Justice
Dangerous Idiot
Roll a fat one and chill.
As I hurtle through my 50’s I’ve taken to worrying about everything that’s out there. I’ve never been a worrier but now every morning its like I’m presented with a mental list of things from getting our roof sorted to financing next years holiday to whether we continue with a back three against Spurs.
I mentioned the financial bit to my wife who said , “Stop worrying about money you could be dead next year”
Now that really made me stop worrying.
As you get older you worry less about money but more about health. .
All the time.
I worry about the safety of my job, about the intense feeling of imposter syndrome, about being able to provide for kids I don't yet have, whether what I'm doing is what I should be doing with my life, that I'm wasting time playing video games, that I should be pursuing my dream of writing, that I drink too much, that I eat too unhealthily, that my living space is full of shit I don't want or need and on and on and on and on.
I'm 34 FFS and it's felt recently like I'm smack in the middle of an early onset midlife crisis.
Roll a fat one and chill.
To be fair I don’t have children. And my extended family is the wife and just my brother and father. They’re all okay. All the while they are, so am I. And I certainly don’t worry about the Albion.
I try not to think too much really, as all that will appear is imagery of catastrophe, or being the opposite of how i want to think or be - why in blue heavens am i in bed with a glazed moose, for instance, my face semi-pummelled and lashed by two huge glistening nuts (that was the thought i just had when opening the mental door and peering in). I can handle the absurd - if not moose nuts, from experience - but the worst outcomes of reality i try to stay away from. At present, my son and his mum are in Spain, staying with his abuela. If i allowed the simmering thoughts of it to come to the fore it would all be them not returning, being happy in Spain, which is great, but me not being and moving into some studio flat somewhere with a tv for company and general blankness of existence.
All excellent advice, thanks
Writing is something I'm trying to do in my spare time as a hobby ostensibly to replace video games. Used to love it as a kid / teen but just stopped in my early twenties.
I really don’t think I’ve ever worried about anything in my life.
Never worried about money, even when I was younger and things were tight, bringing up a family, having to work 60-70 hours a week to get by, starting my own business in my 40s, trying to keep it going during the crash, and some months only just making the rent etc.
Serious health concerns over the last 12 years or so, one of which should have killed me, and, tried repeatedly to succeed over the next 10 years, 60 odd cardiac arrests, sometimes 3 a night. Then, when our wonderful NHS stopped that malarkey, a positive cancer diagnosis, that I am hopefully clear off.
I don’t think I’ve lost a minutes sleep worrying, I just don’t, my wife, on the other hand, worries about everything.
I just think, if it happens, it happens.