Funny things that children say.

[Stumpy Tim]

My 5 year old daughter and her fiance Diego announced their engagement recently. Diego told his Mum they would be getting married when she died. My daughter told me they would be having twins (1 of each) when they're 18. Eva, the bridesmaid, will also be the "slave" if they need someone to look after the twins

 

[Rogero]

I remember watching 'The Black & White Minstrels Show' in THAT FORMAT

True story,Lenny Henry was in that show when he was 16.

 

[The Upper Library]

During a match this season my 11 year old son shouted at the top of his voice "50 shades of grey!!" - caused much laughter all around us - I didn't know whether to laugh, cry or hide!?! The chap sitting next to me calmly said "interesting bed time stories in your house....."

I asked my son why did you shout that? - his reply "I don't know.....what is 50 shades of grey?"..................best reply I could come up with was some nonsense about Man Utd's controversial away kit from the 90's!!!

 

[The Andy Naylor Fan Club]

On a tv programme a few years back they asked kids for their funniest jokes. This cute little girl aged about 5 or 6 came up with,
" How do you make a snooker table laugh?" , " You put your hand down its pocket and tickle its balls". Very funny but shocking for such a young lady.

 

[Eeyore]

My little brother, when no older than 4, was as usual spoken to in a benign, yet patronising, way by the milkman when he turned up one morning.

Upon the milkman's retreat he turned to his Mum and said "That bloke's really pissing me off"

 

[symyjym]

My friends 4 year old daughter was at a close family event years ago, and whilst having a problem with her toy, she was saying ****it ****it. Didn't go down too well with his mum.

 

[Lady Whistledown]

It's weird, as I feel like I've heard so many of these stories before.

 

[CP 0 3 BHA]

Some years ago we attended a family wedding with our then 2 (possibly 3) year old daughter.

We were there quite early and were sat with the rest of the congregation watching both the local vicar and the vicar from the Bride's parish busying themselves with final preparations on the alter. Suddenly a little voice piped up "Mummy, why are there two Gods?"

How do you begin to answer that?

 

[Codner's Wallop]

Many years ago I took my nephew and niece to McDs. We stood at the counter waiting for our meals to arrive. A couple arrived and stood next to us in the next queue. The man had dwarfism. My niece, probably around five at the time, tugged my shirt and in her loudest 'whisper' shouted 'Look, oompah loompahs!' I made that pained 'sorry she didn't mean that' look and the guy took it in very good spirit.

 

[Norman Potting]

Allegedly one of my young nieces and her family were on a bus/tube trains in London sat opposite a lady in full Burka(h). Niece pointed and said "..look, that lady's hiding". Fortunately body language and suppressed giggles implied that the lady found it funny as well.

 

[OzMike]

I had an old valve radio back in blighty, one day when my eldest daughter was about 6, she came into the room when I was giving it a clean up.
'Does it work?' she said, I turned it on and after it warmed up I turned the dial till I found a station.
When the music came out she had a look of shock on her face.
I asked her what the matter was and she said. 'Why is it playing new music, surely it should be playing the old stuff that you used to listen to.'
I squashed her and had a really good laugh whilst explaining that it would play the music that was being transmitted now and not when it was made.
I still chuckle when I remember this.

 

[Kendo3]

One Sunday morning, thinking my 4 year old son (Sam) was still asleep, the wife an I were having a little Sunday morning pre breakfast Jiggy Jiggy. All of a sudden my son burst into the room and dived under the covers. We quickly halted what we were doing and no more was said. Later that day we had a family sunday roast at my parents house, half way through the meal my son said 'Gramps', 'yes Sam' came the reply, 'I saw mummy shaking daddies winky this morning', Silence followed by dad spitting his food out followed by much laughter and red faces for myself and wife.

 

[Rowdey]

During a match this season my 11 year old son shouted at the top of his voice "50 shades of grey!!" - caused much laughter all around us - I didn't know whether to laugh, cry or hide!?! The chap sitting next to me calmly said "interesting bed time stories in your house....."

I asked my son why did you shout that? - his reply "I don't know.....what is 50 shades of grey?"..................best reply I could come up with was some nonsense about Man Utd's controversial away kit from the 90's!!!

Reckon thats RUBBISH.... He knows..!

 

[Guinness Boy]

My three year old daughter comes up wih about one a day, the latest and best of which I thought was "Simon Cowell is a poo bum poo".

My niece, when she was two dropped her soft rabbit while in the back seat of the car and yelled "for f**ks sake there goes bunny bun"

My seven year old spent the last two days making a custom Brighton team in PES copying all the players names from the programme except Lopez who he's called Spanish Dave. The seven year old is the most like me obviously.

 

[Stat Brother]

Not so much 'say' but my two were playing hide and seek, once.

Nothing out of the ordinary there, you might think.


They were sat in the back of the car, returning from Dorset.
The one that had to hide put their blanket over themselves, the other had to 'find' them.

 

[Insel affe]

Not so much 'say' but my two were playing hide and seek, once.

Nothing out of the ordinary there, you might think.


They were sat in the back of the car, returning from Dorset.
The one that had to hide put their blanket over themselves, the other had to 'find' them.

Is this before seat belts were compulsory ?

 

[Stat Brother]

Is this before seat belts were compulsory ?

Nope they were sat there, side by side, belted up, with nothing between them.

I think the phrase you are looking for is:-

f*****g idiots.

 

[father_and_son]

My 5 year old daughter and her fiance Diego announced their engagement recently. Diego told his Mum they would be getting married when she died. My daughter told me they would be having twins (1 of each) when they're 18. Eva, the bridesmaid, will also be the "slave" if they need someone to look after the twins

I keep meeting parents at the school gates who tell me we are going to be related because their daughter's come home and say that they are marrying my 10yo. Based on the number of times its been said to me he's either going to get divorced a lot or start some polygamous cult!

 

[Seagulls1984]

While just bathing my 4yr old son he just said "daddy I have just found my bum hole" . Lovely

 

[smeariestbat]

i work at a kindergarten. I have many of these a day, its awesome. Last weeks winner goes to a 3 year old girl who is currently potty training. She did her first poo in the big toilet and wanted it to stay there so she could show her dad