Hungry Joe
SINNEN
chicken run said:
He's a Time Lord, go figure.
Last edited:
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grrrrreat Tories ahead in mori poll
- Thread starter Chicken Run
- Start date
He's a Time Lord, go figure.
- Thread starter
- #25
No I post a load of boring political drivel and you lot get wound upBiscuit said:Before we all get worked up (Chicken Run, Looney)
None of us 'know'.
We are all just speculating.
Blimey.. you lot don't 'arf get worked up.
London Irish
Well-known member
looney said:
It's not going to be below 50 per cent is it, you postmodernist dumbo. That's unless you're planning to bring your mate Jeb Bush in to oversee the elections and have one voting machine for 100,000 blacks.
Hungry Joe
SINNEN
London Irish said:
10/10.
Tony Meolas Loan Spell
Slut Faced Whores
All this reminds me of the Monty Python Election Sketch which is brilliant. And how big a swing Im not going to tell you.
I personally will vote for Tarquin Fintimlinbinwhinbimlim Bus Stop Poontang Poontang Ole Biscuit-Barrel (Silly Party)
For those comedy connoiseurs:
Cleese (talking very fast, as do all the commentators): Hello, good evening
and welcome to Election Night Special. There's tremendous excitement
here at the moment and we should be getting the first results through
any moment now. We're not sure where it will be from, it might be
Leicester or from West Byfleet, the polling's been quite heavy in both
areas. Ah, I'm just getting... I'm just getting... a buzzing noise in
my left ear. Urgh, argh! (removes insect and stamps on it). And now
let's go straight over to Leicester.
Palin: And it's a straight fight here at Leicester and we're expecting the
result any moment now. There with the Returning Officer is Arthur Smith
the sensible candidate and next to him is Jethro Q. Walrustitty the
silly candidate with his agent and his silly wife.
Idle: (clears throat) Here is the result for Leicester. Arthur J. Smith...
Cleese: (Sensible Party)
Idle: ...30,612. (applause)
Jethro Q. Bunn Whackett Buzzard Stubble and Boot Walrustitty...
Cleese: (Silly Party)
Idle: ...33,108. (applause)
Cleese: Well there we have the first result of the election and the Silly
party has held Leicester. Norman.
Palin: Well pretty much as I predicted, except that the Silly party won. Er,
I think this is largely due to the number of votes cast. Gerald.
Chapman: Well there's a big swing here to the Silly Party, but how big a swing
I'm not going to tell you.
Palin: I think one should point out that in this constituency since the last
election a lot of very silly people have moved into new housing
estates with the result that a lot of sensible voters have moved
further down the road the other side of number er, 29.
Cleese: Well I can't add anything to that. Colin?
Idle: Can I just say that this is the first time I've been on television?
Cleese: No I'm sorry, there isn't time, we're just going straight over to
Luton.
Chapman: Well here at Luton it's a three-cornered contest between, from left
to right, Alan Jones (Sensible Party), Tarquin Fintimlinbinwhinbimlim
Bus Stop Poontang Poontang Ole Biscuit-Barrel (Silly Party), and
Kevin Phillips Bong, who is running on the Slightly Silly ticket.
And here's the result.
Woman: Alan Jones...
Cleese: (Sensible)
Woman: ...9,112.
Kevin Phillips Bong...
Cleese: (Slightly Silly)
Woman: Nought.
Tarquin Fintimlinbinwhinbimlim Bus Stop Poontang Poontang Ole
Biscuit-Barrel...
Cleese: (Silly)
Woman: 12,441. (applause)
Cleese: Well there you have it, the first result of the election as the Silly
Party take Luton. Norman.
Palin: Well this is a very significant result. Luton, normally a very
sensible constituency with a high proportion of people who aren't a
bit silly, has gone completely ga-ga.
Cleese: And we've just heard that James Gilbert has with him the winning Silly
candidate at Luton.
Idle: Tarquin, are you pleased with this result?
Tarquin (Palin): Ho yus, me old beauty, I should say so. (Silly noises
including a goat bleating).
Cleese: And do we have the swing at Luton?
Chapman: Er... no.
Cleese: (pause) Right, well I can't add anything to that. Colin?
Idle: Can I just say that this is the second time I've been on television?
Cleese: No, I'm sorry there isn't time, we're just about to get another
result.
Palin: And this one is from Harpenden Southeast. A very interesting
constituency this: in addition to the official Silly candidate there
is an unofficial Very Silly candidate, in the slab of concrete, and he
could well split the silly vote here at Harpenden Southeast.
Jones: Mrs Elsie Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...
Cleese: (Silly)
Jones: 26,317 (applause).
Jeanette Walker...
Cleese: (Sensible)
Jones: 26,318...
Cleese: Very close!
Jones: Malcolm Peter Brian Telescope Adrian Blackpool Rock Stoatgobbler John
Raw Vegetable Brrroooo Norman Michael (rings bell) (blows whistle)
Edward (sounds car horn) (does train impersonation) (sounds buzzer)
Thomas Moo... (sings) "We'll keep a welcome in the..." (fires gun)
William (makes silly noise) "Raindrops keep falling on my" (weird
noise) "Don't sleep in the subway" (cuckoo cuckoo) Naaoooo... Smith...
