[Humour] Do you consider yourself a chav - how many ticks on the list

[Pint of Ale and a Burger]

Crikey 19 for me.
It would have been 20 but I got my Christmas card from quite a classy Indian takeaway NOT a kebab House.
I thought that wasn't too bad until I saw that puts me in the 16+ category and a quite a lot of that Does actually apply to me,but also so does most of 11-15 and 6-10 so I'm not sure the questions bare much relation to the category someone would fall into once they have submitted the answers.
A lot of these scenarios cover most sections of society these days I would have thought.

 

[BN9 BHA]

12 and a couple of not sure/ can’t remember

 

[BN9 BHA]

 

[Hampster Gull]

Love a bombay bad boy pot noddle

 

[Machiavelli]

I'm waiting to see where the median lies before posting.

10, 12, 14, 15, 18, 22.
Have you done 10?

 

[Goldstone1976]

10, 12, 14, 15, 18, 22.
Have you done 10?

No.

 

[jackalbion]

I got 14 but then I realised 9 of those were when I was at university, can’t beat a pot noodle and a can of strongbow dark fruits found on the train for breakfast.

 

[Harry Wilson's tackle]

I reckon scores might be higher than for the 'Posh' test. Maybe people need to include which area of the ground they sit in so we get a clear demographic

1. Have you ever purchased something from Bejam or Iceland?

2. Have you ever owned an electrical appliance made by Hinari?

3. Have you ever purchased a KFC family bucket?

4. Have you ever hung a pine fresh tree shaped air freshener on your rear view mirror?

5. Have you ever bought or worn shoes from Barratts?

6. Have you ever considered Pizza Hut an Italian Restaurant?

7. Have you ever bought Woolworths Ladybird clothes for kids?

8. Have you ever eaten a Findus Lasagne?

9. Have you ever worn jewellery from "Elizabeth Duke" at Argos?

10. Have you ever eaten a pot noodle?

11. Have you ever bought fresh cut flowers from a petrol station as a present?

12. Have you ever bought second-class stamps?

13. Have you ever knowingly bought own brand cola?

14. Do you think Marks & Spencer's food hall is too expensive?

15. Have you ever taken a Stenaline Ferry anywhere?

16. Have you anything in your wardrobe which is at least 50% polyester?

17. Have you ever fantasised about owning a Ford Cosworth?

18. Are you on first name terms with any bus drivers?

19. Have you ever recommended a Berni Inn as a decent steak restaurant?

20. Have you ever relieved a hotel room of its freebie shower gel or shampoo?

21. Have you ever drunk a can of lager you found on a train?

22. Have you ever offered to buy a cigarette from someone?

23. Have you ever brought a screw top bottle of wine to a dinner party?

24. Have you ever referred to dessert as "afters"?

25. Have you ever worn the same pair of socks 2 days running?

26. Have you ever removed a boiled sweet or gum and saved it for later?

27. Have you ever left washing out on the line for more than 24 hours?

28. Have you ever dreamed of owning a Winnebago?

29. Have you ever christened your home with a name and then included it on your postal address ie "Dunroamin"

30. Have you ever bought a garden ornament from B&Q, ie stone squirrel, ornamental wheelbarrow etc

31. Have you ever owned an "eternal beau" dinner or tea service?

32. Have you ever owned or used a sausage dog draught excluder?

33. Have you ever erected a flashing snowman or fairy lights outside your house at Christmas?

34. Have you ever placed a jewel encrusted tissue box on your rear parcel shelf?

35. Have you ever visited a Little Chef or Happy Eater apart from to use the loos in desperation?

36. Have you ever cut out and used money off coupons from magazines?

37. Have you ever received a Christmas Card from your local Kebab house?

38. Do you know anyone from Penge?

39. Have you ever bought and used "Shake n' Vac"?

40. Are any of your parents or family well known "down the precinct"?


Now tot up your "yes" scores and check below to see if you are a bit of a chav:


0 yes answers
You live in Mayfair and spend all your time at Harvey Nicks. All your friends are called Henry or Henrietta and you've never even heard of Top Shop. You don't drive as your chauffeur takes you everywhere. You live on a macrobiotic diet carefully prepared for you by Jamie Oliver. The only airlines you recognise are those that daddy owns. The only chav you have ever come across is a stuffed one created by Damien Hurst and showing at the Tate Modern.

1-5 yes answers
You're generally far removed from chav land, however, your brother once introduced you to a girl who lived on an estate and shattered your Illusions of Barratt Homes being a character from an Emily Bronte novel. You like expensive shops and generally only travel by London Taxi. Your mother once served you fish fingers, however you have adapated enough in adult life to only purchase Tesco's finest crab cakes as a substitute. You have the presence of mind to sneer at a bottle of Freixenet.

