My mate Mackie ("Scottish and proud") who's observations on Scotland include:
"Scottish football is shite"
"Only spongers and morons want independence"
"I'd rather eat ma own arm than haggis - wee bag of dog shit"
"Summers in Scotland ? Warmer rain"
best of all though was his description of his time in the army "I've been shot at by all sorts. The most likely to shoot at you by accident are the Americans but, fortunately, they're also most likely to miss"