Cleese: (Very Silly)
Jones: ...two.
Cleese: Well there you have it, a Sensible gain at Harpenden with the Silly
vote being split.
Palin: And we've just heard from Luton that Tony Stratton-Smith has with him
there the unsuccessful Slightly Silly candidate, Kevin Phillips Bong.
Idle: Kevin Phillips Bong. You polled no votes at all. Not a sausage.
Bugger all. Are you at all disappointed with this performance?
Bong (Neil Innes): Not at all. As I always say:
Climb every mountain
Ford every stream,
Follow every by-way,
Till you find your dream.
(Sings) A dream that will last
All the love you can give
Every day of your life
For as long as you live.
All together now!
Climb every mountain
Ford every stream...
Cleese: A very brave Kevin Phillips Bong there. Norman.
Palin: And I've just heard from Luton that my aunt is ill. Possibly
gastro-enteritis, possibly just catarrh. Gerald.
Cleese: Right. Er, Colin?
Idle: Can I just say that I'll never appear on television again?
Cleese: No I'm sorry, there isn't time, we have to pick up a few results you
may have missed. A little pink pussy-cat has taken Barrow-in-Furness
-- that's a gain from the Liberals there. Rastus Odinga Odinga has
taken Wolverhampton Southwest, that's Enoch Powell's old constituency
-- an important gain there for Darkie Power. Arthur Negus has held
Bristols -- that's not a result, that's just a piece of gossip. Sir
Alec Douglas Home has taken Oldham for the Stone Dead party. A small
piece of putty about that big, a cheese mechanic from Dunbar and two
frogs -- one called Kipper the other not -- have all gone "Ni ni ni ni
ni ni!" in Blackpool Central. And so it's beginning to look like a
Silly landslide, and with the prospect of five more years' Silly
government facing us we... Oh I don't want to do this any more, I'm
bored!
Palin: He's right you know, it is a bloody waste of time.
Chapman: Absolute waste of time.
Palin: I wanted to be a gynaecologist...
I personally will vote for Tarquin Fintimlinbinwhinbimlim Bus Stop Poontang Poontang Ole Biscuit-Barrel (Silly Party)
For those comedy connoiseurs:
Cleese (talking very fast, as do all the commentators): Hello, good evening
and welcome to Election Night Special. There's tremendous excitement
here at the moment and we should be getting the first results through
any moment now. We're not sure where it will be from, it might be
Leicester or from West Byfleet, the polling's been quite heavy in both
areas. Ah, I'm just getting... I'm just getting... a buzzing noise in
my left ear. Urgh, argh! (removes insect and stamps on it). And now
let's go straight over to Leicester.
Palin: And it's a straight fight here at Leicester and we're expecting the
result any moment now. There with the Returning Officer is Arthur Smith
the sensible candidate and next to him is Jethro Q. Walrustitty the
silly candidate with his agent and his silly wife.
Idle: (clears throat) Here is the result for Leicester. Arthur J. Smith...
Cleese: (Sensible Party)
Idle: ...30,612. (applause)
Jethro Q. Bunn Whackett Buzzard Stubble and Boot Walrustitty...
Cleese: (Silly Party)
Idle: ...33,108. (applause)
Cleese: Well there we have the first result of the election and the Silly
party has held Leicester. Norman.
Palin: Well pretty much as I predicted, except that the Silly party won. Er,
I think this is largely due to the number of votes cast. Gerald.
Chapman: Well there's a big swing here to the Silly Party, but how big a swing
I'm not going to tell you.
Palin: I think one should point out that in this constituency since the last
election a lot of very silly people have moved into new housing
estates with the result that a lot of sensible voters have moved
further down the road the other side of number er, 29.
Cleese: Well I can't add anything to that. Colin?
Idle: Can I just say that this is the first time I've been on television?
Cleese: No I'm sorry, there isn't time, we're just going straight over to
Luton.
Chapman: Well here at Luton it's a three-cornered contest between, from left
to right, Alan Jones (Sensible Party), Tarquin Fintimlinbinwhinbimlim
Bus Stop Poontang Poontang Ole Biscuit-Barrel (Silly Party), and
Kevin Phillips Bong, who is running on the Slightly Silly ticket.
And here's the result.
Woman: Alan Jones...
Cleese: (Sensible)
Woman: ...9,112.
Kevin Phillips Bong...
Cleese: (Slightly Silly)
Woman: Nought.
Tarquin Fintimlinbinwhinbimlim Bus Stop Poontang Poontang Ole
Biscuit-Barrel...
Cleese: (Silly)
Woman: 12,441. (applause)
Cleese: Well there you have it, the first result of the election as the Silly
Party take Luton. Norman.
Palin: Well this is a very significant result. Luton, normally a very
sensible constituency with a high proportion of people who aren't a
bit silly, has gone completely ga-ga.
Cleese: And we've just heard that James Gilbert has with him the winning Silly
candidate at Luton.
