Does anyone have mental health problems?

[Barham's tash]

Yes. Depression, anxiety and often crippling self doubt at times.
[MENTION=13230]Psychobilly freakout[/MENTION] PM me anytime


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[The Antikythera Mechanism]

I only found out today, that a friend of ours is suffering from acute depression and is on some form of medication. We haven’t seen him for a while and his wife has only just told us of his condition. Apparently he does nothing all day and just sits around, not even sleeping. It’s got to the point where she is frightened of leaving him alone in case he harms himself as she thinks he is suicidal. We’ve offered to help in any way we can, but surely if you have suicidal tendencies, shouldn’t you be seeking professional help?Any suggestions would be appreciated.

 

[Bold Seagull]

Went to the doctors today about concerns about my heart rate, sweats, fear of my heart stopping, getting agitated and annoyed at noise and untidiness. He checked my heart and pulse although high he was not overtly worried, checked a few other things and then said it sounds like anxiety and stress, he then basically just sat there waiting for me to leave. I asked him what that meant and what next, he said I could try meditation cds.... I asked is there any literature I could read or he recommended, his reply was there is plenty out there on the internet.....

Gobsmaked is that it, what is it, I have been feeling like my life is going to end lately and work fills me with dread, as I have a demanding and somewhat unstable boss. It is affecting my home life with my daughter when she has friends round I constantly think about the mess I’m gonna have to tidy up and the noise they are making. I know there kids but I struggle with it.

I also struggle at work when fecktards cant do simple jobs, or site managers lie etc, to the point I have to take myself out the office lately and take five or I’d tell everyone to feck off.

Was that all a doctor can do ? Is that it help wise, maybe I’m over reacting. Any advise please.

You could try Anxiety UK they have a range of resources and can give counselling and CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy). Might be something work could help you with too. CBT is about you processing irrational thoughts and balancing worry with likelihood and positive things you should be thinking.

Understanding anxiety is a key component in dealing with it. It is a primal reaction from our 'fight or flight' response, however our body and brain cannot compute the physical reaction to a fight or flight that has come just from an email or a thought about something that might go wrong. The physical reaction is the blood goes from your stomach to your muscles, adrenaline flows and your body is effectively ready to do something, only we're in the modern world and not a cave with a bear outside, so you're sat at your desk or whatever and suddenly your heart is racing, you feel a bit sick, a feeling of dread etc. and its really unpleasant.

Stay off caffeine and any stimulants like soft drinks. Drink plenty of water as any dehydration enhances that feeling.

Max Strom is worth a look, he talks about breathing and calming the body that can alleviate the symptoms of anxiety. May sound a bit ridiculous, but taking 5mins, breathing deeply in a controlled way can calm that inner panic. There are a few apps too, 'Mindfulness' is a good one talking you through daily 10mins of meditation. Yoga to is great for that calmness.

I'll pm you, I can send you some helpful stuff over email.

 

[father_and_son]

Went to the doctors today about concerns about my heart rate, sweats, fear of my heart stopping, getting agitated and annoyed at noise and untidiness. He checked my heart and pulse although high he was not overtly worried, checked a few other things and then said it sounds like anxiety and stress, he then basically just sat there waiting for me to leave. I asked him what that meant and what next, he said I could try meditation cds.... I asked is there any literature I could read or he recommended, his reply was there is plenty out there on the internet.....

Gobsmaked is that it, what is it, I have been feeling like my life is going to end lately and work fills me with dread, as I have a demanding and somewhat unstable boss. It is affecting my home life with my daughter when she has friends round I constantly think about the mess I’m gonna have to tidy up and the noise they are making. I know there kids but I struggle with it.

I also struggle at work when fecktards cant do simple jobs, or site managers lie etc, to the point I have to take myself out the office lately and take five or I’d tell everyone to feck off.

Was that all a doctor can do ? Is that it help wise, maybe I’m over reacting. Any advise please.

