Handjobs

[Man of Harveys]

OK it's not but it is probably about as old:

A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father.

She stands next to the barber's chair, eating a cake while her dad gets
his hair cut.

The barber smiles at her and says: "Sweetheart, you're gonna get hair
on your muffin."

"I know" she replies "I'm gonna get tits too."

 

[Dave the OAP]

 

[byf]

OK it's not but it is probably about as old:

A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father.

She stands next to the barber's chair, eating a cake while her dad gets
his hair cut.

The barber smiles at her and says: "Sweetheart, you're gonna get hair
on your muffin."

"I know" she replies "I'm gonna get tits too."

Peedo....Your a fcuking animal mate!

 

[Buzzer]

boom-tish!

Sir. I'd like to marry your daughter.

I must warn you, first, she has acute angina.

Yeah - and her tits aren't bad either.

 

[wehatepalace]

Re: Re: Handjobs

Peedo....Your a fcuking animal mate!

 

[Lokki 7]

OK it's not but it is probably about as old:

A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father.

She stands next to the barber's chair, eating a cake while her dad gets
his hair cut.

The barber smiles at her and says: "Sweetheart, you're gonna get hair
on your muffin."

"I know" she replies "I'm gonna get tits too."

6.2

 

[Trufflehound]

Does the barber do sandwiches?

 

[BIRCHYBOY27]

boom-tish!

Sir. I'd like to marry your daughter.

I must warn you, first, she has acute angina.

Yeah - and her tits aren't bad either.

 

[Man of Harveys]

Does the barber do sandwiches?

Yes. Yes, he does. And they're not cheap either.

 

[Trufflehound]

Handjobs: the Spanish Inquisition version

Two blokes go into a pub. when they reach the bar they see the barmaid is a rather attractive young lady wearing a red cloak, a funny hat and a crucifx.

Bloke 1: "Oooh blimey, I didn't expect the Spanish Inquisition."

Barmaid: "Hah! Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition. Our two main specials of the day are: the ploughmans lunch, a parma ham sandwich, and a handjob... THREE! Our THREE main specials are: the ploughmans lunch, a parma ham sandwich, a handjob, and an almost FANATICAL devotion to the pope. FOUR! Our four main.... I'll come in again."

(Moments later) Barmaid: "Amongst our major specials are..."

 

[Biscuit]

Handjobs: the Spanish Inquisition version

Two blokes go into a pub. when they reach the bar they see the barmaid is a rather attractive young lady wearing a red cloak, a funny hat and a crucifx.

Bloke 1: "Oooh blimey, I didn't expect the Spanish Inquisition."

Barmaid: "Hah! Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition. Our two main specials of the day are: the ploughmans lunch, a parma ham sandwich, and a handjob... THREE! Our THREE main specials are: the ploughmans lunch, a parma ham sandwich, a handjob, and an almost FANATICAL devotion to the pope. FOUR! Our four main.... I'll come in again."

(Moments later) Barmaid: "Amongst our major specials are..."

 

[wehatepalace]

Handjobs: the Spanish Inquisition version

Two blokes go into a pub. when they reach the bar they see the barmaid is a rather attractive young lady wearing a red cloak, a funny hat and a crucifx.

Bloke 1: "Oooh blimey, I didn't expect the Spanish Inquisition."

Barmaid: "Hah! Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition. Our two main specials of the day are: the ploughmans lunch, a parma ham sandwich, and a handjob... THREE! Our THREE main specials are: the ploughmans lunch, a parma ham sandwich, a handjob, and an almost FANATICAL devotion to the pope. FOUR! Our four main.... I'll come in again."

(Moments later) Barmaid: "Amongst our major specials are..."

 

[¸.·´¯`·.¸><((((º>]

Handjobs: the Spanish Inquisition version

Two blokes go into a pub. when they reach the bar they see the barmaid is a rather attractive young lady wearing a red cloak, a funny hat and a crucifx.

Bloke 1: "Oooh blimey, I didn't expect the Spanish Inquisition."

Barmaid: "Hah! Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition. Our two main specials of the day are: the ploughmans lunch, a parma ham sandwich, and a handjob... THREE! Our THREE main specials are: the ploughmans lunch, a parma ham sandwich, a handjob, and an almost FANATICAL devotion to the pope. FOUR! Our four main.... I'll come in again."

(Moments later) Barmaid: "Amongst our major specials are..."

 

[mejonaNO12 aka riskit]

Handjobs: the Spanish Inquisition version

Two blokes go into a pub. when they reach the bar they see the barmaid is a rather attractive young lady wearing a red cloak, a funny hat and a crucifx.

Bloke 1: "Oooh blimey, I didn't expect the Spanish Inquisition."

Barmaid: "Hah! Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition. Our two main specials of the day are: the ploughmans lunch, a parma ham sandwich, and a handjob... THREE! Our THREE main specials are: the ploughmans lunch, a parma ham sandwich, a handjob, and an almost FANATICAL devotion to the pope. FOUR! Our four main.... I'll come in again."

(Moments later) Barmaid: "Amongst our major specials are..."

*cough*

 

[Gully]

Continuing the joke...

Bloke asks the barmaid: "what do you recommend"

She replies: "the parma ham sandwich, as long as the chef hasn't just given someone a handjob"

 

[mejonaNO12 aka riskit]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

 

[surrey jim]

Handjobs: the Spanish Inquisition version

Two blokes go into a pub. when they reach the bar they see the barmaid is a rather attractive young lady wearing a red cloak, a funny hat and a crucifx.

Bloke 1: "Oooh blimey, I didn't expect the Spanish Inquisition."

Barmaid: "Hah! Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition. Our two main specials of the day are: the ploughmans lunch, a parma ham sandwich, and a handjob... THREE! Our THREE main specials are: the ploughmans lunch, a parma ham sandwich, a handjob, and an almost FANATICAL devotion to the pope. FOUR! Our four main.... I'll come in again."

(Moments later) Barmaid: "Amongst our major specials are..."

 

[Double Hard Bastard]

A man with no arms bumps into his mate in the street..
'Where are you off to?' the friend says
'I've got to change a light bulb' he replies
'How the f*** are you going to manage that? says the friend
'I m kept the receipt!'


There it is, right there! Comedy genius!

 

[Double Hard Bastard]

'I m kept the receipt!' bugger!

Comedy! Its all about timing and spelling

 

[Biscuit]

Trufflehound, I thought that brilliant.