the viscount
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This is a great piece of reading of our england test team !!!!!!!!!
ENGLAND BEACH TOUR INTERRUPTED BY CRICKET - The Daily Mash
ENGLAND BEACH TOUR INTERRUPTED BY CRICKET - The Daily Mash
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England beach tour interrupted-by-cricket
- Thread starter the viscount
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Uter
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The Daily Mash is top quality:
PRINCE PHILIP ALTERS WILL
PRINCE PHILIP has changed his will in order to bequeath his extensive collection of racist paraphernalia to his favourite grandson.
The move comes after Prince Harry was caught on camera using racially offensive language to the shock and surprise of absolutely no-one.
According to Palace insiders Philip considered changing his will four years ago after Harry asked to borrow his dress Swastika, but decided to wait and see if the young prince developed the maturity to wield fully-formed racial slurs.
Now Harry is set to inherit Philip's prized copy of From Abo to Zorba: The Illustrated Dictionary of Racial Epithets, as well as his silver-plated Jew-detector and his Coolie stick.
Constitutional expert Denys Finch-Hatton said: "Philip loves nothing more than rummaging around in jumble sales looking for racist knick-knacks from the 1920s.
"Indeed, one of his most common complaints in recent years is how no-one makes a decent pair of wog-shackles any more."
Finch-Hatton added: "Of course he's delighted at the way Harry has turned out. Since the Queen Mother died there are very few people he can talk to about darkies and chinks.
"In fact I'm sure if he could, Philip would even change the order of the succession, missing out both Charles and William, who he regards as little better than gay communists."
Meanwhile Harry is to be disciplined by his regiment and given special training in how to be racist without recording the whole thing on video.
SO, WHERE'S ALL THE f***ing GRIT? ASKS BRITAIN
PEOPLE across Britain contacted their local councils yesterday to ask what in the name of f*** has happened to all the grit.
As grit supplies ran low, leading to thousands of car crashes, motorists said that if there is one thing you would think the council could not f*** up, it would be making sure there's enough grit.
Experts claim the shortage has been caused by climate change, childhood obesity, or possiibly the influx of unskilled, non-EU immigrants.
A spokesman for Hertfordshire County Council said: "I have seen some rather fat, hungry looking children hanging around the depot.
"And let's not forget that one of the most devastating effects of climate change is to make council officials forget to order more grit.
"But no, on second thoughts you're right, it's probably all that immigration."
The grit shortage has also presented Britain's newspapers with their most irresistible metaphor since that big, stinking cloud wafted across the Channel from Brussels in 2007.
Melanie Phillips, writing in the Daily Mail, said: "As if it was not already obvious, modern Britain has no grit.
"The arctic weather has exposed not only our lack of grit, but also, and in a very real sense, our lack of grit.
"DO YOU SEE WHAT I'M SAYING?"
WHAT IS YOUR f***ing PROBLEM? BRITAIN ASKS IMF
THE government has written to the International Monetary Fund to ask it what its f***ing problem is.
As the latest IMF report described the UK as 'a horrible old man, covered in bits of food and reeking of piss' ministers were like 'where the f*** did that come from?'.
The IMF said that if anyone still cared Britain should probably be fed through a tube and forced to use the toilet rather than just doing it in a chair.
But last night chancellor Alistair Darling was like: "Hang on a minute, how come it's always us?
"The Germans are all f***ed-up but you don't go round telling everyone that Germany's a spastic. Then there's the Italians. Are you saying we're worse than the f***ing Italians? Oh, and in case you hadn't noticed, Iceland!
"What does IMF stand for anyway? International Mother Fuckers?"
The chancellor said you didn't get it from him but he heard Spain has been giving blow jobs to the IMF in a cubicle in the gents' toilets.
An IMF spokesman said: "Do you really want to know why? Fine. Your banks were the entire basis of your economy and now they're shite. Your currency is used bogroll, you don't make anything of any value, you're governed by clueless arseholes and 99% of your population is up to its tits in debt. That's why."
Mr Darling added: "Yeah, fair enough."
PRINCE PHILIP ALTERS WILL
PRINCE PHILIP has changed his will in order to bequeath his extensive collection of racist paraphernalia to his favourite grandson.
The move comes after Prince Harry was caught on camera using racially offensive language to the shock and surprise of absolutely no-one.
According to Palace insiders Philip considered changing his will four years ago after Harry asked to borrow his dress Swastika, but decided to wait and see if the young prince developed the maturity to wield fully-formed racial slurs.
Now Harry is set to inherit Philip's prized copy of From Abo to Zorba: The Illustrated Dictionary of Racial Epithets, as well as his silver-plated Jew-detector and his Coolie stick.
Constitutional expert Denys Finch-Hatton said: "Philip loves nothing more than rummaging around in jumble sales looking for racist knick-knacks from the 1920s.
"Indeed, one of his most common complaints in recent years is how no-one makes a decent pair of wog-shackles any more."
Finch-Hatton added: "Of course he's delighted at the way Harry has turned out. Since the Queen Mother died there are very few people he can talk to about darkies and chinks.
"In fact I'm sure if he could, Philip would even change the order of the succession, missing out both Charles and William, who he regards as little better than gay communists."
Meanwhile Harry is to be disciplined by his regiment and given special training in how to be racist without recording the whole thing on video.
SO, WHERE'S ALL THE f***ing GRIT? ASKS BRITAIN
PEOPLE across Britain contacted their local councils yesterday to ask what in the name of f*** has happened to all the grit.
As grit supplies ran low, leading to thousands of car crashes, motorists said that if there is one thing you would think the council could not f*** up, it would be making sure there's enough grit.
Experts claim the shortage has been caused by climate change, childhood obesity, or possiibly the influx of unskilled, non-EU immigrants.
A spokesman for Hertfordshire County Council said: "I have seen some rather fat, hungry looking children hanging around the depot.
"And let's not forget that one of the most devastating effects of climate change is to make council officials forget to order more grit.
"But no, on second thoughts you're right, it's probably all that immigration."
The grit shortage has also presented Britain's newspapers with their most irresistible metaphor since that big, stinking cloud wafted across the Channel from Brussels in 2007.
Melanie Phillips, writing in the Daily Mail, said: "As if it was not already obvious, modern Britain has no grit.
"The arctic weather has exposed not only our lack of grit, but also, and in a very real sense, our lack of grit.
"DO YOU SEE WHAT I'M SAYING?"
WHAT IS YOUR f***ing PROBLEM? BRITAIN ASKS IMF
THE government has written to the International Monetary Fund to ask it what its f***ing problem is.
As the latest IMF report described the UK as 'a horrible old man, covered in bits of food and reeking of piss' ministers were like 'where the f*** did that come from?'.
The IMF said that if anyone still cared Britain should probably be fed through a tube and forced to use the toilet rather than just doing it in a chair.
But last night chancellor Alistair Darling was like: "Hang on a minute, how come it's always us?
"The Germans are all f***ed-up but you don't go round telling everyone that Germany's a spastic. Then there's the Italians. Are you saying we're worse than the f***ing Italians? Oh, and in case you hadn't noticed, Iceland!
"What does IMF stand for anyway? International Mother Fuckers?"
The chancellor said you didn't get it from him but he heard Spain has been giving blow jobs to the IMF in a cubicle in the gents' toilets.
An IMF spokesman said: "Do you really want to know why? Fine. Your banks were the entire basis of your economy and now they're shite. Your currency is used bogroll, you don't make anything of any value, you're governed by clueless arseholes and 99% of your population is up to its tits in debt. That's why."
Mr Darling added: "Yeah, fair enough."