2 pieces of advice (adding to the previous ones rather than repeating others)...

1. When you see a quack don't just describe your symptoms. Describe what impact the symptoms have on your life. Don't say "I have a rapid heart rate", describe it more like... "I can't drive because my rapid heart rate makes me so anxious I feel I will have an accident"
Don't embellish or exaggerate, just make it clear that the symptoms aren't just 'there', they are having a very significant impact on your life and the doctor needs to relieve the symptoms and treat the underlying issue, not for the sake of it, but to make your life better.


2. Get counselling. I had a bullying boss a few years ago. Created huge issues at work and home for me, impacting my physical and mental health, with big knock on, mental health impacts even after I left the job. I went through my GP trying to get help other than just pills and the NHS were so slow and unresponsive I looked elsewhere. Brighton has The Rock Clinic (one near the Hove border and one on the Kemptown side). They are all qualified counsellors who charge very little, relatively (~£30 an hour depending on who you see and what sort of therapy you need) for regular one-to-one sessions and will see you months before you can get a NHS "assessment phone call".

 

[Wardy's twin]

I only found out today, that a friend of ours is suffering from acute depression and is on some form of medication. We haven’t seen him for a while and his wife has only just told us of his condition. Apparently he does nothing all day and just sits around, not even sleeping. It’s got to the point where she is frightened of leaving him alone in case he harms himself as she thinks he is suicidal. We’ve offered to help in any way we can, but surely if you have suicidal tendencies, shouldn’t you be seeking professional help?Any suggestions would be appreciated.

IF there is any question about suicidal thoughts then he should have professional attention now, good advice is all very good but at this point you need professional help AND probably some strong medication. I have had my own experience of anxiety/depression/OCD and fortunately did go down the self harm route.

 

[Madafwo]

I've just read this from start to finish, at the beginning I was certain that I'd add my story but as I got towards the end I wasn't so sure, but why not, if it can help someone knowing they're not alone.

I've suffered with suicidal thoughts for most of my life, starting from late on in school to the present day, I've tried it once before and obviously that didn't work out as planned.

It really came to the fore on the day of the Charlton beam-back a couple of seasons ago, I had been up for work since 0230 and half way through the shift I had heard rumblings about a letter sent out by the company I work for that was very threatening to its staff members, I got home, read the letter and just lost it. I was in floods of tears, angry at my wife to be (we were due to get married in just over a month at this point), angry at the company and completely out of ideas as to what I could do and just said to her I'd be better off dead as at least she'd get a pay out from the company pension scheme and the house would be paid for, I felt completely useless and worth more dead than alive.

I jumped in the car with the full intention of driving it off a cliff and ending it all, for some reason, and I still to this day don't know why but I phoned 111 and they advised me to go to A&E so I did but I couldn't find a parking space so carried on to the train station to get the train to the Amex to watch the beam-back. Sounds stupid but I got so angry at not being able to find a parking space that I forgot what I was so angry and upset about and went about my day. Met up with a mate and had a pint or 2 watching the match and everything was right with the world up until the second the final whistle blew, then it hit me in the face instantly, worthlessness and unable to see a reason to be alive, on the platform at Falmer I gave serious thought to just jumping in front of the next train that came through. After I got back to Brighton I jumped in the car and went straight to A&E, found a parking space this time round and got to speak to someone, in the end I got signed of for work for nearly 5 weeks up until I was due to get married and had over the phone CBT appointments that really did help, I also got news on our honeymoon that I had got a new job that I applied for 6 months previously that resolved the main issue that caused this episode in the first place.

Sorry for the bit of a ramble but I wanted to give a bit of a back story to it all as for the last 18 months or so everything has been fine in my head and I was just getting along with life, at the beginning of the year however my wife gave birth to our son and these thoughts have started coming back, that I'm terrible at being a dad and it'd be better off if I wasn't here. I appreciate that having a new born is difficult but I just don't see an end to it, I get the feeling my life is over as it is now all about him. Writing that feels a bit ish as there are people out there that would love to be in my situation but can't, unfortunately that's honestly how I feel. I'm making an appointment with the docs in the next few days as being in the state I am in most of the time is no good for me, my wife or our son.

