[Misc] Do you or anybody you know want a Swansman in your house for 3 months?

[Insel affe]

Please someone put him up, so we can have daily updates of the Pizza box and spliff count thrown out the bedroom window

Good luck fella, would be good to see you in the North Stand conducting the choir.
PS: Every newbie to the Amex has to streak across the pitch at half time, with a Marine distress flare stuck out his arse, it is a tradition in these parts.

 

[BNthree]

Sorry I can't help as I have a small house full of children but good luck and hope you manage to get over here Swanny.

 

[Eric the meek]

Could always share a mucky mansion with another nut job

This could be the most dangerous advice ever seen on NSC.

Swanny, I implore you, never, ever get pissed with Katie Price - you could end up proposing to her, or even worse, marrying her.

 

[Happy Exile]

This could be the most dangerous advice ever seen on NSC.

Swanny, I implore you, never, ever get pissed with Katie Price - you could end up proposing to her, or even worse, marrying her.

She does like horses though...

 

[Commander]

The collective noun for Swansmen is a usurpment. I allowed such a bunch to camp in my back garden 2 summers ago. My lord they raucously procreate. I was sure i heard foxes in the night, but as i ventured outwards with my lucky, blood-cast semi-pro tennis racket, i saw and blood-earedly knew that the lustful holler came from the main tent, shaped like an upside down teacup. I didn't go in. I can only presume they have barbed peni. Eventually, around a fortnight later i had to hire some unscrupulous beefcakes and bloaters to surprise them in the dark and heap them into a skip, that they find it impossible to scurry out of. I discovered a week later than 1 still roamed the neighbourhood, but i managed to lure it into a sarcophagus with a stack of bourbons and a squirt of Graham Potter beardhair parfum.

Fantastic as always sir.

 

[Questions]

I'll ask the wife if she would be willing to sleep on the sofa, the conversation in bed would be significantly better with you

Same here……….. and the sex most probably.

 

[The Clamp]

Thank you for thinking of me but no.

 

[The Clamp]

Back in the late 90’s I let a young man who found himself homeless stay on my couch. Helped him with housing forms, took him to CItizen’s advice etc.
On the third night he pissed on the couch, stole a watch of mine, a bunch of CD’s and some climbing gear and ****ed off never to be seen again.

Rather dampened my enthusiasm to offer kindness to strangers, or at least have them in my house.

 

[Mackenzie]

Same here……….. and the sex most probably.

 

[Garry Nelson's Left Foot]

The collective noun for Swansmen is a usurpment. I allowed such a bunch to camp in my back garden 2 summers ago. My lord they raucously procreate. I was sure i heard foxes in the night, but as i ventured outwards with my lucky, blood-cast semi-pro tennis racket, i saw and blood-earedly knew that the lustful holler came from the main tent, shaped like an upside down teacup. I didn't go in. I can only presume they have barbed peni. Eventually, around a fortnight later i had to hire some unscrupulous beefcakes and bloaters to surprise them in the dark and heap them into a skip, that they find it impossible to scurry out of. I discovered a week later than 1 still roamed the neighbourhood, but i managed to lure it into a sarcophagus with a stack of bourbons and a squirt of Graham Potter beardhair parfum.

I pity the fool who doesn't find MB's posts an absolute delight.

 

[McTavish]

Back in the late 90’s I let a young man who found himself homeless stay on my couch. Helped him with housing forms, took him to CItizen’s advice etc.
On the third night he pissed on the couch, stole a watch of mine, a bunch of CD’s and some climbing gear and ****ed off never to be seen again.

Rather dampened my enthusiasm to offer kindness to strangers, or at least have them in my house.

I don't think Swansman's the mountaineering type...

 

[The Clamp]

I don't think Swansman's the mountaineering type...

He does like to get high.

 

[Mental Lental]

The collective noun for Swansmen is a usurpment. I allowed such a bunch to camp in my back garden 2 summers ago. My lord they raucously procreate. I was sure i heard foxes in the night, but as i ventured outwards with my lucky, blood-cast semi-pro tennis racket, i saw and blood-earedly knew that the lustful holler came from the main tent, shaped like an upside down teacup. I didn't go in. I can only presume they have barbed peni. Eventually, around a fortnight later i had to hire some unscrupulous beefcakes and bloaters to surprise them in the dark and heap them into a skip, that they find it impossible to scurry out of. I discovered a week later than 1 still roamed the neighbourhood, but i managed to lure it into a sarcophagus with a stack of bourbons and a squirt of Graham Potter beardhair parfum.

You sir, are an absolute batshit mental posting genius. Love it.

 

[The Clamp]

It’s a good lesson in not coming on here and revealing all your foibles and habits. A bit of foresight would have probably told him that telling everyone you live in a filthy heap of pizza boxes, smoke weed all day and like to discuss conspiracy theories wouldn’t make him a prime candidate for a two month house guest

Having said that, I wish you luck young man. If you get stuck, there’s a row of empty houses on the Brighton Rd not far from Portslade. Easy to spot, there’s a burnt out pleasure boat at one end of the houses that was briefly used as BHAFC’s ground for the 98/99 season.

 

[Stat Brother]

Back in the late 90’s I let a young man who found himself homeless stay on my couch. Helped him with housing forms, took him to CItizen’s advice etc.
On the third night he pissed on the couch, stole a watch of mine, a bunch of CD’s and some climbing gear and ****ed off never to be seen again.

Rather dampened my enthusiasm to offer kindness to strangers, or at least have them in my house.

Sorry about that.

 

[Seagull58]

I can't help except to point out that it's "maths", not "math". The rebellious colonials across the pond say "math".

Edit: They are also responsible or ****ing up Wordle with their propensity to remove letters from words.

 

[The Clamp]

Sorry about that.

No worries. I hope you found somewhere to live.

 

[Tom Hark Preston Park]

Perhaps OP could reach out to Chris Eubank to explore the option of Youth Hostelling

 

[Robinjakarta]

Own entrance?? [emoji23][emoji23]

When I was a kid , my rooms own entrance was out the first floor window onto the flat roof extension then slide down the drain pipe!!!!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Pro

From the first floor window and a drainpipe? You were lucky. When I were a kid, we had to jump from the 14th floor and land head first on the concrete path.

 

[mejonaNO12 aka riskit]

We had foreign students stay about 6 years ago to save for our wedding. maybe 4 different ones over 6 months or so.

3 were fine.

There was then this one gentlemen from a country who like to buy north east football clubs. On arrival he walked in with him, his dad and 2 brothers to inspect the house and show his mum on video what the house was like.

2 fun stories.

1 - He walked into our sitting room when my wife was watching TV, grabbed the remote and changed it to the Barca game. I politely informed him that she was watching something, He genuinely was astounded that she had a choice and argued it.

2 - On the day he left we went to clear his room. There were these bizarre green marks all over the walls. Like splats of something that then had drips falling from them, Some still glistening. All I could possible think of was he was FLOBBING over our walls. I sent the email and the response wasn't even a denial but a "I will send you money".