[Food] Ever done something silly and not told the DORIS ?

[schmunk]

Thought this post deserved a bounce.

Where did you spring up from?

 

[Lenny Rider]

Problem was the person I did it with told the Doris

 

[hampshirebrightonboy]

Can't believe I was so stupid. My misus has this guy come round to wash her car but obviously he was not working during lockdown. So a few weeks ago I washed the car for her.
There was a load of bird poo on the top of the car that I could not budge no matter how hard I tried so I got the scourer from the kitchen and removed it with that. When the card had dried it was a disaster on top - seriously damaged paintwork. She's quite short and has not noticed the mess I created.
Now the car washer guy is back working and her car needs cleaning again she booked him in. He will notice instantly.
However, she took me to pick up my car after it had been serviced and spotted a car she wanted. The salesman valued her card without noticing the top - don't know how but it was dirty again. We are now gong ahead to buy the other car and offload the old car. I told her to cancel the car wash guy as there was no point,
Think I've got away with it.

 

[surlyseagull]

Yes have cut through my hedgecutter lead along with other daft mishaps,and yes the wife was standing there watching.
She never said a word as she knows what I would say if she did which is "well best you do it next time then" its a sure way to render them speechless if they think its down to them to do it next time.

 

[Barham's tash]

That will teach me to read this thread and chortle at all your stories. Classic schadenfreude.

We’ve got one of those new fangled ovens with pyrolytic cleaning settings. So the Doris tasked me with doing it incase she blew herself up or burned down the house.

Bad news is the trays/shelves and other fittings can’t stay in so I got one of those industrial oven cleaning kits where you stick everything in a pvc bag empty a vat of acid into it and then leave your trays and shelves etc in it overnight. No hours of scrubbing simply rinse and off you go.

So I take the shelf racks off the oven pop them in the bag with the shelves, throw in the acid gunge and seal up the bag. I stick it on the kitchen table resting on some silicon heat proof mats so it’s not in contact with the wood.Pop back two hours later and turn it 180 degrees as instructed.

Six hours later go and have another butchers and turn it again, the gunk has turned brown so it’s doing it’s thing except this time I notice some of the liquid has escaped. Looking closely can see the very end of the bag seal has a tiny opening, close it up, check everywhere else for leakage, none on the table, wipe the exterior of the bag and assume that’s it.

Come down this morning lift up the bag and there are three leaks and the ******* stuff has etched the surface of our oak table. ****.

When it’s wet you can’t see anything but when it dries there are now three white irregular stains the size of a dinner plate at one end...

Hastily clean up contents of the bag, place back in oven etc and proceed to put some our toddlers
scribblings strategically over the marks.

I saunter into the kitchen to wash up my Albion mug and she gets all ratty about ‘these marks on the table’ I nonchalantly stroll over and proclaim oh yeah, looks like water stains, noting it will probably buff out next time I wax the table....

Literally about to get out the yellow pages and claim a French polisher might literally be able to save my life. Oops.

 

[narly101]

I let my 5 year old help me wash the car a couple of weeks ago, her job was to wipe the car down after I'd washed to get rid of the drip marks.

Unbeknownst to me at the time she dropped the chamois on the floor at some point. And then proceeded to wipe it all over the car. Hence lots of (light) scratches in every panel except the roof.

I then had to spend 3 hours sweating like a pig trying to t-cut and polish them out (which I managed successfully thank god).

She came out after a while and being a normal woman (sorry any ladies reading this) said "that looks really clean what are doing now?"

I told her it takes hours to clean a car properly.

Got away with that one.

Oh god - this filled me with dread as I read it. I don't even let my wife, let alone my 12 year old son, near my car when I wash her.

 

[Dick Swiveller]

Yeah. I called her a Doris on an internet forum.

 

[PILTDOWN MAN]

Can't believe I was so stupid. My misus has this guy come round to wash her car but obviously he was not working during lockdown. So a few weeks ago I washed the car for her.
There was a load of bird poo on the top of the car that I could not budge no matter how hard I tried so I got the scourer from the kitchen and removed it with that. When the card had dried it was a disaster on top - seriously damaged paintwork. She's quite short and has not noticed the mess I created.
Now the car washer guy is back working and her car needs cleaning again she booked him in. He will notice instantly.
However, she took me to pick up my car after it had been serviced and spotted a car she wanted. The salesman valued her card without noticing the top - don't know how but it was dirty again. We are now gong ahead to buy the other car and offload the old car. I told her to cancel the car wash guy as there was no point,
Think I've got away with it.

My brother, who posts on here, used sand paper to clean our dad's windows on his car when we were young.

 

[Giraffe]

Yes have cut through my hedgecutter lead

I did 3 times in about 4 months. The third time on the day I'd just bought a new one.

Fourth purchase was cordless. Works just as well, with less chance of my clumsy arse getting electrocuted. Wife aware though so probably wrong thread for me!

 

[lost in london]

It's the opposite for me. Mugs disappearing presumed smashed, new wine glasses having to be bought despite me not breaking any, dinks just appearing on the car, cracked brake lights selotaped back together etc etc.. She doesn't mention it, so I don't.

 

[jakarta]

Literally about to get out the yellow pages and claim a French polisher might literally be able to save my life. Oops.

One has to be of a certain age to appreciate the final line of this tale of woe, best of luck!

 

[Normal Rob]

I got the electric hedgetrimmer out today to have a bit of a hack at some trees and bushes in the garden, whilst the missus pruned the roses. I was almost done, but high up on the stepladder, I took a swipe at a branch that was a little out of reach. The flex on the hedgetrimmer kind of flicked up, and yup, I cut straight through it. Days gone by I'd have probably been toasted on the spot, but all that happened is that it cut out immediately (obvs). Seeing the now-dangling flex, I gathered it up, scuttled down the ladder, wrapped it round the trimmer and said "that'll do for now", before swiftly packing it away in the shed before she could see. I'll sort it out later.