Idle: Tarquin, are you pleased with this result?
Tarquin (Palin): Ho yus, me old beauty, I should say so. (Silly noises
including a goat bleating).
Cleese: And do we have the swing at Luton?
Chapman: Er... no.
Cleese: (pause) Right, well I can't add anything to that. Colin?
Idle: Can I just say that this is the second time I've been on television?
Cleese: No, I'm sorry there isn't time, we're just about to get another
result.
Palin: And this one is from Harpenden Southeast. A very interesting
constituency this: in addition to the official Silly candidate there
is an unofficial Very Silly candidate, in the slab of concrete, and he
could well split the silly vote here at Harpenden Southeast.
Jones: Mrs Elsie Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...
Cleese: (Silly)
Jones: 26,317 (applause).
Jeanette Walker...
Cleese: (Sensible)
Jones: 26,318...
Cleese: Very close!
Jones: Malcolm Peter Brian Telescope Adrian Blackpool Rock Stoatgobbler John
Raw Vegetable Brrroooo Norman Michael (rings bell) (blows whistle)
Edward (sounds car horn) (does train impersonation) (sounds buzzer)
Thomas Moo... (sings) "We'll keep a welcome in the..." (fires gun)
William (makes silly noise) "Raindrops keep falling on my" (weird
noise) "Don't sleep in the subway" (cuckoo cuckoo) Naaoooo... Smith...
Cleese: (Very Silly)
Jones: ...two.
Cleese: Well there you have it, a Sensible gain at Harpenden with the Silly
vote being split.
Palin: And we've just heard from Luton that Tony Stratton-Smith has with him
there the unsuccessful Slightly Silly candidate, Kevin Phillips Bong.
Idle: Kevin Phillips Bong. You polled no votes at all. Not a sausage.
Bugger all. Are you at all disappointed with this performance?
Bong (Neil Innes): Not at all. As I always say:
Climb every mountain
Ford every stream,
Follow every by-way,
Till you find your dream.
(Sings) A dream that will last
All the love you can give
Every day of your life
For as long as you live.
All together now!
Climb every mountain
Ford every stream...
Cleese: A very brave Kevin Phillips Bong there. Norman.
Palin: And I've just heard from Luton that my aunt is ill. Possibly
gastro-enteritis, possibly just catarrh. Gerald.
Cleese: Right. Er, Colin?
Idle: Can I just say that I'll never appear on television again?
Cleese: No I'm sorry, there isn't time, we have to pick up a few results you
may have missed. A little pink pussy-cat has taken Barrow-in-Furness
-- that's a gain from the Liberals there. Rastus Odinga Odinga has
taken Wolverhampton Southwest, that's Enoch Powell's old constituency
-- an important gain there for Darkie Power. Arthur Negus has held
Bristols -- that's not a result, that's just a piece of gossip. Sir
Alec Douglas Home has taken Oldham for the Stone Dead party. A small
piece of putty about that big, a cheese mechanic from Dunbar and two
frogs -- one called Kipper the other not -- have all gone "Ni ni ni ni
ni ni!" in Blackpool Central. And so it's beginning to look like a
Silly landslide, and with the prospect of five more years' Silly
government facing us we... Oh I don't want to do this any more, I'm
bored!
Palin: He's right you know, it is a bloody waste of time.
Chapman: Absolute waste of time.
Palin: I wanted to be a gynaecologist...
Bluejuice
Lazy as a rug on Valium
For fucks sake how many times does this subject rear its head on here?
If the Tories get in I will personally give every last member of NSC £10.
Yes, the Labour government is as unpopular as its ever been but whilst our economy is stable and successful the core voters just aren't going to jump ship to a party that are still in complete disarray and have no tangible policies that would realistically hold up in a proper government.
It's a sad fact that we will still be under Labour control this time next year but get used to it because barring a miracle that is the way it's going to go.
The worst thing is that with a prime minister that most of the country are angry and upset with, the opposition can't take advantage properly and mount a decent challenge.
I welcome the return of two party politics but this election has come too soon for the disorganised Tory party and they are just going to have to try harder for next time.
If the Tories get in I will personally give every last member of NSC £10.
Yes, the Labour government is as unpopular as its ever been but whilst our economy is stable and successful the core voters just aren't going to jump ship to a party that are still in complete disarray and have no tangible policies that would realistically hold up in a proper government.
It's a sad fact that we will still be under Labour control this time next year but get used to it because barring a miracle that is the way it's going to go.
The worst thing is that with a prime minister that most of the country are angry and upset with, the opposition can't take advantage properly and mount a decent challenge.
I welcome the return of two party politics but this election has come too soon for the disorganised Tory party and they are just going to have to try harder for next time.
The Auditor
New member
Re: Re: Re: Re: grrrrreat Tories ahead in mori poll
What about...High interest rates, high unemployment,economy in the shit...stock market crash,EMP fiasco, poll tax, privatisations...the list goes on
looney said:
What about...High interest rates, high unemployment,economy in the shit...stock market crash,EMP fiasco, poll tax, privatisations...the list goes on