Favourite one-liners from comedy sitcoms

[pasty]

Granddad in OFAH. "What's he got, a Wendy House" From the reaction of David Jason, I swear that was an ad-lib that got left in.

 

[Don Tmatter]

Citizen Smith again,
Wolfie's girlfriend's father on the phone: "This is big Shirley, they've put me through to MI5"
Shirley: "Thats nice dear, isnt that where we got our wardrobes?"

 

[Mackenzie]

Brace yourself Rodney.

 

[Danny-Boy]

"We love that Placido Domingo - when he comes on we chant " Domin-go, Domin-go, Domin-go" but we hate that Pavarotti, cos he's FAT. When he starts singing we chant "Pa-va-rot-ti SHUT YOU MOUF"!


Loadsamoney explaining why he loves opera more than football. I nearly died from laughter when this sketch was on Friday Night Live.

 

[Mackenzie]

A pint, a PINT!? That's almost an armful.

 

[Cheeky Monkey]

"Get the guitar" Brent to Gareth.

"Tacky shit!" Richard Briers stamping on the talking Ray doll at the BAFTAs in Extras.

 

[Garry Nelson's teacher]

Great thread.

"I trust you about as far as I could comfortably spit a dead rat."
(Blackadder, I think)

 

[Frutos]

Well bugger me with a fish-fork!

 

[anygivensunday]

Del Boy having a check up:

"Do you smoke, Mr Trotter?"
"Not just now, thank you Doctor."

and the same scene:

"Do you have trouble passing water?"
"I had a dizzy spell over tower bridge once"

 

[anygivensunday]

"I think there's been a rape up there"

"I was just wondering, will there ever be a boy born who can swim faster than a shark?"

-The Office

 

[pasty]

Del Boy having a check up:

"Do you smoke, Mr Trotter?"
"Not just now, thank you Doctor."

and the same scene:

"Do you have trouble passing water?"
"I had a dizzy spell over tower bridge once"

Followed up by the doctor: Mr Trotter. When I said strip to the waist, I meant the TOP half

 

[warmleyseagull]

Couple from Lord Flashheart (Rik Mayall) in perhaps the best Blackadder of the lot; the Flying Corps episode:

When 'training' the new recruits:

'Treat your kite like a woman: get in her five times a day and send her to heaven and back.'

Later when bursts in on Blackadder in captivity. Aims revolver at his head and says:

'Now get out of that door before I redecorate the wall an interesting new colour called hint of brain'.

 

[Biscuit Barrel]

Del boy: the doctor said I would live, but he didn't recommend it.

Uncle Albert: it was so cold the flame on my lighter froze.

 

[Wellesley]

Mainwaring. I could have sworn that they couldn't break through the Maginot line.
Wilson.Quite right sir, they didn't. They went round the side.
Mainwaring. They what!
Wilson. They went round the side
Mainwaring. That's a typical shabby Nazi trick, you see the sort of people we're up against Wilson.
Wilson. Most unreliable sir.

(Not a one liner I know, but it made me laugh. )

 

[Uncle Spielberg]

Captain Blackadder to Bob Parkhurst

Your disguise is as convincing as a giraffe wearing dark sunglasses trying to get into a polar bear's only golf club

 

[patcham seagulls]

Are you, or have you ever been a practicing homosexual?
Fletcher
'With these feet, Who'd have me?'

 

[Swillis]

Granddad in OFAH. "What's he got, a Wendy House" From the reaction of David Jason, I swear that was an ad-lib that got left in.

It was in the script, I have a book with all the scripts in.

 

[Swillis]

Trigger when asked about his dad: He died a couple of years before I was born.

Boycie: now come on trigger, what does it say on your birth certificate
Trigger: some soldiers

 

[el punal]

Arthur Daley to Terry in Minder " Terry, the world is your lobster."

 

[Se20]

Roger my arse !