Norman Potting
Well-known member
No i don't believe in ghosts, but as true as the sea is blue i had one living in, and haunting unforgivingly, the shed that sat at the foot of the garden of my last abode. I sleep now steadily at night knowing that the sharpening of tools or turning on of reasonably miniature motors nearby will be purely the noise of a mass-murder entering my home with his little, draggable sack of hatchets, icepicks and chainsaws and making plans to bury the pieces of my body. The ghost and i only met truly once. It was a typical Tuesday night, which i now believe, if i believed in ghosts, is the night of all things unholy. Previously, i thought that to be a Wednesday, when if there isn't any football on, is thoroughly boring. He, for the gruffness at the base of his whispery vocals said once of man, said his name was Chester. I tried to silence my guffaw ineffectively and the face i imagined of him bent itself with an uncertain rage. For me, Chester is the name i'd give to a dwarf in a story or a galloping horse with a splintersome fence to high for it to leap. Anyway, Chester told me of his plight. More than anything he spoke of the blandness of the afterlife, that his plans to set up a ghostly union where everyone knew their place and had a patch they could haunt and call their own were rebuffed by Him upstairs. He also missed the retention of a pet he'd chosen to die with. Apparently animals head off to another dimension as they perish, and if any filter through the system by mistake they are actually more powerful than any regular-thinking and slightly mournful human. He said it was very difficult to make friends. Everyone just sought in the first moment of death to relive their favourite moment and when such a wish was impossible to achieve they fed off of the anger the disappointment formed. Chester had gone through that. He'd headed back to his favourite pub, The Whistler, but the darts there that he once drunkenly held and flicked toward the perfect score were unliftable. He quickly worked out that this was God's punishment for a life without note and that only the few, often celebrities and scientists and unsolicitous priests, made it through to that Heavenly land some spoke and wrote of. I doubt it was actually like that, said Chester, with the sirens and the horned equines and fountains full of bitches, but even though dead i still dream. He spent a few months trying his hardest to just get a feel of the feathers, to fling them one last time. He'd even watched Ghost and believed in that bald, but hairy guy on the underground who has the power to toss Patrick Swayze venomously across the train floor, his hair remaining in an unhealthy perfection despite it. Alas, the darts were never his to hold again.
On realisation of this, Chester decided it was best to go to a place he knew to be safe: my shed. He'd seen and heard me chortle as i approached there once, as he floated over head still in his invisible state, spectral only to the most believing eye. He followed me in and watched what i got up to. He thought one day we should meet and become friends and that he could be one of the players in the dramas i coyly and silently wrote of in the shed and tried my best to mouth the words of knowing that no audience viewed. I asked whether he was able to bend and reformat the sight of him i had in order to more successfully become the characters i'd created; the nasty headmaster with the monocle and unrueful grin, the "girl" who'd been held back 6 years already and was looking to finish her GCSEs finally at the age of 22 and had finally allowed to take her daytime breaks in the teacher office to drink coffee and sip gin, 15-year old father of four who'd impregnate with little more than a wink, the terrier that talked, etc. He said no. Not yet at least. It had taken him a decade to be any more than an unsmellable gas wisping undramatically through a society unseen, and only in the last 6 months to have any effect on physical matter now able to rattle chains and shake nearby cutlery and scare cats, who are wrongly thought to be aware of nearing danger. I thought to myself that it must have been Chester who had meddled with the stash of magazines i'd secretly in the shed beneath the unshiftable packets of compost i'd piled high, but it was unmentioned.
We talked into the night, but the more i knew of him the less interested i actually was. And that lack of eyeopeningness seemed to be shared. The jokes i'd made up that i thought i pretty much dined off unearthed not one cackle in him. He nodded and grinned and a silence set over us. Perhaps it says more about me and how i seek approval than it does about what sort of a person Chester once was. Maybe after a while he'd become too real to wield the mysticality that first shook me and held me in. And my reality was simply too drab for him to want to keep the dream of vicariously living through. I said i'd best be off, and plodded silently back to my bedroom. The sun had already dawned and i was meant to be headed for work. I slept for an hour knowing i just wouldn't go back to the shed and better find a new place to live in. I mean, when a place and it's happenings are a secret only you keep and you find out someone else has known of the ins and outs of it all along, then it's not somewhere to return to. I worried that Chester might it waiting for me, but i doubt it. He might have moved on too. Found someone more interesting to have time with or someone more screamy to haunt if he feels he should. Good luck to him, but i hope our paths fail to cross.
Where i live now i haven't a shed, and carry out all of my eerie habits and personal pleasures in the bathroom, the taps on full to hide news or longing from any visitor's ears.
Is that a yes or a no then?