[Food] Do you stand or sit when wiping your behind after doing a poo?

[schmunk]

What kind of crazy person doesn't stand...? Madness.

 

[Wilko]

We had this discussion on NSC before. Disgusted to hear that some people try and wipe their dirty botty sat down and just hoping for the best. Like any normal human I stand up.

 

[Easy 10]

Just after I've throttled a black man I'lI stand up, turn around and put one leg proudly on the toilet bowl (adopting a pose rather like the Captain Morgan character, with his foot on a barrel of rum, but minus the cutlass). I then fold 4 pieces of paper for the initial wipe (front to back OBVS), then 3 pieces for the subsequent ones, until my rusty sheriff's badge is once more prestine and clear of all clag, tagnuts and winnits. Job done.

 

[Bold Seagull]

Thomas Crapper didn't invent the friggin toilet so we had to stand up to wipe our arse FFS...

 

[MJsGhost]

Thomas Crapper didn't invent the friggin toilet so we had to stand up to wipe our arse FFS...

Thomas Crapper didn’t invent the toilet...

 

[Marshy]

Stand ! ? WTF !

 

[Megazone]

We're arse lickers in my family

 

[VAL1850]

Stand but sit on the B-Day............................

 

[LamieRobertson]

Why am i even reading this thread

 

[Grombleton]

Just after I've throttled a black man I'lI stand up, turn around and put one leg proudly on the toilet bowl (adopting a pose rather like the Captain Morgan character, with his foot on a barrel of rum, but minus the cutlass). I then fold 4 pieces of paper for the initial wipe (front to back OBVS), then 3 pieces for the subsequent ones, until my rusty sheriff's badge is once more prestine and clear of all clag, tagnuts and winnits. Job done.

You...you don't take your cutlass to the loo with you? What do you do if your brownberg is too monstrous to flush in one hit?

 

[Easy 10]

You...you don't take your cutlass to the loo with you? What do you do if your brownberg is too monstrous to flush in one hit?

If I need to break the back of my fudge dragon to send it back to Westeros, then usually I'll just beat it with a pikestaff I have propped in the corner for such occasions.

 

[Shropshire Seagull]

I thought standing was the obvious answer, but at the moment we're out-numbered.

Next we'll have people saying they scrunch the toilet paper rather than folding it, before wiping.

My first pass is "scrunch" and then all subsequent passes with a fresh paper folded technique

Who finishes off with a toilet-friendly [disposable] wet-wipe?

 

[symyjym]

Who wipes these days? Or should I say - Who persists with smearing their fecal matter around their buttocks with wads of useless paper?

We're not toddlers - wash your asses people, and then wash your hands. Egh!

How do you apply the water?

Hand water arse?
Hand paper water arse?

 

[Hampster Gull]

Fair question

 

[BBassic]

Sit. Always sit.

If you stand your arse cheeks squish together making access a bit of an issue. Surely?

 

[Albion my Albion]

The important question is wipe from the back or the front?

That has to be a different poll.

 

[Albion my Albion]

You need to up your drugs dose

Which drug?

I believe I have 7 that I take.

 

[Albion my Albion]

Sit. Always sit.

If you stand your arse cheeks squish together making access a bit of an issue. Surely?

In that case you do the porn casting couch pose where you bend over, reach your hand back and spread your arse cheeks and then put your head against the wall so you don't fall and wipe your bum with plenty of room in the rears.

EDIT: Of course I wouldn't know anything about those porn websites. It is just something a drunk bird told me in the pub one time.

 

[spongy]

Sit. Always sit.

If you stand your arse cheeks squish together making access a bit of an issue. Surely?

Is absolutely the correct answer. Those people saying stand obviously have no arse cheeks whatsoever. Or are in a very Jonny Wilkinson-esk position!

Sit all the way. Unless you go the Green Man in Ringmer like I did at the weekend so for a meal and the toilet seat is the smallest I've ever sat on. The front lip of the toilet seat was smaller than the bowl. I had to stand as I physically couldn't get my hand down round the back to wipe. And it's also one of the smallest cubicles I've ever been in which didnt help. So I was Jonny Wilkinson-esk with my face against the door.

 

[Coldeanseagull]

This feels like a week of internationals.......damn you MNF