 

[Insel affe]

I'll pm you, I can send you some helpful stuff over email.

Very Helpful, and thank you for the email and kind words.

 

[Insel affe]

Sorry for the bit of a ramble but I wanted to give a bit of a back story to it all as for the last 18 months or so everything has been fine in my head and I was just getting along with life, at the beginning of the year however my wife gave birth to our son and these thoughts have started coming back, that I'm terrible at being a dad and it'd be better off if I wasn't here.

First of all no apology required, It sounds like you have self esteem / insecurity issues like myself and thousands of others. It is being difficult being a new parent and when a new person comes into the house and takes all that attention away, people can struggle with a new life essentially so you are not alone thinking what you think, women can feel that way to so don't think your alone.

Others on here can offer better advise than myself, please seek help.

Your wife & child need your love and support, I know to many friends who have lost one of their parents to suicide and it has affected them in ways you would not wish on anyone. Your child and wife are not better off without you fact.

All the best fella.

 

[NogansRun]

I've just read this from start to finish, at the beginning I was certain that I'd add my story but as I got towards the end I wasn't so sure, but why not, if it can help someone knowing they're not alone.

I've suffered with suicidal thoughts for most of my life, starting from late on in school to the present day, I've tried it once before and obviously that didn't work out as planned.

It really came to the fore on the day of the Charlton beam-back a couple of seasons ago, I had been up for work since 0230 and half way through the shift I had heard rumblings about a letter sent out by the company I work for that was very threatening to its staff members, I got home, read the letter and just lost it. I was in floods of tears, angry at my wife to be (we were due to get married in just over a month at this point), angry at the company and completely out of ideas as to what I could do and just said to her I'd be better off dead as at least she'd get a pay out from the company pension scheme and the house would be paid for, I felt completely useless and worth more dead than alive.

I jumped in the car with the full intention of driving it off a cliff and ending it all, for some reason, and I still to this day don't know why but I phoned 111 and they advised me to go to A&E so I did but I couldn't find a parking space so carried on to the train station to get the train to the Amex to watch the beam-back. Sounds stupid but I got so angry at not being able to find a parking space that I forgot what I was so angry and upset about and went about my day. Met up with a mate and had a pint or 2 watching the match and everything was right with the world up until the second the final whistle blew, then it hit me in the face instantly, worthlessness and unable to see a reason to be alive, on the platform at Falmer I gave serious thought to just jumping in front of the next train that came through. After I got back to Brighton I jumped in the car and went straight to A&E, found a parking space this time round and got to speak to someone, in the end I got signed of for work for nearly 5 weeks up until I was due to get married and had over the phone CBT appointments that really did help, I also got news on our honeymoon that I had got a new job that I applied for 6 months previously that resolved the main issue that caused this episode in the first place.

Sorry for the bit of a ramble but I wanted to give a bit of a back story to it all as for the last 18 months or so everything has been fine in my head and I was just getting along with life, at the beginning of the year however my wife gave birth to our son and these thoughts have started coming back, that I'm terrible at being a dad and it'd be better off if I wasn't here. I appreciate that having a new born is difficult but I just don't see an end to it, I get the feeling my life is over as it is now all about him. Writing that feels a bit ish as there are people out there that would love to be in my situation but can't, unfortunately that's honestly how I feel. I'm making an appointment with the docs in the next few days as being in the state I am in most of the time is no good for me, my wife or our son.

As someone with lifelong self esteem issues I can feel your pain, and I understand that it feels like it will never really go away. I've had a couple of episodes of being signed off work over the years and needed anti-depressants to get me through (and I do believe they work) - like you, I think unhappiness at work is a major factor in these types of feelings. I am in a much better place now, I have got a hold on those demons and I will not let go. In time you will gain strength from your son, as you will come to see that his future happiness will, to a large degree, be affected by your relationship with him, and this gives your life major importance and meaning - what else is life about when all is said and done?

