most unprofessional' she said. We all just stood there in a sort of group hug. Wonderful people. Even the receptionist had the tissues out

 

[theboybilly]

Funny old place, NSC. There must be so many other outlets for grief and guilt, yet here we are supporting a fellow Albion fan, therefore one of the family. My absolute sympathies for your loss. You did the right thing and think of it as your final gift, act of kindness to a much loved family member. We lost a wonderful cat 5 years ago and the grief was truly awful, but our only guilt was that we held on to him a week or two longer than we should have done. But we love our pets so much. I would caution you not to dive straight in with another pet. Individually, they are irreplaceable and you will find you own moment to bring another pet in to your family. We have not found that moment yet, but I feel sure it will come. All the best.

Thank you very much, kind words indeed. Today I've been blessed with all these responses but I shouldn't have been surprised really. NSC is truly a great forum - in my view the best.

 

[The Antikythera Mechanism]

This thread has really hit a nerve, but not to do with having a pet put down, but parting with one. When I was about eight we had two dogs, Cindy a lovely mongrel and Pepe a young black poodle. The long and short of it, is they didn’t get on and one had to go. I was asked which one I would rather keep and I said Pepe, for no other reason than he was young and would be around longer. I remember sitting on the bus with my my mum and Cindy as we took her to the kennels near the pylons. I will never forget the look on Cindy's little face when we left her at the kennels and walked away. If only I could go back in time and try and make those two get on. The hurt will never go away.

 

[Uncle Spielberg]

It broke my heart when I had to have my Harry put down at 15 years 4 months having had him since 3 months. We both knew that day the game was up. He was my boy. Our bond was something extraordinary.

I still miss him every day and to be there when it was done was the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life but I made a promise to be there and I was. It is the kindest and hardest thing you can ever do. You did the right thing and he loves you forever for it. Remember all the good times you had together. Stay strong

 

[Raleigh Chopper]

Any ideas on how to put down an unwanted goldfish, it's very old and has a bit of fin rot and it costs me a fortune to change its water what with the cost of tapwater these days.
But I don't want to be cruel.
So far I have tried removing all the plastic weeds and the no fishing sign to try and bore it to death, having failed I persisted on the theme by holding my mobile to the glass and scrolling through all the pages of the Brexit thread, this nearly worked and I saw it giving up the will to live but it saw the posts by Two Professors and Baker Lite and it cheered up again ( have you ever seen a goldfish laugh and roll it's eyes)
I am now out of ideas and it's due another expensive water change soon which I am not too keen to do.
Thanks.

 

[dangull]

Any ideas on how to put down an unwanted goldfish, it's very old and has a bit of fin rot and it costs me a fortune to change its water what with the cost of tapwater these days.
But I don't want to be cruel.
So far I have tried removing all the plastic weeds and the no fishing sign to try and bore it to death, having failed I persisted on the theme by holding my mobile to the glass and scrolling through all the pages of the Brexit thread, this nearly worked and I saw it giving up the will to live but it saw the posts by Two Professors and Baker Lite and it cheered up again ( have you ever seen a goldfish laugh and roll it's eyes)
I am now out of ideas and it's due another expensive water change soon which I am not too keen to do.
Thanks.

Took me a while to see if this was a controversial post or a joke

 

[atfc village]

just put my 15 and a half Year old lab out ,he is on he's last legs . Stopped going for a walk a year a go ,he just potters about the garden now . Sight is failing ,but he still functions ok . I hope i find him one morning gone rather than go through having to put him to sleep like the last lab i had . Which ever way it happens it will break my heart ,but as he is the first dog i bought on my own it's the best money i've ever spent. Tresco has a had a lovely life holidays with the family and never left out of anything .

 

[zefarelly]

My mum asked first, after our first cat got half run over, we all agreed, I was 14, My step father shielded our dog being put down from me in '96. I Had a headline gig at the Pavillion theatre that night, he did the right thing. Vets are better qualified than doctors not by accident. Morals are morals. The right thing was done. Remember the good stuff, I still do.

 

[zefarelly]

Don't scrimp, just flush.
Roller coaster super surf of a lifetime, way to go. If it survives that, there's probably another goldfish at the other end looking for sex.

It's win/win.

Flush to win!

Any ideas on how to put down an unwanted goldfish, it's very old and has a bit of fin rot and it costs me a fortune to change its water what with the cost of tapwater these days.
But I don't want to be cruel.
So far I have tried removing all the plastic weeds and the no fishing sign to try and bore it to death, having failed I persisted on the theme by holding my mobile to the glass and scrolling through all the pages of the Brexit thread, this nearly worked and I saw it giving up the will to live but it saw the posts by Two Professors and Baker Lite and it cheered up again ( have you ever seen a goldfish laugh and roll it's eyes)
I am now out of ideas and it's due another expensive water change soon which I am not too keen to do.
Thanks.

