[Humour] Dog Bore magazine

[Easy 10]

"Cats being jerks" is one of the best things on the internet.

 

[Simster]

Exactly, don’t trust em, behind the fluffy exterior lurks a sinister killer who takes no prisoners.

You know where you stand with a hound.

You do indeed.


And that place is normally within 1 metre of said hound, armed with a plastic bag in case it does a shit.

 

[Icy Gull]

You do indeed.


And that place is normally within 1 metre of said hound, armed with a plastic bag in case it does a shit.

Whereas a cat just pops next door and shits in the neighbour’s garden. I have a neighbour with 4 cats, he has a yard and no garden so obviously the cats shit in our garden. I fecking hate cats, users and abusers AND they shit in my garden. He also has two dogs, they can’t hurdle the fence so they shit in his yard. He never walks the poor feckers either.

 

[highflyer]

Coming through a busy mainline station in London last week. Saw a lady with a smallish dog that had taken a cra*p roughly its own bodyweight right in the middle of the concourse. She had a bag and had obviously attempted to scoop it up but only succeeded in smearing it across the shiny floor in a two foot long brown streak. Was using the one tissues she'd presumably found in her handbag to try and wipe up that ensuing mess which was, of course, going very badly.

Dogs are dirty, smelly and unattractive. Unattractive largely because we have bred them into such stupid shapes and made them helpless as well as cringely subserviant to suit our own unhappy need to control nature.

Cats on the other hand - and this can never be said often enough - are fastidious, perfectly designed, stunningly beautiful, killing machines. They slink and cruise. Dogs lollop and dribble.

Put me down as 'undecided'

 

[Mellotron]

You know where you stand with a hound.

You sure do.

On your hands and knees shovelling its shit into a bag while it licks your face with the same tongue that has been licking its anus and bollocks for the last 6 hours.

 

[Algernon]

 

[Deportivo Seagull]

You do indeed.


And that place is normally within 1 metre of said hound, armed with a plastic bag in case it does a shit.

Unlike a cat that shits in a tray in a kitchen .......



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[Mr Putdown]

Unlike a cat that shits in a tray in a kitchen .......



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And then jumps up and proceeds to walk its shit encrusted paws all over your work surfaces.

 

[Coldeanseagull]

Hold on, my multi-quoting is playing up

I still can't do that

 

[Coldeanseagull]

I've had both but no pets for the last 4-5 years. I occasionally miss them, because of weight gain as I'm lazy and don't need to go out in all weathers now, the companionship and the lack of rodents in the garden, but I don't miss the thunder storm and fire work dance, or moulting, or the package delivery in the flower beds. I especially don't miss the end of life malarkey

 

[zefarelly]

I get exercise from walking to the pub without a dog, with the additional bonus of not having to stop every 10 seconds to wait for a dog to sniff something. Plus, I don't have to pick up any warm TURDS with a plastic bag.

Mon Chien does like a sniff. But he also loves the pub, has friends there both dog and human, sits quietly by my side, or the fire. . . . . I hate yapping dogs, in fact there's no need for dogs to be barking unless they're alerting you of somethinfg, danger and important deliveries ( like guitars and scooter parts which need hiding!)

carrying warm tuds about is thin plastic bags is not on of the bonus features it has to be said. the flip side being we don't get cat shit in our garden, which is worse.

 

[zefarelly]

I miss having a dog. The moments of humour especially.

There is usually at least one a day. and a proper laughing out loud corker at least once a week.

 

[KZNSeagull]

I absolutely subscribe to the dogs aiding your mental well being line. My autistic son has been struggling recently but he has certainly improved substantially since we took delivery of:

 

[Two Professors]

Wonder if CBBC's Stephen Kish,from Hove posts on here?According to the press,a real dog lover!

 

[Questions]

he's better behaved and more sensible than a majority of adults I know. He also never has idiotic opinions about politics or football View attachment 116007

My dog is a staunch Brexiteer and that rankles with me I have to admit. They never mentioned that at the Rescue Centre.

 

[Questions]

I get exercise from walking to the pub without a dog, with the additional bonus of not having to stop every 10 seconds to wait for a dog to sniff something. Plus, I don't have to pick up any warm TURDS with a plastic bag.

I enjoy that when my hands are cold walking the mutt in the winter.

 

[Questions]

At our last house the next doors neighbours dog used to come into our garden to do his business.

He had a small desk, a telephone and two filing cabinets.

 

[Pevenseagull]

Wonder if CBBC's Stephen Kish,from Hove posts on here?According to the press,a real dog lover!

Being described in The Argus as 'extreme animal porn'. Does that mean there's soft core animal porn?

https://www.theargus.co.uk/news/17959473.ccbc-presenter-stephen-kish-court-extreme-animal-porn/

 

[Tom Hark Preston Park]

Being described in The Argus as 'extreme animal porn'. Does that mean there's soft core animal porn?

Heavy petting?

 

[Mr Putdown]

carrying warm tuds about is thin plastic bags is not on of the bonus features it has to be said.

It is on a freezing cold winter’s day, natures hand warmer.