Having also lived through the suicide of my step-childrens' father, I can tell you that the lifetime of pain you will inflict on your son if you were to end it all, is something you may wish to contemplate. Seriously depressed people apply a twisted logic through no fault of their own, which convinces them they are worthless and that everyone else is better off without them - this is never the case, and I can tell you the pain of those left behind never goes away. As we all know, ask anyone after the event how well that person was thought of, and
you will get a very different story of how they were perceived by others.

One day your son will be old enough to come to the Amex, and he will want to make that memory with you, and not regret that he can never do it with you. You may need some help along the way, but you will get through this and come out stronger. You have a good family that need you, and your Albion family on here that will support you.

All the best.

 

[Madafwo]

Thank you, as I said I know I've got a problem and need help, my wife does as well as she suggested I contact the doctors to seek help. Her and our son mean everything to me but these are not rational thoughts I am having and it is only after they pass that I am able to see that and realise something must be done.

I'm fortunate now that I really enjoy my job and do see it as a bit of an escape at times, something I can just concentrate on when it is busy and in the downtime do the stuff I would normally do at home like watch my favourite TV shows that I just don't have time for at home any more.

 

[LamieRobertson]

Went to the doctors today about concerns about my heart rate, sweats, fear of my heart stopping, getting agitated and annoyed at noise and untidiness. He checked my heart and pulse although high he was not overtly worried, checked a few other things and then said it sounds like anxiety and stress, he then basically just sat there waiting for me to leave. I asked him what that meant and what next, he said I could try meditation cds.... I asked is there any literature I could read or he recommended, his reply was there is plenty out there on the internet.....

Gobsmaked is that it, what is it, I have been feeling like my life is going to end lately and work fills me with dread, as I have a demanding and somewhat unstable boss. It is affecting my home life with my daughter when she has friends round I constantly think about the mess I’m gonna have to tidy up and the noise they are making. I know there kids but I struggle with it.

I also struggle at work when fecktards cant do simple jobs, or site managers lie etc, to the point I have to take myself out the office lately and take five or I’d tell everyone to feck off.

Was that all a doctor can do ? Is that it help wise, maybe I’m over reacting. Any advise please.

I’ve been where you are .some years ago.....I don’t really think your local gp is equipped to deal with it....just like if you needed an operation on your knee they would refer you to a specialist...likewise they should for you....that’s not to say they shouldn’t be involved in some way...there is help out there and you’ve had some useful replies on here offering concrete advice.
You will get past this....you just need some help.

All the best

 

[father_and_son]

I've just read this from start to finish, at the beginning I was certain that I'd add my story but as I got towards the end I wasn't so sure, but why not, if it can help someone knowing they're not alone.

I've suffered with suicidal thoughts for most of my life, starting from late on in school to the present day, I've tried it once before and obviously that didn't work out as planned.

It really came to the fore on the day of the Charlton beam-back a couple of seasons ago, I had been up for work since 0230 and half way through the shift I had heard rumblings about a letter sent out by the company I work for that was very threatening to its staff members, I got home, read the letter and just lost it. I was in floods of tears, angry at my wife to be (we were due to get married in just over a month at this point), angry at the company and completely out of ideas as to what I could do and just said to her I'd be better off dead as at least she'd get a pay out from the company pension scheme and the house would be paid for, I felt completely useless and worth more dead than alive.

