EL Pres out and about again !

[Collingburnian]

Maybe the El Presidente is a fan of Captain Hook, the 1960s rock 'n roll group. On their "Greatest Hits" LP, they do a song called "Everybody's Making It Big" - maybe significant in the context of this thread. The song contains the lines "They say that ***** ****** has a foxy chick, to wipe off his snake....." The astreisks mask the name of the pop singer identified in the song in an attempt to avoid being sued for libel. Look iy up and you will know who he/she is

 

[Husty]

Not a very sensible response.

As has been mentioned previously, you need to be very careful doing this so my advice is DON'T. However, there will always be some people who decide to give it a try no matter how much sensible advice they see on NSC.

So, as it's clear there is a fair amount of ignorance on here about this, here are some tips to keep you and your snake safe.

1. Select a non-venomous snake.

Cobra bites aren't fun. (Nor explaining to the doctor how you go them). Some people do enjoy the buzz of using a venomous snake (believe it or not) but it really is a big no-no for normal & sane people like you & I.

2. Select a small 'girth' at first.

Many a first timer heads directly for a 5" width Python or similar 'status snake' and then complain when they end up in A&E. Take a look at your stools and start off with something around 1/2 the diameter of an average size expulsion. I'd recommend a small corn snake at first, you can always build up to a bigger snake over time if you choose to pursue the activity.

3. Use a snake friendly lube.

Not your happy shopper tutti fruity, snakes don't have the same skin as us stupid!! Always check the label to ensure the lube has been tested on snakes.

4. Tail first please!

Insert the snake tail first to ensure it does not bite your insides and that you have control of the head. After a while, you'll find the snake will slip in and out on it's own with little enticement (like us, they can go backwards!). The snake will come to view your orifice as a cosy, warm and damp home where it is safe and comfortable.

5. Always use a snake lead!

Just like a dog lead, this is tied around the snake's head. Should the snake slip 'all the way in' and disappear from view, you can then gently tug on the lead to encourage it out again.

6. A snake is for life not just for sex.

Buy your snake from a reputable pet shop and DON'T be afraid to tell the shop keeper exactly what you're going to do with it. They can offer sound advice and get you in contact with local users and groups - you'll find yourself mixing with a whole bunch of new friends very quickly as you old 'dull' friends disappear because you are now to cool! Pet shop staff can also advise on snake care, aquariums and food. Remember, you have purchased this animal and you now need to take care of it properly, after all, it'll be giving you a huge amount of pleasure every night.

7. Always clean your snake.

All sorts of things may have gone in and out of your hole so make sure you give your snake a good clean once you've had your fun. This will mean the snake has a much longer working life and will avoid potentially embarrassing situations such as when your Gran comes round to borrow your snake, only to find it hasn't been washed and is emitting a slightly pongy smell!

8. Lastly. Enjoy yourself.

Let's face it, whilst the snake can certainly gain some satisfaction from your usage of it, you are doing this for yourself, to make YOU happy. Don't be embarrassed by this, we all need to spend more time on ourselves in this stress filled world. Don't be shy about using social media to show off about some of your antics, especially to your friends and family. You should probably only share pictures on the 'dark web' though.

I don't know if this has been copied and pasted from somewhere but it deserves significantly more credit than it has recieved