farts

[Munkfish]

Best time to fart is when driving, with a car full of passengers and having full control over the automatic windows, dropping a stench, locking the windows enjoying your own brew whilst you watch everyone else gasp for air.

This happenend a few weeks ago after a heavy night out in London, i was very happy with myself.

 

[Munkfish]

I think the worst time I got caught farting was when I had woken up and was warming up the bum vocal bum-cordes, house to myself or so i thought, went down stairs farting as I go walked into the lounge let out a huge noise out of my arse(Not so much of a stench) as i look behind the door my housemate and her very attractive best friend sat on the sofa having a chat. went bright red and hid in my room until they had both gone.

 

[PFJ]

Also ............., do you ever find you are at work , you have one brewing , it's going to silent but very deadly. It will disperse slowly and fill the space around you. You check around to make sure there is nobody near ...........and release .
And then without warning ,someone , normally female , appears from absolutly nowhere and walks straight into your cloud. Nothing is said , but you know how ripe it is , so she must be able to smell it as well . No amount of shuffling in your chair or running to other side of the office will undo the fact you smell like you just shat yourself in the office.

 

[Titanic]

Lifts can be a source of merriment and disgust in equal measure - you have no escape or a captive audience!

 

[fruitnveg]

Lifts can be a source of merriment and disgust in equal measure - you have no escape or a captive audience!

 

[Arthritic Toe]

Just last week at work I had an enormous one brewing in the office. Out of respect for my colleagues, I excused myself and went outside for a 'breath of fresh air'. I let it rip - loud and long. I then discovered that my arse was right next to the intercom via which the receptionist admits visitors..... I heard raucus laughter at the other end - but made a swift exit.

 

[Dan Gleeballs]

A good few years back I enjoyed a good old fashioned all day Sunday session down the fiddlers elbow on the Guiness. Got home around 9pm & the Mrs had ordered a Domino's, pepperoni passion to be precise. After we demolished the pizza we proceeded to have our Sunday night larrrve making session & although half cut I have to say I was on fire. Post dirty deed I'm laying there with my arm round my fine lady who was absolutely purring after the delights I have so naturally served up. BUT then.... Disaster. My stomach gurgled I got that burning feeling in my ass & I knew I was brewing a fart of serious potency. I couldn't resist & dropped this Guiness flavoured air biscuit. The stench was atrocious & was enough to make ME feel sick. To say it went down like a lead balloon was understatement. I slept on my own that night

 

[Poyetry In Motion]

This thread would not be complete without these two chaps

 

[Oscar]

Just to illustrate how toilet humour transcends all age groups, I thought I would share my 9-year-old's clip of his favourite (and very weird) show Adventure Time. This had him and I howling...

 

[catfish]

My history teacher at sixth form college was a fat smelly bloke who used to blow his nose when he farted in an effort to hide the sound. Much hilarity and suppressed giggles ensued while he pretended to be oblivious to it all.

 

[Titanic]

My history teacher at sixth form college was a fat smelly bloke who used to blow his nose when he farted in an effort to hide the sound. Much hilarity and suppressed giggles ensued while he pretended to be oblivious to it all.

Bristow?

 

[catfish]

Bristow?

That's the man.

 

[Raleigh Chopper]

Best time to fart is when driving, with a car full of passengers and having full control over the automatic windows, dropping a stench, locking the windows enjoying your own brew whilst you watch everyone else gasp for air.

This happenend a few weeks ago after a heavy night out in London, i was very happy with myself.

Dont forget to turn the heater up as hot as it can go.

 

[Mr Burns]

Because there is NEVER an appropriate time to fart

How the f*** do you have a shit, if its not appropriate to fart?

 

[Raleigh Chopper]

Best time to fart is when driving, with a car full of passengers and having full control over the automatic windows, dropping a stench, locking the windows enjoying your own brew whilst you watch everyone else gasp for air.

This happenend a few weeks ago after a heavy night out in London, i was very happy with myself.

Dont forget to turn the heater up as hot as it can go.

 

[upthealbion1970]

Dont forget to turn the heater up as hot as it can go.

And recirculate

 

[upthealbion1970]

Just to illustrate how toilet humour transcends all age groups, I thought I would share my 9-year-old's clip of his favourite (and very weird) show Adventure Time. This had him and I howling...

Adventure time is properly f***ed up, as is the regular show

 

[Silk]

Adventure time is properly f***ed up, as is the regular show

My kids love both. They are odd though, aren't they?

 

[Moshe Gariani]

As a university lecturer with my own office I enjoy a good game of Farting Roulette. This activity is particularly worthwhile in the winter months with windows closed and heating on...

You feel a decent brew up reaching the point of no return and the question is do you let rip knowing that you will be creating pretty much a gas chamber for the next 10 minutes or so (and just hope no-one knocks on the door) or do you do the sensible thing and nip out into the corridor to drop the whiffy payload...?

Most of the time it is an easy choice but occasionally (the morning after an Amex Harveys and chicken pies session for instance) even I feel a bit guilty about stinking the place out and risking a student walking straight into it...