I jumped in the car with the full intention of driving it off a cliff and ending it all, for some reason, and I still to this day don't know why but I phoned 111 and they advised me to go to A&E so I did but I couldn't find a parking space so carried on to the train station to get the train to the Amex to watch the beam-back. Sounds stupid but I got so angry at not being able to find a parking space that I forgot what I was so angry and upset about and went about my day. Met up with a mate and had a pint or 2 watching the match and everything was right with the world up until the second the final whistle blew, then it hit me in the face instantly, worthlessness and unable to see a reason to be alive, on the platform at Falmer I gave serious thought to just jumping in front of the next train that came through. After I got back to Brighton I jumped in the car and went straight to A&E, found a parking space this time round and got to speak to someone, in the end I got signed of for work for nearly 5 weeks up until I was due to get married and had over the phone CBT appointments that really did help, I also got news on our honeymoon that I had got a new job that I applied for 6 months previously that resolved the main issue that caused this episode in the first place.

Sorry for the bit of a ramble but I wanted to give a bit of a back story to it all as for the last 18 months or so everything has been fine in my head and I was just getting along with life, at the beginning of the year however my wife gave birth to our son and these thoughts have started coming back, that I'm terrible at being a dad and it'd be better off if I wasn't here. I appreciate that having a new born is difficult but I just don't see an end to it, I get the feeling my life is over as it is now all about him. Writing that feels a bit ish as there are people out there that would love to be in my situation but can't, unfortunately that's honestly how I feel. I'm making an appointment with the docs in the next few days as being in the state I am in most of the time is no good for me, my wife or our son.

Mine is a teen now. We have been going to the Amex together since it opened. He is just at the age when grunts are the most you can expect (and the most we get most of the time), but we talk continually on match days. Before, during and after the game. results, predictions, squads, previous games (shared memories!), football. We are close as a result. Closer than I think we would be without that shared passion. He is the reason I'm still here. Him and my partner, she has been a rock.

All fathers make mistakes, none get it right every time... the best ones just try to get it right next time. But not being there to share their passions would be the biggest mistake. I had fallen out of love with football during the dark years of the late 80s/ early 90s. I moved to the south coast in the mid 90s, my son was born in 2003. He was passionate about football by 5yo despite me. He is the reason I started to be interested again, follow the Albion, go to matches, take him to matches, share quality time.


Get the help you need but be assured, absolutely assured, your son is better off with you than without you. It may be all about him from now on, but that doesn't mean you life is over. It means an *AMAZING* part of it is just beginning.

 

[Madafwo]

Mine is a teen now. We have been going to the Amex together since it opened. He is just at the age when grunts are the most you can expect (and the most we get most of the time), but we talk continually on match days. Before, during and after the game. results, predictions, squads, previous games (shared memories!), football. We are close as a result. Closer than I think we would be without that shared passion. He is the reason I'm still here. Him and my partner, she has been a rock.

All fathers make mistakes, none get it right every time... the best ones just try to get it right next time. But not being there to share their passions would be the biggest mistake. I had fallen out of love with football during the dark years of the late 80s/ early 90s. I moved to the south coast in the mid 90s, my son was born in 2003. He was passionate about football by 5yo despite me. He is the reason I started to be interested again, follow the Albion, go to matches, take him to matches, share quality time.


Get the help you need but be assured, absolutely assured, your son is better off with you than without you. It may be all about him from now on, but that doesn't mean you life is over. It means an *AMAZING* part of it is just beginning.

It is my biggest fear that he won't like football, or more specifically not the Albion, I could deal with anything bar that I think. I've asked the question about how young is too young for his first match, I wanted it to be the Wet Sham match but he was only 24 hours old so might have been a bit young, and still in hospital at the time.

 

[Insel affe]

It is my biggest fear that he wont like football, or more specifically not the Albion, I could deal with anything bar that I think. I've asked the question about how young is too young for his first match, I wanted it to be the Wet Sham match but he was only 24 hours old so might have been a bit young, and still in hospital at the time.

I took my daughter to the Sussex Senior Cup the very first game at the Amex Brighton v Eastbourne Borough to see Gary Hart, she was a year and half old at the time.
She has been loads of times since, and I think supports the Albion, however when she wants to wind me up she shouts out "PALACE"
This does not help does it.....