6-10 yes answers
You are definately entering the danger zone here. You have owned at sometime in your life a pet fish won from a funfair. You regularly buy Superdrug's own brand toiletries but ensure you carry them home in a Clinique carrier bag. You have a number of gold cards and a run a respectable enough car, however, you would do well to remove the "Baby on Board" sticker from the back. You enjoy good food and wine courtesy of Delia Smith's home cookery course and have been to University.

11-15 yes answers
You have a whiff of dog blanket about you and your shoes need to be resoled. You enjoy garden centres and eating out at country pubs. Your quite well known at the local KwikFit and think nothing of sticking a Bart Simpson doll to your rear seat window. You have often enjoyed a curry or kebab after a night down the pub and have used a doorway as a public toilet. It is likely that you have been arrested for a minor offence and count George Best as an idol. You are likely to have been educated to A Level standard.

16+ yes answers
There is no hope for you - you are well and truly an escapee from
the Island. You think that Blue Nun is a choice wine and always cook Spag Bol at dinner parties. None of your home cutlery matches and a few of your mugs have established chipping to the handles. Every room in your house is painted Magnolia and you have a dado rail in your living room. You name your children after pop or filmstars and buy the Sunday Sport as an informative newspaper. Your car is made by Ford and has *** burns in the driver seat. You've only been to Spain on holiday.

Bloody brilliant.

One. And only because Mrs T's dad was a bus driver.

I am where I am owing to education and innate good judgement. Anyone who is familiar with my posts on NSC will.....

I'll get my coat*.

*Pronounced 'Kate'.

 

[super-seagulls]

MOTHER OF GOD, it was you all along!

You mean
Jesus, Mary, Joseph & the Wee Donkey!

In all seriousness I ticked more here than the posh test

 

[Washie]

Very southern centric. You need to include things like "Is your skin orange?", "Are you under 45 and a grandparent?", "Have you queued for over an hour to get into Primark?", "Do you do your weekly shop at Home Bargains?" etc.

I know a lot of rich people who are grandparents under 45, rich kids think they can do whatever the hell they like.

Sent from my SM-G781B using Tapatalk

 

[Washie]

I got 14 but then I realised 9 of those were when I was at university, can’t beat a pot noodle and a can of strongbow dark fruits found on the train for breakfast.

Sounds like the breakfast of an away day to Newcastle

Sent from my SM-G781B using Tapatalk

 

[Swansman]

Dont think I got more than 2 or 3... felt very much like a foreigner reading that list. Also dont really know what a "chav" is (white trash?).

 

[Pogue Mahone]

Dont think I got more than 2 or 3... felt very much like a foreigner reading that list. Also dont really know what a "chav" is (white trash?).

https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=chav

 

[Swansman]

https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=chav

It was less confusing before I read that.

 

[Icy Gull]

Dont think I got more than 2 or 3... felt very much like a foreigner reading that list. Also dont really know what a "chav" is (white trash?).

You qualify automatically, as does anyone with a surfeit of empty pizza boxes in their squat

 

[Pogue Mahone]

It was less confusing before I read that.

 

[schmunk]

It was less confusing before I read that.

Perhaps you'll understand better if we meet you halfway - in Scotland they call them "Neds":

https://youtu.be/scNLfr1EP08

 

[zefarelly]

I'm sorry I know it's meant to be humourous, but I cringe every time I see the word pikey, because it is classed as a racist word in law.
Maybe chav might be a better description?

Really? what about Didicoy or Ned?

only 2 which kind of crossover for me . . . . . I have had a few naughty thoughts in the past about Cosworths . . . . . . . I was horrified to find out that our house was once known as 'Astra' Long before our time, and indeed before the car existed. we just refer to it by its number.

 

[MJsGhost]

Six!

10. Have you ever eaten a pot noodle?
Who hasn't?
11. Have you ever bought fresh cut flowers from a petrol station as a present?
Not as someone important's main present for an occasion, but yes many times...
12. Have you ever bought second-class stamps?
Loads of them
20. Have you ever relieved a hotel room of its freebie shower gel or shampoo?
Always useful for hand luggage
23. Have you ever brought a screw top bottle of wine to a dinner party?
When my favourite white has a screw top (like many/most decent whites these days), what can you do?

25. Have you ever worn the same pair of socks 2 days running?
I am currently wearing yesterday's socks (put on for this morning's early dog walk and ended up without time for a shower before work... the joys of WFH with a newborn in the house!)

 

[Taybha]

Kinel 17 , I don't care blud innit .