Favourite phrases about football

[Yes Chef]

Always likes 'the corridor of uncertainly' sounded like a mythical place

It is a brilliant phrase.

About cricket.

 

[Seasider78]

It is a brilliant phrase.

About cricket.

Also heard used in football to describe the area between the defender and the keeper for crosses here is a guide for the different areas!

 

[Mr Bridger]

Takes me back to playing football and never ever forget what was said by a rather trampy player who used to play centre half for us during a half time team talk. Also enhanced by the fact that he had a lisp he was referring to one of their players who was running the show, he barked " stick to him like a can of soup". WTF

 

[Hampster Gull]

Itchy chin

 

[Steve in Japan]

'Leapt like a Salmon' always made me chuckle

With the optional rejoinder, "Yes, like a ****ing tin of salmon".

Or "great jump, could have got a rizla under his boots".

Or my Dad's favourite, applied to an inept header of a ball...."a head like a shoebox"

There are many.

 

[The Brighton Buzz]

Couldn't hit a cows arse with a banjo.

 

[rocker959]

It only takes a second to score a goal - Brian Clough

 

[Lindfield by the Pond]

Let's flush this toilet and go home........

 

[Bodian]

Can't remember the precise words, but the sentiment has stuck with me. It was the journalist who said about the play-off second leg with Wednesday that the referee hadn't so much blown the whistle to kick off as fired a starting gun - in reference to how we begun the game.

 

[Baldseagull]

"Jigsaw" for a player who goes to pieces in the box.

"He's laid on more balls than Joan Collins"

Ally McCoist commentary "That (shot) was high, wide and not so very handsome"

The nickname "one size" for the player Fitz Hall, which he apparently hated.

 

[Johnny RoastBeef]

Don't rub 'em, count 'em.

He's got the touch of a rapist.

He's got a head like a threepenny bit.

 

[Harry Wilson's tackle]

The big lad with the clumsy ball control - 'First touch' of the Yorkshire ripper

Although this thread mostly reminds me of some of the old man's finest expressions:

You'll get a clip round the ear 'ole
You'll get a thick ear
You'll get a clip along side
Don't come the old acid

and his coup de grass

You don't know poop from clay!

Ah, the 1970s...

 

[Baldseagull]

The big lad with the clumsy ball control - 'First touch' of the Yorkshire ripper

Although this thread mostly reminds me of some of the old man's finest expressions:

You'll get a clip round the ear 'ole
You'll get a thick ear
You'll get a clip along side
Don't come the old acid

and his coup de grass

You don't know poop from clay!

Ah, the 1970s...

Your mispelling of coup de grace, helped bring to my mind the image of you trying to fashion an ashtray from a turd you found on the lawn.

 

[Harry Wilson's tackle]

Your mispelling of coup de grace, helped bring to my mind the image of you trying to fashion an ashtray from a turd you found on the lawn.

Did I do that? It is more than possible.

However, I may have posted a story about getting hauled before a disciplinary panel for sending an email to somone that concluded 'you can't polish a turd'. I got off, and sadly not because you can, in fact, polish a turd. But you have to freeze the little fella first. Perhaps its this you're recalling?

EDIT, oh, poop de grass... geddit now. Anyway, moving on....

 

[mickybha]

He sent the crowd the wrong way

 

[Garry Nelson's teacher]

This isn't quite the on the same lines but I think it needs to be recorded for the purposes of history. This was many years ago and I remember it for word for word. Peter Withe was the 'expert' summariser and he came out with this masterpiece:

"Sometimes the inevitable does happen and when it does it comes as a shock to everyone."

Even now I can have sleepless nights trying to grasp the full profundity of this as it transcends mere football.

 

[Garry Nelson's teacher]

On a goalie (possibly John Jackson of Palace) who was rather large/slow:

"He goes down in instalments."

 

[Raleigh Chopper]

"I have never commented about the performance of a referee after a match, and I am not going to change the habit of a lifetime for that prat".

Big Ron Atkinson.

 

[Brovion]

"They're the better side on paper, but it's not played on paper it's played on grass".

Years ago I remember a non-league (or lower league) manager being interviewed about a Cup tie with a first division team. He said (after coming out with something like the cliche above): "They're men the same as us, we've all got two arms and two heads."

 

[Garry Nelson's teacher]

'He couldn't trap a bag of cement' - Brian Clough (on buying Gary Megson and then having second thoughts)

If we are going back to the Greats of Management then there's the all-time legendary Bill Shankly one:

"Football is not a matter a life and death - in fact it doesn't matter very much at all." (I think I've got it right?)