 

[father_and_son]

It is my biggest fear that he wont like football, or more specifically not the Albion, I could deal with anything bar that I think. I've asked the question about how young is too young for his first match, I wanted it to be the Wet Sham match but he was only 24 hours old so might have been a bit young, and still in hospital at the time.

Bloody armchair supporters!

He will be who he will be. He will love what he loves. You can steer it, you can't change it... but you can share it. I had to work long and hard to stop mine buckling under school-based peer-pressure to support a "premier league team" (which in the playground means a top 6). I had indulge/tolerate a few difficult years but it all came good in the end.

 

[marlowe]

I only found out today, that a friend of ours is suffering from acute depression and is on some form of medication. We haven’t seen him for a while and his wife has only just told us of his condition. Apparently he does nothing all day and just sits around, not even sleeping. It’s got to the point where she is frightened of leaving him alone in case he harms himself as she thinks he is suicidal. We’ve offered to help in any way we can, but surely if you have suicidal tendencies, shouldn’t you be seeking professional help?Any suggestions would be appreciated.

If someone has suicidal tendencies their mindset isn't necessarily geared to seeking help, professional or otherwise. They have got to the point where they don't care enough about themself to seek that help because in their mind their life is not worth living so why seek the help to prolong it? Furthermore if they are having such negative thoughts they are at a place where they have lost all hope that anything can improve their life or their circumstances so they don't believe that anything is able to help them. Seeking professional help is a rational and positive act but when you are in the depths of depression it is very hard to think or act rationally or positively.

 

[Brovion]

...
Sorry for the bit of a ramble but I wanted to give a bit of a back story to it all as for the last 18 months or so everything has been fine in my head and I was just getting along with life, at the beginning of the year however my wife gave birth to our son and these thoughts have started coming back, that I'm terrible at being a dad and it'd be better off if I wasn't here. I appreciate that having a new born is difficult but I just don't see an end to it, I get the feeling my life is over as it is now all about him. Writing that feels a bit ish as there are people out there that would love to be in my situation but can't, unfortunately that's honestly how I feel. I'm making an appointment with the docs in the next few days as being in the state I am in most of the time is no good for me, my wife or our son.

I am genuinely sorry to hear of your problems, and I sincerely hope you get all the help you need. Others have mentioned that getting things 'off their chest' on here can help, so feel free to use us a sympathetic on-line ear. Sympathy is pretty much all you can get out of me as I'm not a doctor, but I will say - there isn't a single parent on earth who hasn't at some stage thought that they were absolutely useless. I know I did. And I can also utterly assure you that you're not (the fact you care proves that). And yes it is draining, but they'll love you for it.

 

[Bwian]

Yep, and those. Glad to see you added the much ignored ADD, as people don't understand there is a problem unless children are bouncing off the walls.

People don't understand that adults have these problems too...especially ADD.

A minor update to my previous posts:

If you, or anybody you care about display ADHD/ADD symptoms my advice is start the ball rolling by seeking an initial assessment. I have been waiting since May 2017 for an initial appointment. In Surrey the estimated wait is 10-11 Months. I called the clinic today and was told they are still wading through March 2017 applicants.

ADHD and ADD is seriously neglected and consequently massively underfunded. It can be a severely debilitating condition that can impact on people for the whole of their lives. An estimated 25-40% of prison inmates have ADHD/ADD. Most are/were undiagnosed. More alarming is that only 4-8% of the population are thought to have ADHD/ADD.

It isn't just about prison populations. Get help if you or a loved one is suspected of having the condition. Brilliant minds struggle without help.

 

[Leighgull]

Oddly most suicidal folk experience a big up.ift in mood just before they end it.

Something about making the choice.

 

[Mr Banana]

Oddly most suicidal folk experience a big up.ift in mood just before they end it.

Something about making the choice.

It's a big decision and gives you a good element of peace within yourself once finalised. But it's not a great idea because if you screw it up the dejection and embarrassment is horrible.