 

[Withdean and I]

So sorry to hear of your loss. Our four legged friends are part of our families and parting is so so hard.
Had to watch our 6 year old dog lose its ability to walk due to nerve damage and despite it being relatively young we followed the vets advice.
When the vet tells you that it’s what they would do then you know it’s the right thing.
Doesn’t make it any easier though, and being right there for it and stroking her as she was put to sleep was utterly heartbreaking as she was mentally very good.
Tough times but knowing you did the right thing for them helps the upset ease in the long run.

 

[Arkwright]

Our Ginger tom called Merry Mayo Ginger Prince or just Ginger to his friends went to the vet in December as he was struggling to chew his food. Originally we were told it was just a couple of teeth to come out but during the operation the vet found a cancerous lump under his tongue. The vet rang my wife and we agreed that the lump should be removed so poor Ginger ended the day missing four teeth and having part of his tongue removed.
Upon his return home Ginger struggled to eat and clean himself and quickly became and shadow of his former self. To watch him deteriorate so quickly was heartbreaking but credit to him he was still so affectionate until we came to the decision that he had to be put down, such a hard thing to do but in the end you know your doing the right thing.
It's only been three weeks but my wife and I still beat ourselves up about giving the vet permission to do such a big operation and just removing a few teeth would have been enough and he would still have had a couple of years. Yes the cancer would have finally got him but at least he would have had a better ending and we could have made a final decision with Ginger having a better quality of life in his latter years.
I find it so hard not to blame the vet as I'm not convinced they fully understood the long term effects of the operation.
RIP Ginger, he was a Top Cat.

 

[sydney]

Dear all, I thought I'd ask the great and good of NSC if they had any advice on coming to terms with losing a pet (in my case a 14 year-old Staffy)

My Obi was a Battersea rescue and was 9 years old when he adopted us. It has been such a joy to have him in our lives an all has been well until about 10 days ago when he started leaving traces of blood on his blanket (when licking his paw or chewing a treat) Obi had lost a few damaged teeth that he had broken in the past so I put it down to gum problems. On Friday we took him to the vet only to find there was a growth in the roof of his mouth. Blood tests showed his liver enzymes were high too. We were told to take him back on Monday morning to have the growth (or as much of it as possible) removed for biopsy which we did at 8.30am. At around 11 o'clock my missus took a call and I knew it wasn't good news. There were tumours in Obi's lungs and something showed up on the ultrasound of his tummy. He was still under sedation. The vet asked did we want to continue with the tests. You can imagine the state the pair of us were in - I blubbed to the vet that we didn't want Our Boy suffering and did she think it best (for him) to just let him slip away quietly. She replied that in her opinion that at Obi's age his little body likely wouldn't have been up to all the stress of operations and treatments on that amount of issues. She said that, if we wanted, she would let him go (Obi's favourite nurse was there with him) and to give it an hour before going down to see him to say our goodbyes. We did this, he was laid out under a blanket and looked so peaceful.

But after a couple of days I'm still wracked with guilt - he was still his jolly old self, eating well and still wanting to go up the park (albeit he wasn't one for running about chasing other dogs) My missus is away and I'm faced with an empty house - it's horrible. Not for one second did I ever imagine I wasn't bring my boy home on Monday night. Am I being selfish? A silly old fool?

no mate you're not ........although excrutiatingly hard you have probably done the right thing , staffies are great little characters and no doubt you and your missus have a great bond with him , sounds like the outcome was inevitable .....you'll fell better in a few days .

 

[Triggaaar]

just put my 15 and a half Year old lab out ,he is on he's last legs . Stopped going for a walk a year a go ,he just potters about the garden now . Sight is failing ,but he still functions ok . I hope i find him one morning gone rather than go through having to put him to sleep like the last lab i had

You'll be the luckiest dog owner if he does, but sadly that doesn't happen much.

 

[Clarke's Consolation]

Having been regularly looking at NSC for many many years this thread has prompted me to register and post at 53yo and my first ever reply on any forum. Have really enjoyed and equally been frustrated by the forum through the bad times and the good.

This thread has had me in tears as similar to theboybilly we also said goodbye to our boy Tikka on Monday at around 10.30am. I last walked him before setting off for the game on Saturday, so a great day followed by some really bad ones. He had been going downhill for some months and on Sunday all the signs were there - struggling to get up, no appetite (even a bit of Chicken, his favourite, right in front of his mouth was not taken), standing prone and looking vacant, incontinent, etc.

He would have been 16 next month, so a good age, and the vet went through the options of tests and antibiotics but when she said the she would expect us to be back later this week we all knew what needed to happen, though myself and my wife already really knew. Hard parts were letting our daughters know who were 5 and 3 when we got him as a pup so do not remember life prior to Tikka. Also feel lost in the evenings as the routine of walkies and later letting him out in the garden before bed is now not there.

I may not post again however reading this thread has been comforting in many ways and has helped me through these early days without a big part of our family.