Its not THAT big a deal in the great scheme of things, she would hardly have gone ape. The only thing is - I did EXACTLY the same around this time last year, and had to repair the flex, which she knows about. Having done it again today though, she could, and would, use my hapless goonery against me. Forever. I speak as someone typing on his 3rd laptop, after I slopped red wine over 2 previous ones destroying them (in the space of 3 weeks) a couple of years ago. I've done it to this one as well a bit, but thus far its survived, albeit with a slightly sticky spacebar.

She doesn't NEED to know these things, and on the whole, its just better she doesn't. Anyone else had some minor mishaps they've kept to themselves ?

I've cut through 3 hedgetrimmer wires in the last 12 months (the last 2 within 10 days of each other, or, in reality, the first time i used the 3rd trimmer).

I win.

 

[Lush]

Enjoying this thread. Also thinking of buying shares in a hedge trimmer manufacturing company.

 

[portslade seagull]

I got the electric hedgetrimmer out today to have a bit of a hack at some trees and bushes in the garden, whilst the missus pruned the roses. I was almost done, but high up on the stepladder, I took a swipe at a branch that was a little out of reach. The flex on the hedgetrimmer kind of flicked up, and yup, I cut straight through it. Days gone by I'd have probably been toasted on the spot, but all that happened is that it cut out immediately (obvs). Seeing the now-dangling flex, I gathered it up, scuttled down the ladder, wrapped it round the trimmer and said "that'll do for now", before swiftly packing it away in the shed before she could see. I'll sort it out later.

Its not THAT big a deal in the great scheme of things, she would hardly have gone ape. The only thing is - I did EXACTLY the same around this time last year, and had to repair the flex, which she knows about. Having done it again today though, she could, and would, use my hapless goonery against me. Forever. I speak as someone typing on his 3rd laptop, after I slopped red wine over 2 previous ones destroying them (in the space of 3 weeks) a couple of years ago. I've done it to this one as well a bit, but thus far its survived, albeit with a slightly sticky spacebar.

She doesn't NEED to know these things, and on the whole, its just better she doesn't. Anyone else had some minor mishaps they've kept to themselves ?

If that were me Easy I would have been called a silly old sod with a retort of your just like your Father

 

[Easy 10]

I'm loving the tales this thread as spawned. Its reminded me of one of my FAVE blog-writers Mil Millington - http://www.thingsmygirlfriendandihavearguedabout.com/

Our sink is blue, and we're not talking about it

Our sink is blue and we're not talking about it. It happened over a week ago; I was leaning over the sink, brushing my teeth, when I noticed that there was a sort of lazuline patina that had seeped over most of the surface. Margret hasn't mentioned anything about this. Why she hasn't is that she's obviously tried to clean the sink with, well, I don't know, some fluid used for stripping entrenched cerriped colonies from the hulls of submarines or something (they were probably offering three bottles of the stuff for the price of two at Aldi). She is waiting for me to mention it. But I am a wily fox, and will be doing nothing of the sort. I'm no wet-behind-the-ears, naive youth anymore, not by a looooong way, and I can perfectly see the spiked pit the seemingly innocent words, 'Did you know the sink's blue' are covering. It would go - precisely - like this:
Me: Did you know the sink's blue?
Margret: Yes. I did. I used a jungle exfoliant produced by the Taiwanese military to clean it, and it discoloured the surface.
Me: Oooooooo. K.
Margret: Well maybe, just maybe, if YOU cleaned the sink once in a while...
You see what she did there? Now I'm facing a whole day of 'When did you last...?' Well, not this canny fellow - not this time, my friends.

Our sink is blue and we're not talking about it.

 

[KZNSeagull]

You chaps need to invest in some:

 

[METALMICKY]

One has to be of a certain age to appreciate the final line of this tale of woe, best of luck!

Indeed anyone other than his Mrs doing the ' polishing ' will only end in tears!

 

[GREASED WEASEL]

Can't believe I was so stupid. My misus has this guy come round to wash her car but obviously he was not working during lockdown. So a few weeks ago I washed the car for her.
There was a load of bird poo on the top of the car that I could not budge no matter how hard I tried so I got the scourer from the kitchen and removed it with that. When the card had dried it was a disaster on top - seriously damaged paintwork. She's quite short and has not noticed the mess I created.
Now the car washer guy is back working and her car needs cleaning again she booked him in. He will notice instantly.
However, she took me to pick up my car after it had been serviced and spotted a car she wanted. The salesman valued her card without noticing the top - don't know how but it was dirty again. We are now gong ahead to buy the other car and offload the old car. I told her to cancel the car wash guy as there was no point,
Think I've got away with it.

Done exactly this,on her prized 206cc

And I've done the hedge trimmer trick

I keep telling her not to ask me to do any DIY
I'll only **** it up
But still,after 25 years she insists I still do it

 

[Justice]

I’ve done loads of dumb shit, for my birthday my Mrs has saved up and got me a Stone Island jumper lovely it was, anyway first time I wore it was to the Palarse 5-0 loss got home in a hump and decided to give it a wash to get the stench of shithurst of it. Silly me only put it on a boil wash it came out so small my 6year old at the time would of found it a tight fit. Yep she went fvcking ape shit.

 

[dejavuatbtn]

I have broken so many of her china mugs I have given up trying to hide it any more. It got to the stage when I couldn’t find like for like. It’s just costing me a fortune in replacements.