Do you have a name for your penis?

[smudge]

My girlie calls it THE WANG!

 

[Mark Ormerod's Gloves]

The snake

 

[Chicken Run]

When I was about ten, a group of my chums was doing what ten year old boys do - playing about in a patch of woodland down the road. We suddenly found ourselves in the company of a classic dirty old man, who was offering sixpence to any boy who would touch his willy.

Far from being traumatised for life (as, I gather, is what is expected of victims of paedophilia these days), we simply laughed and told him to piss off. Which he did.

My mate Jeff Thomas (who later played football for Newport County ... but that's not important, right now) went home and told his dad about what had happened.

Before long, we all got a visit from the police who showed us their photo album of dirty old men and the perpetrator of this particular outrage was identified, arrested and brought up in front of the beak.

Jeff was called as a witness. The magistrate, anticipating some embarassment about how a ten year old might refer to a thingy, suggested that the term "John Thomas" would do for the purpose of the court case.

"But that's my dad's name", said Jeff.



For some reason, the magistrate then pronounced that it should be called a "Peter".